Business Musings

Face the music

2012-02-03T07:00:00.000+05:30

A terrible decision for the company and its founder. A great decision for everybody else. Welcome to the crazy world of private equity.

Facebook needs an IPO like a hole in the head. It doesn't need the money. The only possible use it has for it is to pay off some tax liabilities being triggered by doing an IPO. Most of the money is going to be invested in US government bonds - impeccable logic of raising expensive equity and investing in bonds that yield nothing. The business itself is a cash spewing machine - it doesn't need more cash. On the contrary it doesn't know what to do with th cash already being generated. Actually the risk when too much cash is sloshing around is that the Board will go and make a stupid headline grabbing acquisition.

Mark Zuckerberg doesn't want to do an IPO either. He doesn't need the "valuation" to prove to everybody that he is rich. He's going to lose every autonomy he had in running the business - now he has to pander to the quarterly whims of so called experts called analysts. Being listed is like a curse - the number of regulatory and legal constraints the company will have is enough to make you lose your senses. An independent Board of eminent personalities will sit in judgement over everything Zuckerberg wants to do. Two quarters of missing forecasts and they will have to sack him. Companies that need capital have no other option but to eventually list. The slight problem is that Facebook does not need any more capital.

Its the current shareholders, minus Zuckerberg, who want an IPO badly. They want to encash the fortune they are sitting on. The likes of Aegis Capital, Goldman Sachs, etc. The employees with stock options want to become millionaires. They love the IPO too. The investment bankers who are handling the IPO are beside themselves with excitement - the prospect of fat fees of unimaginable proportions makes you drool doesn't it. Especially when they need to do no work ; after all the shares are going to be bought up even if a donkey handled the issue. The "market" loves it - it will provide employment to a clutch of useless analysts who will write learned treatises on the company without having a clue about it. Day traders will buy and sell everyday, speculating and punting like crazy. We, the wonderful public, can now learn all about its innards and criticise its decisions.

Mark Zuckerberg knows all this. But he probably had no choice - his shareholders must have pushed him and after holding off for so long, had to eventually give in. Facebook can go only one way now - down. What a waste.

PS : Full disclosure - This blogger does not like Facebook. He does not go there.

Lie Down Mr Goodwin

2012-02-01T10:41:00.001+05:30

Arise Sir Fred, the Queen of England said in 2004 after tapping the kneeling Fred Goodwin lightly on the shoulder with her sword. This archaic ceremony is the conferring of knighthood by the Queen of England. If you are a citizen of the UK or one of its dominions then you can call yourself "Sir".

Fred Goodwin was the CEO of the Royal Bank of Scotland in its boom years. An unknown, middling bank in Scotland (where's that for Gods sake), he took it to become one of the largest banks in the world. First the acquisition of Natwest, a big British bank much bigger than RBS. And then the mega takeover of ABN Amro, just as the financial crisis was unfolding. The bank was growing wildly through mega acquisitions and was cheered on by all and sundry - the shareholders, the market and even the government, including Gordon Brown, the then Prime Minister of the UK. Hence the knighthood. Sir Fred could do no wrong.

Of course the party couldn't last. It came crashing down with the financial crisis. Sir Fred was axed after the bank reported a loss of £24 bn - the largest in UK corporate history. The UK government had to inject £45 bn to bail out RBS. The public was baying for his blood. He compunded his misery by trying to keep his £16m pension pot - for the years of service he had rendered. Public outcry forced him to give up part of this, although that's an unfair step - if you have to give up your accumulated PF because of a mistake you made, how unfair would it be for you.

Now the UK government has decided to withdraw his knighthood. This is very rarely done. He has for company, Anthony Blunt (a spy), Nicoale Ceausescu, the notorious dictator of Romania and Robert Mugabe, the tyrant of Zimbabwe who were all knighted and the knighthood subsequently withdrawn when it was realised what scoundrels they were. Fred Goodwin is however no scoundrel. The withdrawal was the result of a baying mob (otherwise called the British tabloid press) just wanting to inflict its own brand of punishment.

Fred Goodwin wasn't the first, and certainly won't be the last, to mistime a huge acquisition (ABN Amro) and get killed in the process. He made a bad misjudgement of the extent of the financial crisis - after all who didn't. But he did no crime. He hasn't even been charged, let alone convicted of any wrong doing. If business misjudgement was a crime, each one of us is a criminal. At that time, the shareholders of RBS enthusiastically supported his every move. There are many others who have been conferred knighthoods and were equally in the mess of the financial crisis.

The British are justifiably famous for their sense of honour and fair play. In this instance however, that noble quality seems to have deserted them. Punishing Sir Fred, with Mr Goodwin isn't cricket, old chaps !

The breaking in of a newbie

2012-01-29T08:41:00.000+05:30

Newbies have to be broken in. If you throw them at the deep end, they'll simply die of shock. This blogger has a substantially inflated opinion of himself and proclaims expertise in matters that he knows precious little about. But even he readily admits to being a complete newbie in one matter . And he was very privileged to be broken into the said field by two acknowledged experts.It must be clarified right here that this blogger has not indulged in this activity for some 30 years and therefore approached it with some trepidation.

They were very kind. They chose the shallow end of the pool for the first dip of the toe. Apparently this specimen which I was introduced to is not "typical". But was sufficient to give a good general idea. They prefaced the experience, by a good nourishment of the body (otherwise called lunch) in preparation for nourishment of the mind.

As it started, they very helpfully explained who was who. I was advised that the sum total of people in the city who did not recognise the main protagonists was one - that specimen being yours truly. But they didn't rub it in. They kindly explained the antecedents of the worthies. They however drew a line, when on being told that the chief was titled "Young Thalapathi", I respectfully asked who was the older version !

Matters went on predicted lines. I stared rather open mouthed. I fancy my minders were trying to observe me with the corner of their eyes rather than staring straight ahead. There was whistles and oohs when the gentleman with the title previously referred to appeared . He , alas, was not tall, dark or handsome - in fact he looked rather like my neighbourhood Romeo. I had mistakenly assumed that there would be many gorgeous women I could at least ogle at. Unfortunately I was advised that there was just one in this example they had chosen for me and that I would have to wait a while before feasting my eyes - to be fair, the lady was worth the wait.

The start was "electric" if you will pardon the pun. Dropping of pants and a lesson on conductivity of liquids was not what I had expected. After some inanity, the time came for breaking into song and dance. The flower train rather boggled the mind. I chuckled at some outrageous costumes and gyrations, but I couldn't help guffaw loudly at the sight of Tamilians trying to do the Bhangra - there are some things Tamilians can't do and imitation of Bhangra is certainly one of them. When a break came, I thought the experience was over until my advisers informed me that it was only the first instalment. More was to come. I had presumed that the moment was usually a call to fortify oneself with exotic preparations of the cola nut. However the experts were somewhat wary of the possibility of their subject bolting through the door - they wisely suggested that quenching of thirst be somewhat deferred and that being glued to wherever one was , was a safer course of action.

More did come. Another song and dance which morphed suddenly from an attempted kiss featuring rather scantily clad foreign beauties gyrating to forgettable music. Some lessons on the causes and effects of bodily activities best left unmentioned. Some incredible Tamilian names that would even flummox the most creative of new baby names handbooks - Come on; have you ever heard anybody named PP and KP. Also featured was a very detailed primer on innovative obstetrics. An elaborately worked example of how to snatch the bride from the altar. And an answer to the eternal dilemma facing mankind - can you kiss without bumping noses !

All was well that ended well. The beauty and the "beast" finally got together and presumably lived happily ever after. The breaking in was successful. To my eager experts, I opined that the experience was "not bad" and that an encore might even be a possibility. After which the two sorely tried champions, the wise one and the breezy one, to whom I am eternally grateful, shooed me off . Thereafter, I am told, they retired to a vegetarian version of the proverbial watering hole !

Coffee, wine or me

2012-01-24T10:24:00.000+05:30

Remember the old book series "Coffee Tea or Me" - well readers of this blog are probably too young to remember it. Maybe now its time for Coffee, Wine or me !

Why does a coffee chain want to serve alcohol ? Starbucks wants to try out having wine and beer on its menu in a few outlets in Seattle and Portland. At first sight it seems an odd combination. Why would Starbucks want to do that ??

The problem, as always, is growth. Starbucks hit a rough patch, if you remember, in 2008 which prompted the founder Howard Schultz to retake the reins as CEO. Currently it is doing well. Revenues in 2011 grew 9.3%. But how do you keep on growing the revenues. After all, how much more coffee can you stimulate your patrons to have. You can push the "eats", but that's a limited range. They are trying to enhance that with an offering of " premium foods" - whatever that means. And now alcohol.

But is Starbucks a bar ? No serious drinker will go to Starbucks for a pint or two. So the only opportunity is to attract a a mixed group of whom some want a cup of coffee and some want a glass of wine. How much is that opportunity ? Can't be really a growth driver. And what would happen to the brand - Starbucks is synonymous with coffee now. You want to dilute that ?

Of course the company is no fool. Its dotted with marketing types spewing Kotlerspeak. The trouble is that marketing types are often wrong. For the moment, Starbucks is only testing. If the test bombs - they'll quietly bury the idea.

An obvious avenue for growth is geography. Expand overseas - Starbucks is pretty much ubiquitous in America. Go abroad. Especially to magnetic China. They have actually started to become quite widespread in Chinese cities. China is a tea drinking country, but there are enough youngsters willing to swill coffee. Especially an American brand which carries a halo in that country. But the problem is that the Starbucks formula in the US is a disaster in China - free wifi, stay as long as you want ..... That's taken literally in China and giggling girls , four of whom sharing a cup, sit there all day. I hated going to a Starbucks outlet in China simply because I could never find a seat as "long term residents" had made themselves comfortable everywhere. Instead when I wanted a coffee I went to McDonald's where the coffee was superb , they served it within 20 seconds, and I could find a place to rest my bum - all at half the price of Starbucks. Screw the ambiance - the taste of great coffee drowned everything else. Global formulas don't always work.

So Coffee Wine or me ? I would stay with the coffee, thank you.

Shampoo for lunch

2012-01-22T09:25:00.000+05:30

It must have happened to you too. Standing in a long checkout line in an Indian "supermarket". Rajalakshmi , in front of you, has 742 items to bill. You wait patiently (as if you can do anything else). The bloke behind you is poking at your spine as he wills you to advance. Rajalakshmi is intently watching the amount totalling up on the display. It now stands at Rs 3742.50. After 18.5 minutes when all the 742 items have been billed (and not one second before), she digs into her purse and comes out with three fat wads of Sodexho coupons. All in denominations of Rs 5. And then proceeds to count them out laboriously. Being mathematically challenged, each time, she comes up with a different answer. 14 minutes later she discovers that she is Rs 5 short in coupons. She then proceeds to dig in to packed bags, go to the bottom, remove an item and ask the checkout guy to deduct that from the bill. She is now Rs 7 excess. She wants change back. He refuses ........You can do precious little but curse at the injustice in the world.

Forget Foreign Direct Investment. The biggest change required in Indian retail is the banning of Sodexho coupons. I don't mind Walmart not being there. I just want Sodexho to disappear.

For those unfamiliar with the Sodexho problem in India, this is a by product of feeding the thousands of coders who throng Indian cities. The office canteen providing free meals was always a part of the corporate landscape. But when the IT lot descended on the scene, they brought with them the Sodexho coupon. Each employee is given a thick wad of these blasted coupons. She's supposed to exchange them when buying lunch . Of course she does no such thing -she either starves, or has a banana or brings a tiffin box. Saves these coupons which then can be used to buy grocery in shops.

This is tax evasion on a grand scale by the relatively well to do. Food coupons are tax exempt with the ostensibly laudable objective of feeding Rajalakshmis. They are meant to be used to buy food when in office. Not to buy toilet paper for home. By Indian standards, coders are well paid. Their effective rate of taxation is usually low at 10 or 20%. This is blatant tax evasion which everybody indulges in. Before throwing mud at politicians, one should ensure that one's own shirt is white.

The problem has grown into an epidemic. Apparently there are 300,000 people using Sodexho coupons like this. Nobody knows the value , but the speculation is some Rs 3000 crores. This is parallel currency sloshing around along with the rupee. I have sometimes been offered these coupons as change. The look I give the retailer who suggests this, gives meaning to the term kolaveri !

Pre budget consultations are currently going on in India. Here's a free suggestion to the Hon'ble Pranab Mukherjee. Remove the tax exemption on Sodexho coupons. And just watch them disappearing at lightning speed. I shall cheer mightily if Dada would do that.

Can we win ?

2012-01-15T15:03:00.000+05:30

Down and out is one of the worst moments in life. It comes to everybody at some time or the other, save for the blessed few that God has chosen to spare. It comes to businesses, it comes to sports teams, it comes to people, it comes to you and me. The Indian cricket team is in that situation now. British Petroleum and Lehman Brothers faced it not so long ago. To many in Greece or Portugal, it might be that way at this moment. It all appears bleak. There is much darkness and little light. Even the air seems suffocating. The world seems to be an approximation of Hell.

This is the moment when strength of character shows out and is sorely needed. The strength to struggle and stand up despite the ferocious battering. Perhaps with a few more ingredients that might help enlarge the glimmer of light, such as it is.

Hope , of course. If you look at it, Pandora did humanity a service, releasing all the evils, but also releasing Hope. For an utopian world with no evil, but also no hope, does not seem to be an attractive version of Paradise.

Perhaps something to lean on. A friend perhaps. Or a family. Or one's faith. Just to provide an anchor. A support, as strength is gathered for the long climb out of the hole.

Steely determination surely. The past is past. Tomorrow is another day. The Phoenix can rise from the ashes.

Action for sure. Moping is natural, but action is better. Not the plodding along as of old, but bold new action. Decisiveness, discipline, and energy. Small milestones that get larger and larger. 250 next time. 300 thereafter. Each one achieved with no quarters asked or given. Easily said; tougher to do of course.

Belief. That's a difficult one when in the bottom of the hole. Especially as everybody peering from the top is nodding their head at the futility of it all. But the spark should not be allowed to die out. It is what will light the fire along the way.

And above all some compassion as the climb is begun. For some unfortunate soul further down and struggling, a helping hand perhaps.

Why this touchy, feely, vague post in an ostensibly hard headed business blog ?? Don't ask. To quote William Cowper - Variety's the very spice of life, That gives it all its flavour".

So the response to the rhetorical question at the title of this post. Of course, yes we can. Even if the voice is squeaky and barely audible, the throat with a lump and perhaps a tear shining at the corner of the eye.

OMG; Where did Friday go ?

2012-01-08T19:21:00.000+05:30

How would you feel if you fell asleep on Thursday night and woke up on Saturday morning. No No; you didn't oversleep like crazy. Somebody moved the clocks. This is exactly what happened on 30th December if you were a Samoan - actually there was no 30th December. The world magically went from 29th to 31st. The reality behind the magic is quite prosaic. Samoa simply decided to come "this" side of the International Date line from "that".

The international date line is an arbitrary line that dictates where the easternmost and westernmost part of the world is. As you can see from the picture below it is not a straight line at all - quite arbitrary. If you fancy such things, you could have celebrated New Year's day in Tonga ; hopped across on a short plane ride to Samoa on the west of the line and celebrated New Year's day again. Alas, no longer.

Samoa does such things. Sometime ago they moved from driving on the right of the road to the left of the road - chronicled in this post. Now they have made everybody older by a day by just a wave of the wand. Such are the serious issues that the government of Samoa tackles.

The official explanation is that Samoa is on the side of the time zone which makes it one of the last countries to finish the day. That way they are on the same date as Hawaii and the rest of the US. But their biggest trading partners are now New Zealand and Australia - Kiwibloke, a regular commentator here has helpfully pointed out that there are more Samoans in Australia than there are in Samoa itself. But the time zones are such that Samoa is never on the same day as Australia - so when the Samoans are working (presumably) on a Friday, it is already the weekend in Australia (every sensible Aussie is on the beach ogling at Sheilas) and when the Samoans are "resting" on a Sunday, the Kiwis are already working on their Monday. This mismatch is apparently hurting the Samoans economically - hence this move !! Its amazing what you can justify on the grounds of economics these days.

We can hereby grant Samoa the title of the most entertaining and quixotic country in the world.

Eyes left : Look towards Nigeria

2012-01-05T08:02:00.001+05:30

There is endemic corruption that beggars belief. There is a highly educated, superb English speaking elite and large masses of illiterate poor. There is insurgency and terrorism around the edges. There is organised loot of the country's finances with a few getting extremely rich and the lot remaining dirt poor. Misguided subsidies are ruining the state finances. There is a thriving film industry that churns our the second largest number of movies in the world and provides opium to the masses. No this is not India. Welcome to Nigeria.

Nigeria is an oil producing country. You would expect that to be a huge blessing, right ? Wrong. It has proved to be a curse. Nigeria is suffering from an unsustainable petroleum subsidy burden. So unsustainable that this week it announced abolition of the subsidy. Predictably there will be chaos on the streets as large scale protests have commenced.

The petroleum subsidy case in Nigeria is a textbook case of how pathetic government policies can ruin a country. Nigeria is an oil producing nation. However it has not set up refining capacity. It therefore exports crude and imports refined products. It then massively subsidises petroleum prices. A litre of petrol costs Rs 20 (US$ 0.40). The government spends some $1bn a month in subsidies. This is simply unsustainable.

Subsidies like this distorts every economic activity. There is, of course, large scale smuggling into neighbouring countries where the prices are four times higher. The largest per capita incidence of petrol pumps in the world is in the border towns like Idiroko - organised smuggling designed to fill the coffers of the masters in Lagos.

From the perspective of the poor, the subsidy is the only thing the government does for them. It is otherwise almost a failed state. The government says the money wasted on the subsidy will be used to build infrastructure, schools, hospitals, etc - things that the government ought to be doing. The trouble is that nobody believes them. Given the highly sophisticated levels of organised corruption, few doubt where the money will land up.

Replace petroleum subsidy with colour TVs or colossal statues or free power and you'll look at a country, readers of this blog are more familiar with.

India often likes to compare itself with China. It should instead look up to Nigeria. That is the true role model - of how bad things can become if the deterioration in governance and the state continues in its present trajectory.

Yes, we can

2012-01-01T18:52:00.000+05:30

To many, the year gone by was a bad year. Natural disasters took their toll - the earthquakes in Japan & New Zealand, the floods in Thailand, Brazil and the Philippines, Irene slapped the US earlier in the year, and just as the year was slipping by, Thane kicked Tamil Nadu. Unemployment remained rampant in the developed world ; there is nothing more demoralising than losing your job and not having a hope of getting another one. Large parts of Europe are in crisis. Austerity measures are hurting badly, especially in Greece, and now Italy. Inflation has hurt people in China and India and growth slowing down in both countries is ominous. The Arab world had a new spring, but winter seems to have set in somewhat prematurely. You could be forgiven for ushering in the new year in a somewhat sombre mood.

But there is every reason to look forward with hope. Adversity often brings the best in man. We can find strength that we did not even know we possessed. The Euro zone will hold together and the crisis will pass. Belt tightening will be required, but with courage and fortitude, there will be less suffering. Joblessness in the developed world will start to reduce as a slow recovery happens . There is no better a mood lifter than getting and holding a job. Inflation will ease in India and China - signs are there already and more and more people can lift themselves out of poverty. An encouraging part of the world is Africa. Long abandoned as a basket case, many countries are showing good growth and the Asian achievement of lifting people out of poverty is slowly, but surely, being replicated in Africa.

The year ahead is going to see significant elections in France and the US and a generation change in leadership in China. Each one of these is going to be momentous - none more so than the change looming in China where for the first time, such a change is going to happen without a strongman like Mao or Deng lording over it. Perhaps a leadership change might happen in India too.

We can look forward to 2012 with hope. I am surmising that the worst is over economically. The upturn might be slow, but upturn it is going to be. We can do much better this year and when the time comes to ring out the year, we can be in a much more cherful mood than we are today. Yes , we can.

An experience of a lifetime

2011-12-28T17:02:00.000+05:30

Antha naal gnabakam ....

2011-12-25T08:28:00.000+05:30

Memories of those days, goes the title of this post in Tamil. Alumni reunions are an American tradition. It was not very common in India, until recent years. You passed out of school and college - and that was that. You went your own way , kept in touch with a few, lost touch with most and lived your own life. Rarely did you return. But that trend is changing.

A week ago, the 1961 batch from Madras Medical College held their 50th year reunion. Everybody was 70 plus in age, obviously. Some 60 odd batchmates attended, it is reported. They came from far and wide. They went back to their old classrooms . They went back to their labs. They sang the songs of their days. Including this one (sorry its in Tamil) which was actually released in their year in college. They ribbed their mates as they used to do so long ago. In short, they had a whale of a time.

What is it that attracts people to reunions. After all they have gone so far a distance that they may not even be able to relate to their school or college anymore. Even the closest buddy, who was a life mate in those days has changed so much that you can barely recognise him. So why the pull ??

The pull is because as you grow older, nostalgia becomes a more and more powerful emotion. Sure everything has changed beyond recognition, including you. But so what ? There is the magical pull of past memories that whitewashes the dirty and puts a golden hue on the ordinary. Yes, the school looks a bit shabby now. Yes the town looks a bit lost in the ages. But there is a special joy in revelling in the past. Talk about the carefree days of school (never mind that they hardly seemed carefree then). Talk longingly of the teachers (even though they caned you to fury). Talk to the girls, now women (you wouldn't be caught dead talking to a girl then). Wander about in your memories. Grasp a fleeting remembrance that was buried deep in the mind. Smile at the playground where you whiled away the years. Walk around with a silly smile on your face. And heave a deep sigh before returning back to the real world.

That's what awaits me for the next 2 days. I go to the 35th year reunion of my school batch. OMG ; how did the years fly by ?

The beginning of the end ?

2011-12-23T07:03:00.000+05:30

It was a long time coming. In retrospect its actually surprising that the backlash is starting only now. The backlash against email, I mean. A few days ago Atos Origin, a French IT company, started the ball rolling by announcing that it would ban email in the company by 2014. Now Volkswagen unions have struck a deal with the company that emails to their unionised employees would be switched off after office hours.

This had to happen. E Mail addiction is an extremely serious epidemic as this blogger observed here. It is a global pandemic of epic proportions. Walk into any office or meeting - you would see rows and rows of people peering into their screens or thumbing away at their Blackberries. Eerie scenes more suited for George Orwell's 1984.

Its well known that more than half the emails you get are completely useless. And you get a LOT of emails. For some reason your genes are so programmed that you have to see each and every one of them 15 nanoseconds after they arrive. The greatest attraction to mankind, even more than a gorgeous topless woman, is a blinking light on the Blackberry. Social norms still hold you back from pawing at the aforesaid lady. Nothing in the world - not even an earthquake - can keep you from grabbing the Blackberry.

This is what most of us do in offices. Either tap out or read useless stuff 50% of the time. And for years now, it has extended out of the office into our homes. We do the same inane stuff in bed, in the car, even in the loo. Absolutely waste of our lives.

Email, when it arrived, dramatically increased office productivity. Now I am willing to bet (and some distinguished academic has no doubt done research on this) that it has actually lowered productivity back to pre email days.

Consider this. Would you think it appropriate to talk all the time in the office and at home ? Why then is it OK to be emailing all the time ?? Shut the $%#@ thing off and do some real work.

A classy speech

2011-12-18T08:23:00.000+05:30

Rahul Dravid, India's elder statesman of cricket, delivered the Bradman Oration at Canberra last week. If you want to hear a classy, graceful, charming, stylish speech, look no further. Class, grace, charm and style define the man and perhaps it is but natural, that his speech was all of that. It is about cricket, of course, but even if you are not a cricket fan, listen to it if you have the time - this is how a speech should be made. Its 40 mts long, but I really wished it wouldn't end.

Rahul's speech follows in the lines of another classic speech - from Kumar Sangakkara of Sri Lanka, when he delivered the Cowdrey lecture in July. Another gem, you can listen to here .

English oration is alive and well in the colonies, atleast in the sporting world !

One small step for Huawei, one giant leap for China

2011-12-12T11:37:00.001+05:30

As is often the case, the seemingly trivial turns out to be a giant event. I suspect this is the case with Huawei's announcement, buried in the back pages of financial newspapers that it would no longer pursue new business in Iran. So what , you might ask. Read on.

One of the fundamental principles in China is the total separation of politics & economics. It has one of the freest of capitalist systems (at least for Chinese) and one of the most controlled of political systems. In foreign affairs, China has diligently pursued a policy of complete non interference in political matters. Its policy in Africa is unique in history. It is rapidly colonising economically, but scrupulously keeping away from interference in local politics. It will do business with anybody - God, Archangel Gabriel, Satan, Devil whoever, as long as there is business to be done. Before you denounce it, consider that there is some merit in this approach - the Chinese say political matters are for the citizens of that country to decide and it is not their place to make value judgements on them. In this, they are completely different from the European colonisers of the past.

The first chink I have come across in this policy is this announcement from Huawei. Huawei is a large supplier of telecoms equipment to Iran. These are undoubtedly used for espionage and suppression. Iran is a pariah for many nations - no American company can deal there. There has been constant criticism in the West of Chinese companies who do business there, but that's not unusual - they are often criticised for doing business with the likes of Mugabe. So why has Huawei taken this clearly political step. Before you think that this is one company deciding and not China - perish the thought. No company in China decides on any sensitive matter without the go ahead from the government. For the first time, atleast as far as I know, China is saying politics might dictate economics in foreign affairs.

Is it finally true that economic clout cannot be divorced completely from politics. As China's economic power grows bigger and bigger in the countries it is doing business with, it becomes harder and harder to stand aside and say it is not involved with local politics. This is exactly what happened to the East India Company, which started in exactly the same way. Maybe China is reaching the inflexion point. One breach like the Huawei action and the dam has to burst. Can the Chinese now deal with blood diamonds in the Congo, or keep away from selling arms to Mugabe, for very long ? As it gets drawn more and more into global politics, it will have profound implications for the world and China. The world because, it will alter the balance of political power inexorably. And for China because it is not good at doing this - diplomacy is not its strong point and it will have to learn.

That's why I think, its one small step for Huawei ..........

Of adjectives that don't apply

2011-12-04T09:46:00.001+05:30

What's common to beautiful, popular, controversial, helpful, successful, deserving and proud ? Besides being adjectives ? What's common is that they don't apply to this blog. Nothing here is beautiful, popular ......; you get the drift.

When you are tagged to apply those adjectives to your blog, you have to really scratch your head. Tagging used to be a rage three years ago when blogging itself was a rage. Blogging is now in a steep and precipitous decline. The ladies who started deeply intellectual tags that asked "What are you wearing" have all disappeared. Tags have naturally vanished. But Reflections, a star blogger started this tag and Preeti, a master blogger has tagged me with extremely affectionate words that have gone straight into my head. I was also tagged by a blogger I deeply respect and admire, and since she did me the honour of not linking my blog but simply saying incredibly kind words, I am doing so likewise. So I have force fitted the adjectives to my blog and in a fit of vanity, picked up the tag.

This is the tag

Rules:
1) Blogger is nominated to take part

2) Blogger publishes his/her 7 links on his/her blog – 1 link for each category.
The links are:
- Your most beautiful post
– Your most popular post
– Your most controversial post
– Your most helpful post
– A post whose success surprised you
– A post you feel didn’t get the attention it deserved
– The post that you are most proud of

3) Blogger nominates up to 5 more bloggers to take part.

4) These bloggers publish their 7 links and nominate another 5 more bloggers

5) And so it goes on!

Unlike Preeti, who has taken posts from this year, I thought I would go back to 3 years ago when I started blogging and choose posts from the early days. From my first two months of blogging.

Beautiful post - A moving video . Not a real post, but simply a link. Nothing in a business blog can remotely be termed beautiful.

Popular Post - E Mail addiction. It got THIRTEEN comments (ha ha). Never mind that half of those were my own replies. But in the good old days when even one comment was a joy to behold, that seemed like out of the world.

Controversial Post - Leave the wives at home . You are forbidden from asking if I know the meaning of the word controversial.

Helpful - A (Power) Pointless world . If only many will "take my help".

Success surprised you - Subprime crisis in plain English - My first double digit comment post. You are again forbidden from asking if I know the meaning of the word "success"

Didn't get the attention it deserved - Its just not cricket . Got zero comments. Boo Hoo !

Post most proud of - Women in Indian business . I truly believe this.

For once I will break my habit of not tagging others and actually tag 5 bloggers who have stopped blogging. They are lovely bloggers and we must respect their decision not to continue, but I can't resist harassing them - so to you The Thoughtful Train, Le Embrouille Blogeuer, Half Indian, Sri and the non sarkari Sardar - (he's even deleted his blog) - come back you lot. We really miss you.

By the way, in case you are wondering why all my linked posts have a rude exclamation mark instead of a photo, its probably Blogger telling me what it thought of them !!

Toothbrushes and mobile phones

2011-12-02T18:03:00.001+05:30

There are more people in the world today who own a mobile phone than a toothbrush. This may startle you, but its true, at least according to 60secondmarketer.com. There are 4 bn mobile phone users in the world. The annual sales of toothbrushes is 3.5 bn.

This won't surprise you if you read the excellent book, Poor Economics, by Abhijit Banerjee and Esther Duflo. My good friend Ravi, who often comments on this blog, very kindly gifted it to me and it makes fascinating reading. It was named as the Financial Times Business book of the year. As the byline says, its a book about rethinking poverty and the ways to end it. The book destroys many myths about poverty and provides fascinating insights into the behaviour of the poor. Its no surprise then that they would rather own a mobile phone than a toothbrush.

One of the big insights is that things that make life less boring are a priority for the poor. The quote from Oucha Mbarbk, a poor Moroccan villager sums it all up "Oh, but television is more important than food !" In country after country, the researchers have tried to analyse why the poor eat so little, and sometimes bad food, even when they have the money. Food spending is actually declining in a poor country like India. Its because food is not a priority !

Another fascinating area of research is health. The largest killer of children in world is actually diarrhea. Two cheap and easily available miracle drugs can save the 2 million children who die of diarrhea before their 5th birthday - chlorine bleach and a rehydration solution of salt and sugar. And yet many do not use it even when given free. They want an antibiotic or an intravenous drip. Prevention is frowned upon. An expensive cure, often in the hands of a quack is preferred.

Another deep insight - poor are like hedge fund managers; they live with huge amounts of risk. They manage this by a typical hedging strategy - diversifying activities. A striking fact quoted from one survey - the median family had three working members and seven different occupations. And you would expect that in a high risk enviroment, insurance in some form or the other would be popular. Wrong. Nobody seems to want insurance.

The book is full of amazing tidbits of research. For example , in Kenya, one of the largest levers for ensuring prosperity for your child was actually giving her deworming tablets. Children who were given deworming tablets for 2 years instead of only 1 year earned 20% more every year for their entire lifetime !!

There is , of course, no silver bullet for eradicating poverty. You mustn't expect one from this book. But it offers many fascinating insights that would make anybody think again about poverty. I heartily recommend anybody with an interest in this subject to read this book.

Ramamritham rules

2011-11-25T07:55:00.001+05:30

Alas, Ramamritham is alive , well and strong and he rules upon all that he surveys (pun intended). The Indian Government will announce today in parliament that it would open up the retail sector to foreign investment. No doubt the Left will organise some bandhs, yell at 10,000 decibels in the Lok Sabha, and then this law will be passed while the opposition will walk out en masse.

Ostensibly, this is economic reform. Its a pathetic, 15cms of reform after a decade of nothing happening, but we'll reserve that criticism for another day. What has got my goat is Ramamritham's dirty footprint all across this move.

Firstly foreign investment of 100% will be allowed in Single Brand Retail, but only 51% in multi brand retail. Therefore a Marks & Spencer store can be 100% foreign owned, but Carrefour can't. Even though they may both sell precisely the same things (M&S does sell a lot of food). Pray why ??

Secondly Ramamritham has excelled himself in drafting a series of conditions for allowing even this. Look at some of them

The minimum investment is $100 m. Where he got this figure is unclear. Why not $82.5 m? But at least we can live with this
50% of this $100 m has to be invested in "back end". Then our venerable hero has gone on to clarify that land, rentals and front end stores will not count as back end. No doubt detailed rules on what is back and what is front will be framed. (here is conclusive proof at last that Ramamritham doesn't know his front side from his back side) Lobbyists will work very hard to get IT systems included in back end. But R will qualify that Microsoft Office will not count as back end. Many months of fruitful work and litigation awaits.
30% has to be sourced by these companies from small scale (completely irrelevant if the product is rubbish and the consumer does not want it) No doubt a front small scale company will be set up who will buy the stuff from a big company and then sell it to the retailer to fulfill this quota. R being very smart will then draft rules to stop this. The retailer being equally smart will get a small scale company to buy from a small scale company to buy from a big company ....... and so on.
Stores can be set up only in cities with 1 million population. Lobbyists will work to reduce this number to half a million. They will then lobby that last year Gummidipoondi crossed 1 million population and that R should not wait for another 10 years for the next census but instead pass an interim order allowing the store to be opened there.

How can we get this into Ramamritham's thick skull that we don't want him deciding what is good or bad for us as consumers. Or for the small Indian retailer who he is trying to protect with such quixotic rules. The Indian retailer needs no protection. He is quite a formidable force. Its by no means certain that small retailers will vanish just because Walmart came in - in India the economics of the retail industry, especially the relative high cost of real estate, is such that this is very unlikely.

In any case, how about letting the consumer choose. Rajalakshmi will vote with her feet and purse. She will buy where something is cheaper, better and where she likes to go. She deserves that freedom. Ramamritham should be booted from blocking the way.

PS : For those new to this space, Ramaritham is the mythical, fictional bureaucrat who takes orgasmic pleasure in framing complex, unnecessary and useless rules in order to make lives miserable for ordinary members of the homo sapiens species.

Why this kolaveri di

2011-11-23T08:44:00.001+05:30

The title of the post is simply to substantiate to Gils , Zeno and other experts that I am "tuned in" ! In case you are still flummoxed, then that is clear proof that you simply aren't up to date with the "in thing" !! Why this kolaveri di is a completely nonsensical song that for reasons totally baffling has become a massive rage and has gone viral in the last four days. Since world success these days is measured in terms of number of views in YouTube (1.8 million in 4 days and rising by the minute) and insane numbers of Tweets, Facebook mentions and likes ; it can be conclusively established as a massive hit. I am reliably told that it is competing with another equally baffling entity called Lady Gaga for global leadership.

The song is in "Tanglish" - the curious mixture of Tamil and English which is widely spoken in Madras. It is from a forthcoming movie called 3 (zero marks for creativity in naming a movie). The lyrics are complete nonsense and there is virtually no reason why it should appeal to anybody. And yet it is a hit in four days. WHY ????

This is the mystery of success in consumer marketing. No amount of consumer insight or market research will tell you why something will succeed while a similar thing bombs. The consumer continues to be an indescribable mystery. Many pundits will write treatises on why it succeeded, but after the event. Only a rare genius such as Steve Jobs, could confidently predict success, and get it right. That's why he is so highly feted.

Can anybody tell me why Justin Bieber's Baby should have more than half a billion views on YouTube (the kid can't sing for Gods sake). And why Charlie Bit my Finger was long reining as the top watched video of all time and even now is a respectable 6th with some 400 million views. Or for that matter, why a yucky tasting syrup, developed as a patented quack medicine for morphine addiction, dyspepsia and impotence should become the largest consumed drink in the world for 100 years.

Who can fathom the mind of Rajalakshmi, Wang Xiao or Jane Doe ?

The awfulness of Benetton

2011-11-17T07:52:00.001+05:30

Benetton, the clothing company, has been struggling of late. So they've gone back to their horrible old formula to promote their brand - make shocking advertisements.

Their campaign is called "UNhate" - whatever that means. These are some of their abominations.

The last one elicited an irritated objection from the Vatican for the depiction of the Holy Father in this manner and that too for a commercial purpose. Benetton has reportedly withdrawn this ad.

Benetton is known for outrageous advertising in the past. I won't dignify their earlier indecencies with reproducing those photographs. They have included a man dying of AIDS, a new born with its umbilical cord still connected to the mother, a soldier holding a human bone, and the like.

Sure, there is clutter in advertising and you need to break through it. But there must be a sense of decency in business, just as the same as in all walks of life. Anything that is legally OK, is not OK. Making money by shocking people seems to be an awful way to earn a living.

But in a capitalist system, the consumer has the final say. If enough people are offended by such tactics, they simply will not buy the product. Benetton's sales are some € 2 bn, not too far from where they were a decade ago. Zara, a competitor, which does not advertise, sells € 12 bn. But alas, Benetton routinely wins advertising awards for "innovative" advertising.

Being a committed capitalist, I never thought I would utter the following words, but now I do - I heartily wish that Benetton would go bust. Moral bankruptcy is a prelude to financial bankruptcy.

Three cheers for Shiv

2011-11-14T10:02:00.001+05:30

Running a marathon is usually a huge superhuman effort; Right ? Well, lots of people run marathons every year, but for the non professionals, it is usually a major milestone. They train very hard for it, suffer through the race, but ultimately make it. It's an achievement to be very proud of.

What then do you say of the ultra marathoners ?? The marathon, as you may know is 42 kms and a bit. Anything more than this is an ultra marathon. What can you say about the guys and gals who run 50km, 75km and , yes, 100 km ?? They are not professionals. They are ordinary guys and gals like you and me. They hold a day job and run only for pleasure. Men, women of all ages. This isn't for money - there is no money. This isn't for fame - did any of you hear about the Bangalore Ultra before this post ? This is simply for achievement.

This post is a tribute to my good friend, and long ago classmate, Shiv, who ran the 75km race in the Bangalore Ultra Marathon yesterday. Yes; seventy five kilometres. And finished in 11hrs plus. He won the Seniors category in the 75km race. The Bangalore Ultra is run on a cross country trail - not on flat roads. The trail is full of stones, moon craters and the like. Even walking on it seemed a challenging task to me. These guys run an ultra marathon on it. I was there all day to cheer him and the other runners on and treated to an incredibly rewarding experience.

Shiv and the others set off at 5 AM in the morning, when it was still dark and he finished after 4 PM. He is 50+. He's always been a great sportsman, but this is something altogether on a different plane. To run 75 kms , a distance he has never done before. Wow ! For sheer guts , courage and achievement, this must rank at the very top. Shiv - you are an absolute hero. Just the thought of 75kms is scary to me ! You run it as if it was just another day at the office. Super Wow !

Watching him and the others is a peep inside a fascinating world. Each runner is completely dedicated to running. They train like crazy. They bear much pain. They run for a sense of personal accomplishment. Its all about setting a personal goal - maybe distance, maybe timing - and achieving it.Winning is secondary. They cheer everybody. There is an enormous sense of comradeship. The guy who finishes 3 hours behind the winner is cheered as lustily, with the winner usually taking the lead in cheering the loudest. Everybody helps everybody else. Everybody is a winner. They represent some of the best qualities of amateur sport.

Isn't this how life itself should be ?

A letter to a certain Chief Minister in India

2011-11-06T09:58:00.000+05:30

Dear Madam,

We are concerned about the state of your vocal chords, after your recent exertions of that organ protesting against the nth rise in the price of petrol that the Indian government announced a few days ago. While we are well aware of your superhuman powers in that sphere of activity, I am nevertheless concerned enough to give you some advice on the amelioration of stress on your voice box. I am not one of your subjects, not living in your state at the moment, but have lived there in the past and therefore have a certain affinity.

What has aroused your ire is the increase in price of petrol by Rs 1.80 per litre a few days ago. You have accused the Central government of total insensitivity to the plight of the common man and have threatened to withdraw your support to the government. With inflation running so high in India, you are justly concerned with adding fuel to the fire, if you'll pardon the pun.I totally agree with your sentiments, but my ire is not necessarily directed only against the Central government.

I understand if I have to fill up my tank in your state, I have to pay Rs 73.15 per litre. That being a fairly substantial price, I decided to do some calculation on who gets what I am paying. Here's my amateur attempt.

I pay Rs 32.00 per litre to His Excellency King Abdullah bin Abdul-Aziz Al Saud of Saudi Arabia to keep him and his descendants in cosseted luxury for the next 7000 years (otherwise called price of crude oil)

I pay Rs 7.00 to Mr R. S Butola , Chairman of Indian Oil Corporation, for him to stay solvent , pun intended, (otherwise called refining charges)

I pay Rs 5.00 to Santa Singh , lorry driver (otherwise called transport charges). I don't begrudge paying him this in return for all the Sardarji jokes that he has, very kindly, contributed.

I pay Rs 14.35 to the Hon'ble Pranab Mukherjee, Finance Minister of India (otherwise called Excise duty). To be fair to Pranabda, he has been trying to reduce this, having abolished customs duty that he used to levy before.

I then pay some Rs 15 to you ( under the name of sales tax).

You want to charge me some 26%+ rate of state sales tax. Don't you find it usurious ? Pranabda has been crying to states to remove the ad valorem rate of duty on petrol and make it a specific rate, as he has done on the Central VAT. You refuse to do this. Therefore when the central government increased the price of petrol by Rs 1.80, you gleefully contributed another 50 paise of increase. And with a straight face, you are giving significant exercise to your vocal chords.

You may now see the general direction of how you can prevent the onset of acute laryngitis.

I have only one argument in your defence. Your counterpart in the state I live in, is worse than you (30%). But then, he has wisely chosen to give his vocal chords a rest !

Yours sincerely

Romesh (spelling in deference to your tastes)

Without Comment

2011-11-03T09:52:00.002+05:30

Brilliant article in the Financial Times today. Dripping with sarcasm and wit. Alas its a bit technical and you'll enjoy it immensely if you have a bit of background in finance, but even otherwise its a good read.

For those not in touch with American politics or high finance -

John Corzine is a former head of Goldman Sachs. He was deposed by Henk Paulson. Corzine then became a Senator from New Jersey and then Governor. He got defeated in the election in 2010, by Chris Christie who is the current Governor of New Jersey. After his defeat in the election, Corzine became Chairman of MF Global which has just declared Chapter 11 bankruptcy.

A dog saves the day

2011-10-30T07:53:00.000+05:30

A dog might prove to be the unlikeliest saviour of Formula 1, a sport that is direly in need of saving . Bravo India, for unwittingly pointing the way ahead for the sport.

Today is the first ever Indian Grand Prix - held at Noida, at the Buddh circuit, just off Delhi. Why it has come up in Delhi is a mystery - the racing capital (of whatever racing there is) of India is Chennai or Coimbatore. But Delhi it is. This is the fag end of the Formula 1 season; the championship is already decided and there is very little to drive for. But then Bernie Eccleston, the boss of F1, has grasped that the future of the sport depends on the growing audience in Asia - that's why in the last three or four years, new Grand Prixs have come up in Beijing, Singapore, Bahrain, Abu Dhabi, Istanbul (almost Asia !), Yeongam (Korea) ; to add to the more traditional Asian venues Suzuka (Japan) and Sepang (Malaysia). Now India.

Formula 1 has become a bore. The results are completely predictable; superb safety measures have ensured that there are far fewer crashes and rules are changed every 15 days until nobody knows what they are. There are no more flamboyant personalities of the likes of Ayrton Senna - today's drivers are more technical automatons. Even the pretty girls hanging around in skimpy clothes seem to be rather muted. I haven't watched a Formula 1 race for the last two seasons - its become that boring. When a sports nut like me does that, there is something seriously wrong with the sport.

India might offer the redemption. On the first practice session on Friday, a dog ran on to the track and the session had to be stopped for some 20 minutes. This was the most happening thing that day - the rest of it was predictably boring. Now, any Indian knows that a car tyre is irresistible to a dog. In some cases, it is even irresistible to humans, but we shall let that pass.

So here are some very Indian ideas to make the sport hugely more exciting and get the fans back

Introduce the Indian cow (preferably with a calf) to roam the circuit at random
Two wheelers featuring two types of Indian drivers must be in the circuit - the rambo who thinks he's Rajnikanth (or whoever) and revs up his pitiful 85cc mobike and tries to do a wheelie or the uncle and aunty (100 kgs each) with three kids on a wobbly moped.
The tractor who comes in the opposite direction to the racing with headlights on
The overladen truck who is parked right in the middle of the fastest section of the track, camouflaged to be invisible. For good effect a small branch with four leaves can be placed 10 metres behind as a warning.
One giant crater right in the middle of the first corner (measurements - 1 ft by 4 ft and at least 2ft deep)
Four completely invisible speed breakers that will hit the underside of the chassis, placed strategically where the driver will least expect it.

If Sebastian Vettel (the current world champion) can navigate that and win the race, then the crowds will come back for the thrill. Formula 1 will become the most thrilling spectator sport in the world.

China searches for its soul

2011-10-23T09:27:00.000+05:30

If you are a Sinophile, this is old news and you don't want to read about this anymore; if you are not, this may be new to you. Little Wang Yue, affectionately called Yueyue is dead. She was only 2.

Yueyue, a toddler, wandered on to a road in Foshan, a southern Chinese city and was hit by a vehicle. A security camera filmed the whole scene. 18 passerbys saw her lying in a pool of blood, but walked on and did nothing to help her. The driver who hit her, drove on. Yet another vehicle hit her as she was lying injured. Finally a noble lady, a rag picker, Chen Xianmei, came to help her. Yueyue was taken to hospital. But she slipped into a coma and died.

China is going through a bout of soul searching. The security video that filmed the whole grisly thing has gone on the Net. Weibo, the Chinese equivalent of Twitter (Twitter is still banned in China), has millions of messages bemoaning what happened. China is asking itself the question - has materialism and money become so domineering that human values have taken a backseat ?

The driver of the first vehicle who hit her, has allegedly said (not entirely corroborated) that if the victim dies, he would only have to pay 20,000 yuan, whereas if she had survived, he would have to pay her medical costs for life.What about the 18 passerbys who looked and walked on and did nothing to help a 2 year old lying critically injured. What makes a human being do that ?

Part of it is the so called Peng Yu effect. In a famous case in Nanjing, a good samaritan called Peng Yu helped an old woman who had been injured in a bus stop. He even took her to hospital. For his labours, he was sued by the woman and a stupid judge ordered that Peng Yu must pay 40% of her medical bills (the learned idiot ruled that Peng Yu would not have stopped to help unless he caused her to be injured). Similar cases have happened. People have faked injuries in order to be able to sue the person who came to help.

Money is God and undoubtedly the dominant religion in China. But that does not mean that the society has lost its human values. Far from it. Chinese can be the most affectionate and friendly of people. I know it from personal experience. One case does not typify Chinese society. But it certainly must trigger, as it has, a bout of soul searching.

Not just in China, but everywhere else in the world. Alas what happened to Yueyue would happen in many countries in the world. Including my own. People will turn their faces and keep going and do nothing to help. But there will also be a Chen Xianmei, who will stop and assist. Usually it is the poorer sections of the society who will be more ready to help. If somebody is lying injured on the road, the BMW will slow down to look, but is more than likely to drive off. It is the pavement dweller or the homeless, happening to be around, who will rush to help.

Sorry Yueyue. The world did not care for you. Your family may not believe in religion, but I do hope there is a God somewhere who has taken you in His arms.

Storm in an ice cream cup

2011-10-21T09:32:00.000+05:30

Schweddy Balls ice cream is brewing up a storm. It has caught the ire of One Million Moms, who are protesting about it. Wow !

Ben & Jerry's seems to be the flavour of the month on this blog. They are the lot who are churning our a limited edition Schweddy Balls ice cream, which they claim has risen to the top of the charts - presumably charts exist for ice cream flavours too. Apparently it is "fudge covered rum balls" , whatever that means. Schweddy Balls is a take on a Saturday Night Live skit (a television show in the US). An innuendo laced old skit aired on that programme has the "memorable" tag line - no one can resist my Schweddy Balls.

On Million Moms is some obscure conservative organisation based in Mississippi of all places. They are up in arms. They say the language is unsuitable for children. They have forced some supermarket chains not to carry Schweddy Balls and are petitioning the company to stop the production. Little wonder Ben & Jerry's is revelling in the publicity and refusing to do anything of the sort. I thought motherhood was a pretty taxing full time job - are One Million Moms having enough idle time to be protesting about some trivial stuff ?

B&J of course has a long history of quirky names. The initial lot were simply just that; quirky - Chunky Monkey, Cherry Garcia and the like. They seem to happily coexist with the more prosaic Banana Split and Chocolate Fudge Brownie. Presumably uncolourful lot like me would prefer Chocolate, but a breezy sulo would want Bonnaroo Buzz ! But then they graduated to Karamel Sutra, which was apparently lapped up by the kilo litre. They had a Chubby Hubby flavour, which was fair enough considering that most hubbies in real life are fairly chubby, if not downright tubby. But when same sex marriages were sort of in the news, out came Hubby Hubby.

Perhaps Hopfrog or J or Deepa, who have access to the miracles of modern day indulgences can pronounce on the relative merits of Schweddy Balls vs Karamel Sutra vs Hubby Hubby !

Ah ; what a storm in an ice cream cup.

Corporate Japan at its worst

2011-10-17T19:21:00.001+05:30

In the good old days when I was in business school, Japan could do no wrong. A million books were written on the Japanese style of management. America was bust, Japan was everything. Case after case taught at business school was on how gloriously managed Japanese businesses were. At that time the two words we were thoroughly sick of was Japan and Walmart ! Time has since proved that there is a fair bit to admire about Japanese management, but a lot that is thoroughly rotten.

A great example is what happened at Olympus last week. This is the company that makes cameras.They just fired Michael Woodford, their CEO, and a 30 year company veteran, two weeks after elevating him. They were brave enough to appoint a non Japanese as their CEO, one of a handful of Japanese companies to do so and foolish enough to sack him immediately. His crime - he didn't listen to the Chairman Kikukawa san and started probing into the financial skulduggery that seems to have gone on.

The skulduggery relates to the acquisition of Gyrus, made in 2008. The acquisition was for $2 bn. Olympus then made payments for advisory fees of $687 m to two virtually unknown firms. Nobody can trace who the owners of these two companies are. One of them, registered in the Cayman islands has since disappeared off the registry 3 months after receiving the last payment from Olympus. These payments were not disclosed to shareholders - instead they were hidden in goodwill by adding to the acquisition price. Now, who on earth pays advisers fees of $687 million for a $2 bn acquisition ?? Not even Wall Street is that greedy.

KPMG, their auditors disagreed with all this accounting wizardy and were promptly sacked for their endeavours.

Woodford started to enquire into this and was told to shut up and look elsewhere. His crime was that he did not listen.

Woodford was summoned to a Board meeting were he was told to zip his mouth and not speak. The solemn directors then proceeded to fire him. The function of the board, alas all too often in Japan, is to bow one inch lower than the Chairman. So much for corporate governance.

The rigidity of hierarchy in Japanese corporate life survives to this day, Grovel and obey without question. I am still amazed how they managed innovation with that culture. I am sometimes inclined to credit some divine providence for all the wonderful innovation in product and quality systems that came out of Japan. How else can you explain that coming out of a Stalinist corporate culture.

The only lot who are thoroughly unimpressed by all this is the Japanese investor. He has cheerily driven down Olympus' share price by 24%. Kikukawa san and his deputy Mori san may still have to fall on their sword soon.

I'll Never Do It Again

2011-10-16T08:53:00.002+05:30

Does INDIA stand for I'll Never Do It Again ?? I cringed and held my head in shame as I listened to this podcast - this series is one of my personal favourites and represents some of the best of the BBC. It ends with a quote from a guy who did something Indians were very proud about - run the opening ceremony of the Commonwealth Games . But he says, "I'll be very happy to ignore India. There are plenty of other places where they pay their bills ". Listen to the podcast if you can - it is only some 5 minutes or so.

Is India one of the most difficult places in the world to do business ? In a recent World Bank survey, India came in at a staggering 134th out of 183 countries in the ranking of the places easiest to do business in. It is easy to dismiss such rankings, as indeed the podcast, as biased and taken out of context. For after all, doesn't India have a vibrant and surging economy. Surely it can't be a bad place to do business and still be growing like it is. Alas the sad fact is that it is growing like it is despite the fact that it is one of the difficult places to do business in.

Take the instance of the Commonwealth Games contractors which is the subject mater of the above podcast. There has been allegations of corruption over the Games. So what do we do - jail the head of the organising committee without a trial and stop all payments to all contractors associated with the games. And let this meander along for years. It is appalling conduct. Every contractor is not corrupt. Just freezing all payments is no different from piracy. And we are supposed to be a country where there is rule of law. Try taking the government to court. You may get a judgement after you are dead. India ranks second last in the list of countries where you can enforce a contract - bested only by East Timor.

For a start, we have to abolish the Indian Standard Time. Every decision cannot take years. Government cannot take years to allow an investment or set a policy. Courts cannot grant a stay for years to some aggrieved party. They cannot take years to enforce a contract. Contractors cannot take years to finish a job. We cannot accept being late in completing anything as a national characteristic.

Unfortunately, given the spate of corruption scandals that have infected the country, all decision making has come to a standstill. Nobody is deciding anything for fear of being labelled as corrupt . You see, you cannot be accused of corruption if you never decide anything. There are no penalties for absolute inaction.

This is an awful state of affairs crying out for leadership, with a capital L. A leader who can stand tall and do the right thing.A leader with a clean conscience, who can motor ahead and act without fear. Being terrified and standing still is downright cowardice. But alas, such a leader is not visible even on the distant horizon.

I cringe and cringe when I see "I'll Never Do it Again" as an acronym for India. But I am afraid, there is an element of truth in it.

The curious case of Ben & Jerry's

2011-10-14T07:47:00.002+05:30

Do you like Ben & Jerry's ice cream? Most probably a resounding yes. But this post is not about its ice cream. Its about what it has done on Tuesday.

What it did on Tuesday was to go to New York's Zuccotti Park where the Occupy Wall Street protesters are camped and dole out free ice cream to all of them. Nothing spectacular about that, except that it went on to publicly declare its support for the protesters. It also published a statement from its Board of Directors that the company has the deepest admiration for the protesters and is standing with them. You can read what the Board said here.

Ben & Jerry's has long been a left leaning company promoting a variety of causes. Its founders Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield started the company with a clear social and sometimes political agenda. So should this latest action be surprising. Yes, because, Ben & Jerry's is no longer an independent company. It's a subsidiary of Unilever, a global multinational company, perhaps the very sort that the Occupy Wall Street protesters are agitated against (that is, if somebody can decipher what exactly they are protesting about).

Was Unilever ambushed by the act of Ben & Jerry's ? Tough to believe so - for the Board of Ben & Jerry's has Unilever representatives, including an ex Director of Unilever itself. Unilever has issued a statement that it is neutral to social campaigns and has no comment to make, but that is a blithe remark considering that its subsidiary is indeed making a very loud statement.

How far do you let your subsidiary act on its own ? Usually subsidairies are simply legal shells and the parent runs them as one corporate whole, unless there are external shareholders. But Ben & Jerry's is different. Perhaps because of its historical brand image. Perhaps because of covenants agreed with the founders at the time of acquisition to allow the company to have a social agenda. But still, the latest action seems a step too far. I won't be surprised if the upstart is reined in.

What of the protestors ? They are objecting to evil corporations; right ? Do they want the support of one ? Some of them expressed mixed feelings. They said they were uneasy about corporations muscling in on their patch. But they also said, they could not turn down a free ice cream !

Very curious.

Improve your gluteus maximus

2011-10-02T10:59:00.002+05:30

Do you wish to improve your gluteus maximus muscle. If so , please buy Reebok Easy Tone shoes. Alas, you should have done it before Sep 30. Because on that date, the Federal Trade Commission poured cold water on gluteus maximus fans by ruling that the shoes didn't do much for that famous muscle.

If you are flummoxed by the Latin, don't run away. The rest of this post is in plain English. Reebok has been advertising for two years that Easy Tone shoes helped you get a firmer butt. Apparently this was endorsed by no less a person than Kim Kardashian, who is reputed to be having that redeeming virtue. I wouldn't have known who this worthy was, until she got married to Kris Humphries, a NBA wannabe, who I certainly know about. Kris could have confirmed or denied the anatomical virtue of the said lady, but he has so far chosen to remain silent, so we shall let that pass.

Reebok has reached a $25m settlement with the FTC for misleading advertising, which Reebok has decided to pay without admitting any guilt. Presumably the ladies in the FTC did not manage to firm up their butts despite wearing Easy Tone, but the ladies in Reebok did. No evidence has been presented to attest to either claim.

I would have thought that any connection between a running shoe and a shapely butt, could be tenuous at best, and that there might be far more important factors that determine the contours of your posterior. But then , it appears that a lot of women bought the idea that they could wolf down five Big Macs, wash it down with 4 cans of Coke and still be tops in the butt department by wearing Easy Tone. Now they will reportedly be compensated by Reebok for having been misled.

What intrigued me by this story, was that Harbans Kaur in Delhi has also been captivated by this Western phenomenon of obsession with butts. Apparently Easy Tone shoes were being sold in the Connaught Place outlet of Reebok in Delhi and some 80 women have bought these shoes at some Rs 5000 a piece. Now, anybody with knowledge of India, would readily agree that firmness is a minor quality compared with massiveness. Athleticism is not a redeeming virtue in Harbans Kaur's eyes and a ponderous gait is more common than a sprightly step. So Reebok's success of selling a massive two pairs of Easy Tones a day in Connaught Place is surprising indeed. Alas, the 80 worthy ladies have no recourse as yet with Reebok. The FTC ruling was only for the US. That eminent organisation has presumably decided that Easy Tone shoes did nothing for American butts but were perfectly acceptable for non American ones.

Kim Kardashian's Indian equivalent, I have learnt, is one Shazahn Padamsee, whose claim to fame I believe is that she acted in Dil to Bachcha Hai Ji. Needless to say, I am equally clueless about her as I am with her American counterpart. To feature in the Easy Tone campaign, Ms Padamsee must also be blessed with an extremely strong gluteus maximus. Perhaps some reader can comment on the truth, or otherwise, of this.

You have to give the last word to Harbans Kaur. One member of this clan apparently said "I use it daily for morning walk. I don't have much idea as to whether it has led to toning or not but it is very comfortable to wear."

Nobody can accuse Madam Kaur of lack of common sense.

Goodbye Pat

2011-09-25T09:38:00.000+05:30

It was the fag end of the career. 1975 was the year. It was the fourth test. Chepauk on Pongal day. Clive Lloyd has just begun the journey of taking the West Indies to world beater status for more than a decade. Vivian Richards and Gordon Greenidge made their debuts in that series. Andy Roberts had exploded on to the scene and was the start of a whole generation of fast bowlers the likes of which the game had never seen.

West Indies had won the first two tests convincingly. Those days, India was not really a world force. India had turned to the Nawab to lead them , once again in that series, for only he could knit a fractious Indian team into something resembling a national side. And how he did. In a game where Andy Roberts was virtually unplayable, where Vishwanath stood alone for his 97, one of the greatest Test innings of all time and where Prasanna, Bedi and Chandra conjured to take India to a famous win. The Nawab was the captain who made it all happen.

Mansur Ali Khan, the Nawab of Pataudi was a man born to lead. He was a prince after all - the real article. One of the most handsome men of India, he was unfortunate to lose an eye in a car accident. To play cricket at the topmost level with one eye is an almost unthinkable feat. A whole generation of boys grew up wanting to look like him, walk like him and mimic his open eyed stance which he adopted because he could see with only one eye. The first true cricketer hero of India.

Cricket was still an aristocratic game those days. But just about. He was the last of royalty who played the game - Ranjitsinghji, Duleepsinghji, Maharajkumar of Vizianagaram, his own father Pataudi Sr ,had all graced the turf before him. He carried a princely air about him, that only comes from being born a prince. Nobody would dream of doing a practical joke on him and everybody called him sir, even in the dressing room. There wasn't a sight better than when he led the team out, he with the royal walk and the team following a respectful ten paces back.

Easily the most desirable bachelor in the land, it was but natural that he married the most beautiful lady of that time. The first truly celebrity couple. He one of the finest cricketers and she one of the best actresses in Bollywood. Mansur Ali Khan and Sharmila Tagore were simply the most glamorous couple in the country. Their children chose to follow their mother into the silver screen - Saif Ali Khan is one of the top actors on the screen. Alas there won't be another Pataudi walking out to lead India again.

The abiding memory of Pat would be the Indian team that he built. Gavaskar at No 1. Vishwanath at No 4. Solkar inventing the forward short leg position where he held some incredible catches. Prasanna, Bedi, Chandra and Venkat weaving their magic of spin on bewildered opponents. And Pat himself patrolling he covers where he swooped on the ball like no one else could - hence the nickname of Tiger. And captaining the team with the raising of an eyebrow. What a world that was.

Farewell Mansur Ali Khan, the Nawab of Pataudi. The Nawab is dead; Long live the Nawab, we should say. But where is the new Nawab to hail?

Mansur Ali Khan died on September 22nd, at the age of 70.

The hazards of flying

2011-09-18T14:14:00.001+05:30

Even if you didn't suffer from aerophobia, there are some non trivial hazards of flying. Missing baggage for example. Or delayed or cancelled flights leaving you stranded in some god forsaken land. Some even allege deep vein thrombosis. Insomnia due to your neighbour's high affliction of stertor could be another. But even the most wildly imaginative sort could not have thought of adding "going to the loo" in that list. But it is now conclusively established that this is a real hazard. Consider the evidence.

Last Sunday Frontier Airlines flight 623 from Denver to Detroit was escorted by F16 fighter jets. Why ?? Apparently two men and a women were seated in a three seater. One guy got up to go to the loo. The other guy stood up. And the guy spent a "long time" there. That was it. F16s escorted the plane and on landing the three were handcuffed and led off to be questioned. The poor lady did nothing. She was simply sitting and yet was considered suspicious because she sat next to a guy who went to the loo. The wonderfully investigative press even reported that there was a "mile high club" membership application going on in the loo ! We'll let it pass that even a cursory familiarity with an aeroplane loo would convince anybody that such an act is an anatomical impossibility.

American Airlines flight 34 from Los Angeles to JFK was equally bizarre. The F16s were up again. This time, three men were suspected because they were making "frequent trips" to the loo. Apparently there is some standard as to the number of times you can go. For their "crimes" the three were handcuffed and led away.

What about Ryanair's proposals, which thankfully did not materialise, of charging passengers for the pleasure of a visit to the loo midair. Perhaps they might have stuck a notice on the door, not unlike the statutory warning on cigarette packs - "Entering this door would be seriously injurious to your wealth". Ryanair's profit improvement plans didn't stop there. They evaluated removing two out of the three loos on their plane because they could then add six seats, thereby providing an accurate valuation of the service they are providing in giving you a pleasure of a visit.

All Nippon Airlines tried another tack. They claimed that they were green because they encouraged passenger to lighten themselves prior to boarding the plane. Lighter weights meant less fuel burnt ; so the airline was being very environmentally conscious. Pretty ground crew were on hand just before the boarding gate. Hello; Welcome to ANA Flight blah blah blah. The loo is that way ma'am; if you could make a visit, you will contribute to reducing global warming on our planet. Thank You. Before boarding, please provide proof of your visit !

And, of course, there is poor Gerard Depardieu, the famous, or should I say infamous, French actor. He had many a glass of wine, as any sensible Frenchman would do, before boarding the plane from Paris to Dublin. And as the plane was about to start, he simply had to deal with the consequences of all that drinking. But no; the stew wouldn't let him get up until the plane was airborne, seat belt signs were off, etc etc - a good 15mts away. What could the guy do. He took the only option - he simply let go. Another instance of the police coming and escorting a passenger out. City Jet, the airline, then rubbed salt into the wounds by tweeting "As you may have seen on the news, we are busy mopping the floor of one of our planes this morning". Another tweet - " We'd also like to remind all passengers that our planes are fully equipped with toilet facilities."

You better be careful, the next time you fly, OK ? There is a new flying hazard.

Oh no; Not again

2011-09-16T07:42:00.000+05:30

Yet another rogue trader has emerged. This morning is ablaze with the news that UBS (a Swiss bank) could have lost some $2bn on account of the actions of one trader - Kweku Adoboli at its London office. Adoboli has been arrested last night and the details are only slowly emerging. Nothing is proven as yet , but Adoboli might very well join his illustrious predecessors - Nick Leeson of Barings, Jerome Kerviel of Societe Generale, et al in the hall of Notoriety.

Apparently the losses stemmed from the trader placing bets, using the banks'own money on something called Delta One - trading in financial instruments linked to exchange traded funds. To lose $2bn, the trader must have been trading staggering sums of money. Clearly UBS has egg on its face. Quite apart from the massive loss, questions will be asked about risk management in the bank. How could they let such a big loss build up.

The question to be asked is what on earth banks are doing even indulging in such activities. They are cloaked under the respectable heading of "investment banking", but this is nothing other than pure gambling. Is this what banks should be doing - gambling in esoteric instruments that nobody else would even understand ? Banks think that they can build big risk management systems, but the truth is that traders are incredibly bright and frighteningly sharp and they will find a way to beat the best of control systems. After all, traders often hold their managers and risk departments in utter contempt and consider it almost a rite of passage to hoodwink them.

The fig leaf that this is all somehow a very respectable activity couched in terminology such as risk management, investment diversification, hedging, providing liquidity and such other gobbledygook must be once and for all removed. Banks, if they wish to indulge in such activities, should label these departments as "Pure unadulterated gambling department", "Better than a Las Vegas casino department", "" The Wild Wild West", "Punters Inc", "Rogues' Lounge" , etc etc.

Plain English helps. Free drinks served by scantily clad waitresses roaming up and down the aisle is optional.

And bankers wonder why they are unloved by the public.

The mystery called consumer

2011-09-14T08:02:00.002+05:30

Of all the great mysteries of the universe, none is more confounding than that of consumer behaviour. You would have thought that it shouldn't be an unfathomable mystery - after all you and I are consumers too. But no. It is inarguably established that you can even hope to nail down the Higgs boson, but cannot begin to understand this mysterious creature called the consumer.

Take the example of the Missoni collection and the outage at Target yesterday. Missoni is an outrageously priced design house - designing everything from clothes to patio sets each costing hundreds or thousands of dollars. I cannot imagine why anybody should pay thousands of dollars for something that is essentially similar and available for $49.99, but we shall pass over that lightly. Target is a discount store in the US.

At first glance, its not sure what the two have in common - you would have expected that one would wrinkle its nose at the other and the other should be showing its finger at the worthy. But hey presto, the two decided that they would collaborate and launch a limited edition Missoni for Target range. This was on the theme of "zig zag" - apparently zig zag lines on your dress is high fashion. Instead of of hundreds of dollars, you could could get it for $39.99.

Target has been swamped. Its web site crashed. The demand for items was higher than on the day after Thanksgiving or Black Friday; days when Americans go bonkers shopping. Everybody , it seems, wants to buy. Social media is inflamed. That doyen of intelligent media, Twitter, is ablaze. Many criticised Target for not anticipating demand. Many others moaned and groaned. Some boasted that they could get in during the few minutes that the site was up . Some others tweeted that they would get Missoni supported unlocked iPhones. As this post was written, the Target site is still down.

I would have bet before yesterday that

Nobody in the US had heard of Missoni
It didn't matter one bit whether the lines on your skirt were straight or zig zag , or for that matter, non existent

I would have, of course, lost the bet. I was dead wrong.

Ah the mysteries of that incredibly species called consumer !

PS- Regular readers of this blog might have noticed that this blogger is rather advancing from the status of "Sartorius Ignoramus" :)

With heads bowed

2011-09-11T17:27:00.002+05:30

Today is a day for reflection and remembrance. Anything else would be inappropriate.

Recommend browsing through today's special report in The New York Times titled The Reckoning.

Perhaps the epitaph found on the graves of many who fell in the First World War might be equally befitting.

"Their names live forever more".

Who or what is a Doofus ?

2011-09-09T08:18:00.001+05:30

I freely admit to not having a clue about what a "doofus" was, until today, if you will pardon the pun. For, apparently, a doofus is a guy who doesn't have a clue. My vocabulary has since improved by one, thanks to Carol Bartz, the ousted CEO of Yahoo who called her Board which ousted her, a bunch of doofuses.

Everything about the Yahoo saga stinks. Carol Bartz was fired by her Chairman over the phone. It has brought into question again how firings are done. Not just firing a CEO, but firing any employee. Firing by phone or by email must surely rank as one of the worst blunders you can make in a company. Topped only by having a security guard present and showing the employee to the door. Employees deserve to be told in person that they are fired and also told the reason why they are fired. The reason may have nothing to do with their performance - we are making losses and have to cut costs and you got the short end of the straw, is perfectly acceptable if that is the honest truth. If the employee is surprised that he or she is being fired, then clearly the boss hasn't done his job. Firings are rarely required overnight. You can see it coming and its the boss's job to be open and forthright in communication with the employee. The Board of Yahoo displayed appalling behaviour in firing Carol Bartz over the phone.

Carol hasn't covered herself with glory either. In her now famous mail to employees, she wrote "I am very sad to tell you that I’ve just been fired over the phone by Yahoo’s Chairman of the Board". She then proceeded to give an interview to Fortune where she has contributed to the increase in the vocabulary of bloggers like me. She also apparently said that " they f---ed me over". She is going to collect a $10m severance pay but she may have put that in jeopardy because the severance agreement has the usual non disparagement clause (you don't throw garbage at the company, in lay man terms)

Then a pompous know it all (correction - rich pompous know it all) called Daniel Loeb who runs a hedge fund and has taken a stake in Yahoo writes a public letter asking for the Chairman of the Board to go and then naming a few directors who in his opinion have to go too.

Excellent. With such worthy managers, Board and investors, what chance do the employees of Yahoo have. I am a regular user of Yahoo and its quite good at some of the things it does. But what a mess. Which sensible guy will now be willing to be the CEO. Probably only a guy who has some familiarity with doofusism !

The wonders of public opinion

2011-09-04T09:47:00.001+05:30

Public opinion is often a cause of much entertainment. Public opinion, that is, as reflected in the comments section of a famous website. Let us say , for example, Reuters reporting a fairly innocuous news item as follows. You would have thought that there isn't much to comment about it. You would be wrong. Read on for this imaginary post and comments.

Cuba withdraws ambassador from Libya

Cuba has announced that it was withdrawing its diplomatic mission in Libya, reiterating that it does not recognise Libya's Transitional National Council.

Comments (325)

Amyfalldown - First!

humanist7117 - Gaddafi is a thug. He is in cohorts with Fidel Castro. He has run away to Libya

Nitinooroo - Мы работаем напрямую с импортерами парфюмерии в Россию, минуя перекупщиков. Это является гарантией реализации без наценок и каких-либо процентов. [url=http://www.voado.ru/optom/]Лицензионная парфюмерия производства ОАЭ[/url] – это имитация оригинальной селективной парфюмерии и духов.Настоящая лицензионная парфюмерия имеет хорошее

RobertBrewsterJr1 - IMPERIALIST THUGS ARE DESTROYING THE WORLD. OBAMA IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS. STOP GOVERNMENT SPENDING. THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO BRING SANITY TO THE COUNTRY. LEFT WING LIBERALS ARE TAKING OVER THE WORLD. VOTE FOR MICHELLE BACHMANN

nicebrunido - %$#*%$ iPhones at half price. Visit ripyouoff.com today! #(#$@

elitaren - f*****g Gaddafi. b****** Castro. I don't give a s***

goodguy - MMS is corrupt. Sonia is corrupt. Narendra Modi for PM

jidaspeak - @goodguy - you are a moron. RSS stooge. Go die somewhere

goodguy - @jidaspeak - You Porki. Go back to your mulla country and drown in blood

revengeofbutthead - wtf ?

Nihaonyan - This comment has been deleted by the moderator

oldman - The Libyan Transitional Council is a loose combination of different interest groups. So far the only glue holding them together was their common hatred and fear of Gaddafi. Now that Gadaffi has gone it remains to be seen whether they can form a sensible government. Uncertain times ahead for Libya

lespaulrentals - @oldman - Who asked you ?

AnImmortalLove - Thumbs Up if you typed Viagra and landed on this site.

Padmanvasanth - GOOD STEP HAPPENED...

NOW THEY ADMIRE THAT THEIR WELTH IS THIS MUCH ONLY...

SO IT IS CLEAR THAT - OVER AND ABOVE THIS IS BLACK MONEY...

AND THEY MOST RETURN IT TO INtIA

LET US BRING BUCK ALL OUR HERD EARNED MONEY...

itshuyzz - People listen to me. Its all the fault of multinationals. Gaddafi was a stooge of Exxon, BP and the multinational oil companies. When he was no more useful, they have deposed him. Its all the fault of the evil oil companies.

Is this what public opinion has descended to ??

I am eternally thankful that readers who comment here are a million miles away from this lot. Truly salute those who take the time to make such informed and wise comments in this blog.

PS - This post was inspired by this article in the WSJ.

Can the world still feed itself ?

2011-09-03T08:50:00.000+05:30

When Peter Brabeck-Letmathe speaks, you listen. He is the highly respected Chairman of Nestle. In his weekend interview with The Wall Street Journal published here, he speaks of the increasing danger of food insecurity in the world.

Food prices shooting up, the world over, is a serious cause of concern. This blogger has moaned about it here , here and here . The traditional activist response is to bleat about the evils of globalisation. But here is a world leader giving a simple way forward for what should be done.

His prescription is three fold and simple

- Stop using land for growing corn for biofuel

- Do not maniacally oppose technology in food cultivation, especially genetically modified crops

- Let the market price water for industrial use

I had no idea that this year American farmers would harvest more corn for fuel rather than for feed. This is the outcome of a subsidy policy that has encouraged bio fuel use to get away from the human addiction to petroleum. But look at the consequence for food - a perfect example of how policy in one sector can have serious consequences in another. Single issue activists please note - policy making is complex and interwoven and you can often cause more harm than good by manic obsession with a single issue. If you balance food prices with reducing petroleum dependence, it is not an easy choice. But as Brabeck-Letmather says, we should consider using land only to grow food.

The almost religious opposition to genetically modified crops is , in my view, absurd. We have been genetically modifying crops for virtually of all of human existence. It is called plant breeding. Wheat, Rice, etc as we now it, are all genetically modified. It appears that it is OK to genetically modify slowly, but not OK to modify quickly. World over, there are already laws to look after food safety and there are laws for labelling food containing genetically modified cops. So if you oppose it, that is certainly your right and you are free not to consume it. But to insist that nobody else should do so is unacceptable in my view. Again there is a policy choice. Between letting food prices go so high that some people starve or suffer malnutrition and being scared about the gap between reasonable surety and absolute surety on the safety of such crops. That whole argument has been hijacked by ranting against multinationals, globalisation etc, which is another story and beyond the purview of this post.

The third remedy is interesting. Apparently only 1.5% of the world's fresh water consumption is for personal use - washing, bathing, etc, The rest is for agricultural use or industrial use. Brabeck-Letmathe's solution is stunningly simple. Keep water for personal use free. But let the market price water for industrial or agricultural use. That will ensure that water 9100 litres of water are not used to make 1 litre of bio diesel.

A superb interview which I would strongly recommend for anybody interested in food security for the world.

How to look ridiculous

2011-08-28T11:05:00.001+05:30

This blogger freely admits to being severely sartorially challenged. The words fashion, smartly dressed, even, nice shirt, are outside his lexicon. It is therefore entirely appropriate that a learned treatise on the recently concluded Lakme Fashion Week features as this Sunday post. For those unacquainted with this earth shattering event, it is the premier event in India where impossibly thin human beings (mostly female) walk with a funny walk, looking like having descended from outer space and get ogled at by a horde of notebook clutching "experts".

This is India. This blogger has eloquently expressed his opinion on the clothing tendencies of the Indian female here. Now, compare that with the presumably "hot" outfits on full display at the aforementioned fashion event.

Have you ever seen anybody dressed like this ?

Or like this ?

Can you imagine Rajalakshmi like this

Or even like this ?

Alas, this is no longer a feminine preserve. There seem to be metrosexuals who want to look like this

Not even for fun can I picture Gils like this

Or Zeno like this

I mean, who wears such stuff ?? Have you seen a single human being attired like this ? OK OK - I don't frequent the crowd that features on Page 3 (for non Indians - Page 3 in Indian papers is not topless females; its photos of the so called party goers - apparently there are a breed who want their mug shots looking silly to feature in the papers). I am told reliably that such monstrosities may feature there.

Judging by the buhaha (word courtesy Reflections) over this event, there are presumably lots of people interested in such stuff. Corporate sponsors fall over themselves to be seen there. Now corporate sponsors are not exactly known for their wisdom when it comes to throwing away somebody else's money. So everybody has a ball - the slightly weird lot who make this stuff, the anorexia addicted lot who wear this and walk that funny walk and the notebook clutching lot, who love a free drink and like to think that their opinion matters.

Well, to each his own. However, chances are that most people, if they see an apparition like this .......

.... are likely to run a few miles.

Tepid Beer

2011-08-24T17:32:00.000+05:30

Here is an example of how corruption starts. Anti corruption sentiments are high in India these days , as any Indian reader would know. This blogger, trying to be apolitical, steers clear of any comment on the movement launched by Anna Hazare. But an instance of how a warped economic policy breeds corruption would be entirely appropriate for this blog.

The state of Andhra Pradesh is the largest beer market in India.This would not be surprising to readers with some knowledge of the state. Its is a large state with lots of people. It is also "blessed" with one of the hottest climes in the country. Naturally a cold beer would be very welcomed by many.

Unfortunately the neta babu raj is very much alive and kicking in the beer industry in Andhra Pradesh. The government decides what brands of beer you can buy, from whom and at what price. A very worthy organisation called the Andhra Pradesh Beverages Corporation Ltd exists staffed by Ramamrithams of all shapes and hues. They tender for all the beer to be sold in the state and decide how much is to be bought from each company.

Some years back United Breweries (Vijay Mallya's company) and SAB Miller (a global giant) virtually sold all of the beer in the state. A year back government policy changed stating that they would buy beer from companies in the proportion of their national market share (only a Ramamritham can think like this). This massacred SAB Miller and benefited UB hugely - ( for sake of absolute clarity let me categorically state that I am not implying that UB had any say in this decision). Recently, the policy got reversed, benefiting SAB Miller (ditto clarification regarding any influence of SAB Miller in this decision)

What is the government doing deciding whose beer you should drink. Its none of its business. Hasn't it heard of consumer preference, supply and demand, etc etc. Why is beer any different from the hundreds of products that are bought and sold daily. There is some mistaken belief that the government should protect its citizens from the harmful effects of liquor consumption (??) and that is best achieved by controlling it. Quite apart from it being nonsensical thinking, government control is the surest way to drive bootlegging underground and spark the all too frequent illicit liquor tragedy.

There is every temptation in an environment like this for normal commercial decisions to be taken on criteria other than economic. Why leave this window for corruption? The state of Andhra Pradesh has many issues confronting it. It needs to address so many problems. Production, distribution and pricing of beer is not one of them. Governments should get out of normal commercial activity. Let the market decide.

Corruption is a many headed hydra. Effective policing is one aspect of the solution and can be a good deterrent. Eliminating an environment that breeds corruption is also equally important.

Wordless Sunday

2011-08-21T17:44:00.000+05:30

Never mind chaps, let's move on

2011-08-14T07:10:00.000+05:30

The true test of character is in times of adversity. For an Indian sports fan, it has been adversity with a capital A, the past two weeks. India has suffered a heavy defeat , actually a pasting, against England. A series , that was billed as the clash between the top two teams in the world, turned out embarrassingly one sided. We can take defeat, but its rather hard to swallow being thumped.

These things happen in sport. India is not as bad a team as it appears. And England is not as good a team as it would like to believe.Nothing went right for India and everything went right for England. England were certainly the better team and deserved to win. But the crushing nature of victory was unexpected, to say the least.

It is in the natural order of things that sportsmen are defied when they win and are torn apart when they lose. The Indian team has already started to take a hiding and will no doubt be insulted with every possible epithet. Somebody's house will, no doubt, be stoned. Pundits, and there are many, will decry the mercenary attitude of the players. IPL has spoilt them. They don't care for their country anymore. The team is ageing and everybody above 30 must be sacked. Blah Blah Blah.

It's in times of adversity that character shows. Character of all the people concerned. The fan, to take it philosophically and to stand behind the team. Resist the temptation to kick the guy who has fallen, for that is all too easy. It takes character to look for flaws to patch up and further improve when you are winning handsomely. And to put an arm around the shoulder and say better luck next time, when the chips are down.

The character of the players as well. To them this has been a ruder shock, they themselves would have never expected. After all they won the World Cup just a few months ago. And these are roughly the same lot who have performed heroics after heroics for many a year. This must be the most depressing moment of all. But this is the time to let true character show. Pick yourself up by the bootstraps. There is one more test to go. At the Oval, where India has traditionally performed well. Put the past three tests behind you. You have nothing to lose now. Stand up tall and be counted. Play freely without the burden of the crushing defeat. And exit the disastrous series on a more positive note.

Its also in moments of great victory that the character of the victors are shown too. To be graceful in victory. They have won a resounding and thoroughly deserved victory. They have been on a roll in test cricket at least over the past 2 years. They are entitled to gloat. But they will stand even taller if they showed some of that noble British quality of restraint and understatement..English cricketers, and sports writers, have not exactly distinguished themselves with grace in the past. Let us see if this time it will be different.

As in cricket, so in life. If it's a moment of great victory for you, you deserve every cheer. But if it's a moment when life has dealt you a rough hand, you deserve a warm hug.

And so to the Indian team. Never mind old chaps. Let's move on. You guys are still our heroes. Tomorrow is another day.

Stop watching the stock market ticker

2011-08-09T09:07:00.000+05:30

As stock markets fell on Monday there was the predictable response from governments. Take for example the Indian Finance Minister. He says "we are prepared to address any concern that may arise on account of the present situation". He should do no such thing. Stock markets should not drive government policy.

Have you noticed that the bleating and braying is all one sided. When markets are rising, nobody wants the government within one million miles of their trying to fill their pockets as fast as possible. When markets are falling , governments should come and "help them". Nonsense. Just as stock markets fell, you see the price of gold skyrocketing. I am yet to hear anybody express concern on where that market is heading.

For that matter, why be only concerned about stock markets ? Why not debt markets. Or, as above, gold markets. Or platinum markets. Or whatever.

Governments should simply adopt the right economic policy for the long term. Of course, they have to react to economic events, but that would be in the form of reacting to say a recession or overheating. Not to stock markets falling. Stock markets, in the short term, are largely in the hands of speculators. More than 95% of transactions are speculative in nature. They perform a useful economic function - that of providing liquidity. But they need no support and certainly not an ounce of the time of the Finance Minister. If they mint money gambling, good luck to them. If they lose their shirts, well tough luck.

India is not in a bad position in the current situation. Unlike China, its not so dependant on exports and therefore the impact of a possible global recession will be lesser. India's growth will continue to be strong. The falling oil prices is a huge boon ; this can be the solution to controlling inflation, the most serious problem facing the nation today. Speculative inflows may dry up, but investment is not a problem - the country remains one of the most attractive markets in the world. The demographic dividend continues - India has a young population and not a dwindling supply of productive individuals. The Finance Minister has many things on his plate. Controlling corruption. Eliminating wastes and handouts. Restraining the burgeoning national debt. Continuing with reform and remove the current malaise of masterly inactivity. He doesn't need to watch the Sensex. When the shrill, loud, breathless "journalist" from CNBC asks him about it, the correct response should be - Sensex ? What Sensex ?

Just a chuckle

2011-08-07T17:06:00.001+05:30

This blogger suffers from an acute affliction of verbiage. Where 7 words will do, 70 are used. This Sunday, we will therefore take our cue from another, fellow afflicted , far more illustrious and important. I shall manfully strive to follow his example.

Watch this.

Watch out Bollywood

2011-08-02T12:12:00.000+05:30

Which country produces the largest number of films every year ? The answer is easy - India, some 1300 films in all. Which country is the second largest producer of films ? You might scratch your head or have guessed Hollywood. Wrong. The reality is Nigeria. Watch out Bollywood; Nollywood is all set to overtake you.

The Nigerian film industry is apparently thriving and booming. Its the film capital for all of Africa. Some 1000 films are apparently made each year. Unlike the more traditional format of movie halls, Nigerian films are mostly released on videos - there's hardly much of the theatre format in Nigeria and almost all of Africa. Each video costs some US$ 2 or so - cheap enough to be affordable and not worth counterfeiting. The distribution channel is therefore by retail stores for home viewing. No doubt, cheap video parlours would have sprung up for those unable to own a video player.

The industry is still small - Only some $250m or so. But with enormous potential. Africa is under served by entertainment. Movies are a great way to bring some cheer to people - as India has so amply demonstrated. A peculiarly African solution has emerged. A distribution system and a pricing methodology that suits the market. Videos rather than hall screenings.

India is virtually saturated by movies. I read that an astounding 3.2 bn cinema admissions happen in a year in India. That's an average viewing of 3 films per year per person. Amazing. I know that such a number is laughably low for movie buffs such as Zeno, but you must also count that there are worthies like me with a viewing habit of precisely zero. How much more can India grow - not much. Whereas in Africa, the market is still virgin.

Gils has some competition here. At this site you can read reviews of Nollywood movies. At this site you can even watch them. They seem to have a tendency to raunchiness in their titles - "Obama Babes" goes a movie title. "Ladies Gang" goes another. Before you get any ideas, these are not that sort of a movie - they seem to be more of the serials type of stuff that are inflicted on the unsuspecting public world over.

I might be even tempted to watch one of them and write a review !!!!!

Misuse of a sacred right

2011-07-31T17:59:00.000+05:30

The right to free speech is a right whose value you only appreciate when you don't have it. This blogger has experienced what it is not to have that right - where every conceivable & useful global site on the internet is blocked, where any non state controlled TV channel is simply unavailable and where the press is just plain awful. As it would be for any blogger, the right is a precious one. There is the usual saying, I don't like what you say, but I'll defend your right to say it. But is the right to free speech as absolute as it is thought to be. Should it be ?

No right is absolute. Even in America, where the First Amendment protects free speech, Jutice Holmes Jr in Schenk vs United States observed that shouting Fire falsely in a crowded theatre will not be protected by the First Amendment. In many European countries, denial of the holocaust is not permitted. Recently incitement to religious hatred has also been brought under the ambit of no nos. In India, writings which are seen as offensive to any community and are likely to cause violence are banned.

In the United States, by and large anything goes. And the right is jealously protected, as it should be. In the good old days, you could stand on a soap box and rant for all you want. Or you could find your way into a newspaper. Your audience was limited. But today, any person has an instantaneous global audience. In such a world, does anything go ? Should anything go ?

What about the extremism heard on radio and read in books in the US and the often thinly veiled incitement to violence. What about some notorious imams, who use the precher's pulpit in many parts of the world to declare jihad. What about the deliberate provocation by crazy outfits like the Shiv Sena in India who threaten violence against anybody it doesn't like ? Should their rights of free speech be curtailed.

I ask this, because I saw a video of the sort of right wing extremism that seems to be on the increase in the US. Watch this video (its 20 odd minutes long, but its highly disturbing, to say the least) - my attention to this video was drawn by the blog The Peking Duck. Some deranged idiot takes a leaf out of such rantings and goes and causes serious damage - its not OK to say that it was purely the madman's fault. Something like this has indeed happened in that awful incident in Norway. That crazy seems to have been inspired, amongst other things, by extremist bloggers such as Pam Geller.

We want to wage war against the madrassas that preach hatred and violence. I am not sure that the talk radio extremists are not dangerously close to treading on similar territory.

The right to free speech is a sacred right. It should not be misused. When it is misused, the remedy is not a government action curtailing the right. But equally, society cannot stand by and watch the right misused. Societies world over have a moral duty to tame the extremism that seems to be increasing in the media. We should not sit quietly and allow our precious right to be misused by a few. Remember, words do kill.

Who is Deven Sharma ?

2011-07-30T10:56:00.000+05:30

If I told you that the most important person in the world now is Deven Sharma, you are most likely to be flabbergasted. Deven who ?? I am absolutely certain that not one reader of this blog has heard of him before. In fact I am sheepishly admitting that I had not heard of him either, one week ago. And yet for the next one week, he may actually be the most important man in the world.

Of course, this is hyperbole. But then what is journalism (ha ha) without some excessive exaggeration of reality. You can debate about the "most important man in the world" bit, but the actions of him and his organisation are certain to affect the world very profoundly in the week to come.

Deven Sharma is the President of Standard & Poor's one of the world's three premier credit rating agencies - Moody's and Fitch being the two other. In a short while, all the three agencies have to take a call on downgrading of America's Tripe A rating.

The drama in America on the debt ceiling goes on. This weekend, it has to come to a climax. There is still a real possibility that the debt ceiling will not be raised, which means that come Tuesday, America will be in crisis, as will the rest of the world. This must be the outcome the three credit rating agencies must be secretly hoping for , as it makes their decision easy and non controversial - an immediate downgrading of America's debt. But the greater (barely) possibility still is that some highly sub optimal deal is struck and the ceiling raised. At which point the rating agencies have a problem on their hands. They need to decide.

The grapevine is that Moody's and Fitch are likely to preserve America's triple A rating. But S&P is tending more towards a downgrade. Deven Sharma and his team then have an important decision to make. If they downgrade, that symbolic act will probably be the last straw on the camel's back and financial mayhem is likely to follow.

The rest of the world has already downgraded America's debt in their minds. But everybody is waiting for that last straw before they can stampede. Something symbolic that will then trigger a chain of events that will be felt throughout the world.

How has it come about that a hitherto unknown Indian American holds the key to what might happen to the world very shortly. OK may be "just a little" exaggeration, but I am afraid, not far from reality.

The succession at Deutsche Bank

2011-07-25T19:39:00.000+05:30

Does nationality still play a major part in deciding who should become the Chairman or Chief Executive of the company. It shouldn't, right? But of course it does. Except, to its eternal credit, in the United States of America. A country pretty much devoted to meritocracy and where, by and large, only merit counts. It doesn't matter where you are from or whether you are white or black or yellow or grey or blue. Perhaps to a large extent in the United Kingdom as well. But that's it. Everywhere else, it seems only a local can be a boss.

Consider the succession saga at the mighty Deutsche Bank in Germany. The current CEO, Josef Ackermann is expected to be kicked upstairs to the Supervisory Board. A new CEO is to be appointed. There is general consensus that the best candidate is Anshuman Jain. The problem is that he is Indian, not German. And to add insult to injury, he reportedly does not speak much German either.

This apparently won't do as the boss of Deutsche Bank will have to have "close contact with Germany's political and business elite" whatever that means. Yes we know what it means. Cosying up to the power lobbies and doing backroom deals. Is that how business really ought to be run ??

Yes, I know Deutsche Bank is very German and very special to Germany. But it might have esaped attention that the bank is now a truly global bank. It has some 100,000 employees and operates in 70+ countries. Its listed in Frankfurt and New York. For such a bank, the best man ought to lead it. The best man means the man who will run the bank the best and maximise the returns to its shareholders. Not the man who can wink wink, nod nod with politicians.

Of course, that's Utopian thinking. On Tuesday, the bank is most likely to announce co CEOs - with Anshu Jain running the bank and Juergen Fitschen presumably maintaining the "close contact". Nice compromise and life goes on. And this is exactly the sort of a thing what would happen in France or Japan or China or India.

Now do we understand why Amercian business is where it is. The Chairman of Coca Cola was born in Turkey. The Chairman of Pepsico was born in India. The Chairman of Colgate Palmolive is British. The CEO of Citigroup was born in India. The CEO of Alcoa is German. Senior and middle management in US companies is like the United Nations.

Meritocracy is not just the best policy. It should be the only policy.

Waltzing Matilda

2011-07-24T21:50:00.003+05:30

It's an Australian winning the Tour de France for the first time ever. Just got off the telly watching the final stage of one of the most gripping of races for many a year. On a bright sunny day in Paris, against the wonderful backdrop of the Champs-Élysées, the sight of Cadel Evans winning the Tour de France was a moment to savour.

Apologies to the readers who are not sports fans, for the second consecutive sporting post. But this was a special race and a special result that I simply can't resist posting about. The Tour de France is the world's premier cycling race. Has been so for 100 years. It is run over 3400 kms and in 22 days. One of the greatest endurance events in the world. On flat stages, cyclists clock average speeds of 50 kmph. Steep climbs have to be negotiated and on the descent, crazy speeds of 90 kmph are reached. The majesty of the towering mountains of the Alps and the Pyrenees provide the backdrop. As does the beautiful French countryside. And some gripping sporting action.

Alas, for the last few years, cycling as a sport has been hit by massive doping. Almost every rider seemed to be doping and many a big name got caught and banned. The sport seemed virtually doomed. But this year, the Tour de France was almost dope free - only one rider got thrown out. Speeds came down and it was an open open race. Any one of 6 or 7 could have won it , virtually until the penultimate day. Extremely competitive it was and every day had a plot with the outcome not certain till Saturday's penultimate stage. Stirring stuff.

The sport seems to be dominated by Europeans. A few Latin Americans are seen. No African or Asian even rides the race. The Amercians have a peculiar situation - not many ride the race, but two great winners in the past - Greg LeMond, and the sainted Lance Armstrong, have been peerless and flown the flag for America. But the Spaniards, the Belgians, the French, the Italians, the Germans and the Dutch are seen all over the race.

But today , it was a day for Australia. Cadel Evans, almost the only Australian cyclist of note, won the Tour at last. He had finished second twice before. He is 34 and old in the sport. His time seemed to have past. But not this time. He was very brave in Alps and his performance on Thursday and Friday was majestic. But he still wasn't in the lead going into Saturday's time trial. How he blew them away and won it with a supreme effort, will be the story of this year's Tour.

Australia may not go mad tonight, but overjoyed it surely will be. Its a great sporting nation, full of heroes. But even in that elite company, the achievement of Cadel Evans is something special. Australia is not a powerhouse in this sport and by sheer grit and dedication, and after so many disappointments, Cadel stands on top of the world on one of sport's greatest theaters.

Can I hear the strains of Waltzing Matilda in the background ?

Go ladies, Go

2011-07-17T08:48:00.001+05:30

If you are a sport's fan , you are somewhat spoilt for choice today. If you fancy sublime South American football, the Copa America is on in Argentina. The final day of the British Open golf, with all the hype surrounding the next Tiger Woods - Rory McIlroy may be your choice. Or the majestic Tour de France, the world's premier cycling event, thankfully free of any doping scandal so far. But my pick of the day is none of this.

You may be forgiven for not realising that the World Cup football final is on today. Yes, right. World Cup Football. Rub your eyes again. Yes. Its the Women's World Cup football final.

Before you groan and switch off, just consider the fact that the Women's World Cup has produced more drama, excitement, heartbreak, and joy than the boring Copa America going on at the same time featuring the likes of Lionel Messi.

Women's football is something of an anachronism. If you have watched a women's game, it is played at roughly half the pace of men's football. In no other sport is the gap between men and women so obvious. Other sports try to make women wear short skirts to attract viewers (shame on you, badminton). Women in football wear the same awful shorts that the men wear. They aren't good looking - there are no Maria Sharapovas in footballs. So why should you get all jumped up about a sport where "there is nothing to see".

Here's why. The referee hardly blows her whistle in a women's football game. The game flows. There are no crunching fouls, no head butts, no cynical theatrical posturing. There is plenty of skill, even if the game is at half the pace. They play as a team - there are no huge heroes although Marta of Brazil has a cult status similar to her more illustrious male counterparts. And therein lies the beauty of sport. Its not just the sheer standard or professionalism that matters. Its the joy and excitement it can bring, even if the standard is just club level.

The World Cup has had its many moments of drama. Germany was hoping to win for the third consecutive time and that too on home soil - but they were beaten in a gripping classic in extra time. Brazil, a perennial favourite was beaten on a penalty shootout in the semis in another nail biting encounter. And two wonderful teams have made it to the finals today. The United States, a powerhouse in the game, but not doing very well recently, made it against the odds with grit and determination. In a land where sport is at a sorry state with the lockouts of the NBA and the NFL, the ladies have brought great cheer. And what of the other finalist ? Nobody gave them a hope. After every game, they hold a banner "To our friends around the world, thank you for your support". Post the recent tragedies in their country, there was always going to be public support, but even after they dumped Germany in that historic game, they are being supported by Germans - such is their charm.

TV ratings are through the roof. Germans, the most masculine of nations, and probably the only country where the natives call it the Fatherland instead of Motherland has embraced the World Cup totally. TV ratings in the US have zoomed with a public charmed by the story of ordinary athletes, not multimillionaires, achieving glory. But in the land of the rising sun, nobody even knew there was a tournament going on when it started. But, with each win, the momentum has snowballed. The vagaries of time zones means that the final starts at 3.45 AM Japanese time. You can bet there would be many up and cheering the Nadeshiko with bleary eyes.

Its Japan vs the United States tonight. Its Christie Rampone vs Homare Sawa. For once, I can't bear to see either team losing.

What will happen after the world ends on Aug 2

2011-07-15T09:51:00.000+05:30

The end of the world is near. On Aug 2 to be precise. Repent and thou shall be saved.

Every year, some nutter prophecies the end of the world on some artificial date and his followers prepare for Armageddon. Come the day and nothing happens. We live on till the next prophecy. Is this what is going to happen on August 2nd, the latest doomsday deadline ?

Somewhere on August 1st or so, America will reach its legally approved debt ceiling of $ 14.3 trillion. Ninety times in the past, this ceiling has been raised by the US Congress and the Senate and life goes on. This time however, there is a real possibility that it may not be raised. Hence the doomsday.

Do I see you yawning ? Surely some technicality of American debt ceiling cannot affect you and me. Who cares ? Unfortunately you should. You should care very much, wherever in the world you are. It won't be the end of the world, but you will have a vision of what the end of the world might look like. For this is what will happen if the antics of the lawmakers in the US continues.

In August, the US will have revenues of $172 bn and expenditure of $ 307 billion. Pause for a moment and read this again - this is the level of madness at which the Americans have been operating. (Its a sobering thought that every major country in the world, barring China, has been equally mad; India is at the top of the madness stakes). So come Aug 2, if it cannot borrow anymore, the US can spend only what it receives ; therefore $172bn. So where does it cut. The top five spending needs are Medicare and Medicaid $50 bn, Social Security $ 50bn, Defence $30bn, Interest $30bn and Unemployment benefits $ 13 bn. All these themselves add upto $ 172bn. There's no money for anything else - paying salaries for government, or even turning the light bulbs on at the US Congress.

So cut everywhere it has to. When it cuts Social Security or Medicare, there will, metaphorically, be riots on the streets. When it starts to touch interest payments, however, is when the global impact will really come. For that will mean, the US defaults on its debt. But well before that, the US credit rating will be cut. Lenders will not lend anymore, or if they do, will demand much higher interest. Global confidence will be shattered. The dollar will sink. Markets around the world will violently swing and I guarantee you, its impact will be felt everywhere, even on you and me who are a million miles from America.

You would have thought that the wise men in America, who know all this, won't be so foolish as to let this happen. Unfortunately, these days, nutcases, exhibiting the highest sense of irresponsibility, have come to positions of power in the US. I am a diehard fan of America and Americans, but I have been wringing my hands at the amazing levels of depravity to which American politics has descended to.

I urge you to read everyday on the drama that's going on in the US on this debt ceiling issue. Its a real concern for the world - not just America. It affects you in a profound way.

Brightly fade the stars

2011-07-10T12:00:00.000+05:30

The first powered human flight took place in 1903 when the Wright Brothers took their flyer to the sky and flew 120 feet in 12 seconds. In just 58 years after that momentous event, mankind took to space - Yuri Gagarin made that historic spaceflight in 1961. Just eight years later man was on the moon. (just a pause to note that virtually every reader of this blog was not born when Armstrong placed that first footstep on the moon). In 1971 and 1972, Pioneer 10 and 11 probes were launched which flew by Jupiter and Saturn . They are still flying somewhere, but we have lost contact with them. In 1977, the greatest mission of all - Voyager was launched. Past Jupiter, Saturn , Uranus and Neptune and now past the solar system itself, into interstellar space. 34 years after it was launched, it is still in contact and is mankind's first feeble attempt to reach out to the stars.

After 1977 ?? Nothing. The space shuttle program, which is the only noteworthy achievement since then, was all focused on near earth orbit. Even that is coming to an end. Atlantis , the last shuttle flight is in space now. When it returns back, the space shuttles will also be consigned to the museum.

Mankind has turned inwards. The romance and the fascination for space has gone. We go into space today to launch satellites - so that we can watch 5000 more saas bahu serials (soap operas). We want to have a communications system in space so that we can find the way to the nearest bar. We want a spy satellite so that somebody can launch a cruise missile to hit a donkey in the ass in Afghanistan. Better to stop here, before I go bonkers .

Its all a question of money of course. Who can afford to go to the stars, when there are so many problems on the ground. Competition between the Soviet Union and the United States, which drove the fantastic achievements in the 60s and 70s is , alas, gone . When long term is defined as up to the next election, who has the patience to wait 1.6 years for the shortest launch window to even go to Mars which would still take 260 days to reach.

Because space technology is so intimately linked to defence technology, we can kiss international cooperation goodbye. Each nation will do its own thing (Its a telling commentary on the human race, that even when faced with the majesty of Jupiter or Saturn, let alone the stars, Americans, Russians, and Chinese would prefer not to talk to each other). The only country even remotely capable of taking the next steps in space is America. With one of the greatest institutions it ever created - NASA.

Money is short in the world of course, but the way mankind chooses to spend its resources says a lot about it. NASA's annual budget is some $19 bn. The US alone spends some $700 bn on defence. Mankind across the world spends close to $1.3 trillion trying to kill its own. It spends $300bn on drugs to get a high. It spends some $100 bn on pornography. And NASA, the only body in the world that does anything meaningful in space has a princely budget of $ 19bn, which will now be cut given where the US is on its fiscal deficit.

I'm afraid, we are entering a new period of the Dark Ages, when mankind is more familiar with the characters in Harry Potter, but cannot name the planets in the solar system. Where a television programme called Are you Smarter than a Fifth Grader exists and in which only one person has so far won.

On an idle Sunday, lazily browse through the NASA website here , especially the Voyager site and tell me you aren't filled with awe.

The colour of money

2011-07-09T10:13:00.001+05:30

These days, in India, the flavour of the month is black money. The ire seems to be directed (thanks to a popular yoga practioner's antics) against black money stashed abroad. Apparently in Switzerland and Lichtenstein. This yoga practioner claimed that if all the black money stashed abroad were to be brought back, it would signal the end of poverty. The Supreme Court, in another case of judicial overreach, is directing the action on naming and shaming those who hold accounts in the aforesaid countries.

A pause to consider what is black money is in order. Black money is that income on which taxes have not been paid. If this is what black money is, in India, it is right under our noses. Forget about Lichtenstein. It is in every house. The largest generator, washer and lubricator of black money in India is the property market.

When I buy or sell a house, or land, I suffer two incidences of taxation. One is the usurious rate of stamp duty. The second is the perfectly reasonable rate of capital gains tax. I don't want to pay both. You see, taxes are somehow a very good thing when imposed on others and a very bad thing when imposed on me. After all I don't earn all that much and its not "fair" that I should be asked to cough up taxes when those politicans and businessmen are making millions. So its ethically very fair that I evade taxes on my propery transaction.

So what do I do ? I buy a suitcase. Stuff it with cash. Formally, on the contract, the property is being sold and bought at 50% of the real value. Voila - stamp duty falls by half and capital gains tax either disappears or is only a minimum. The balance is paid via the suitcase with a wink and a nod, thereby contributing to the sustained growth of the luggage industry. The recipient presumably stores this suitcase in the loft. And when the time comes for him to buy some other property, the suitcase passes on.

I am willing to be provocative and say that every other guy who has bought or sold property is a generator of black money. Everybody in India is on this loot. And its not just the rich. When land is acquired from the "poor farmer" for a factory to come up, you think he pays his taxes ? Bollocks. His logic - he is "poor" after all; so why should he pay taxes - let the rich pay.

Wealth in India is largely in the form of property. Our own wealth is largely in property. Examine every legislator's wealth and its largely in property. And with evasion of taxes so rampant in the property market, most of us are the creators of black money.

Its an uncomfortable truth. But Lichtenstein can wait. If we want to really unearth black money, we have to pull out and empty our suitcases.

Vanity thy name is Chinese Company

2011-07-05T08:24:00.000+05:30

Vanity thy name is Chinese Internet Company, went the title of an earlier post of mine here. I should correct this now to Vanity thy name is Chinese ~~Internet~~ Company. How else can you explain the rush of Chinese non Internet companies who want to list in the US ?

There are 900 companies with businesses mainly, or only, in China listed in the US. Compared to that there are only some 2000 odd companies listed on the Chinese mainland. Does this make any sense ? Why are Chinese companies falling over each other to list in the US ? Usual reasons - Greed and Vanity.

Greed first. Anything beginning with the letter C is now hot in the US. Never mind that the investor does not know, or care, whether China is to the East or West of Topeka KS. Anything even remotely related to China must be leading to a pot of gold. Hence the stampede towards China stocks. A scene reminiscent of the wildebeest crossing the Mara river. The expert analysts, investors, fund managers all seem to possess exactly the same intelligence as that of the wildebeest.

Greed is also at the back of sundry bankers and advisors egging on Chinese companies to list in the US. Prospect of fat fees has them drooling.

Vanity is the other side of the coin. For some reasons, Chinese owners and CEOs believe their prestige is enhanced by being a "foreign listed company". Local government officials suffer from the same malady - number of foreign listed companies in their domain seem to be a mark of manhood. Supply side stampede.

Getting your company listed in the US is not a joke. Its a laborious process. So the wise intermediaries have discovered the route of a reverse merger. Acquire a shell listed company in the US and merge your company with that one. And Hey Presto, you are now listed in the US. One quarter of all reverse merger transactions of listed companies in the US between 2007 and 2010 were by Chinese companies.

After the champagne, and after the advisors have pocketed their fees and disappeared, comes the problem. 11 Chinese companies have seen their shares being suspended for trading on NASDAQ. Another dozen or so have been delisted or suspended on other US exchanges

The problem is that corporate governance standards in China are nowhere near the requirements of a US listing. Accounting standards and their adoption are also not in the same league. Auditors are not of the same calibre. This does not mean that the intrinsic business is not sound. Very often they are. Many Chinese companies would be at the forefront of dynamism, growth and profitability in the world. But a US listing is not for them; at least not yet. There is a lot of grey in business in China, especially in dealings with the government. American exchanges require black and white; not grey.

Its far better to list in Shanghai and Shenzhen. If listing somewhere else is a must, there is Hong Kong. There is zero business logic in going elsewhere. If you want to preen your feathers, then there are other ways of doing it. Listing in the US is a very bad idea.

There is a peculiar fall out to the situation. As the news of Chinese companies getting suspended or delisted grows, the short sellers are shorting every Chinese company . The same wildebeest stampede is now in the opposite direction - every Chinese company must be dodgy; so short them all. I think it would be entirely appropriate that a few wildebeest be flown from the Serengeti and made to stand outside Wall Street. Bulls and bears are no longer the animals on stock exchanges ; its the wildebeest that's ruling the roost.

Kyon nahin aaya kal ? (Why didn't you come yesterday ?)

2011-07-03T10:34:00.001+05:30

Consider the following employee employer relationship. The post is set in an Indian context, but it could be true of virtually any developing country.

There is no written contract of employment. The worker is paid below that statutory minimum wage. There is no Provident Fund or Employee State Insurance, both of which are statutorily mandated in India. There is no paid leave. Most often, there is no weekly off. Child labour is acceptable. Physical abuse is not unknown. Sexual abuse is ,alas, not rare. Verbal abuse is often. There is no training for the job. There are no rest breaks. The job is monotonous, repetitive, and physically taxing. There is hardly a word of praise or feedback. Biting criticism from the employer is a daily affair.

The workers absent themselves at the drop of a hat. Attrition is enormous; the worker often just absconds or runs away. Coming on time is an alien concept. The worker tries her best to finish faster and with as less effort as possible - quality be damned.

The employer is usually a lady - ninety percent of the time. She fervently believes that she is the fairest employer of all and all this unsavoury labour practices, which she incidentally tch tches at, are done by other amazons , not her. And look at how ungrateful her employee is - she bunked today. The beauty is that the employer cannot do without the employee. And yet, such is the treatment.

The employee is also usually a lady - ninety nine percent of the time. In her opinion, she is the very epitome of decency and hard work and her employer is the perfect example of a Rakshasi (demon).

This is a gigantic industry. There are an estimated 50 m workers in this category globally - some 10m in India and probably an equal number in China. They are to be found all over the developing world. Minus this industry, half the countries in the world would come to a grinding halt.

You would have thought that in such a situation, there would be huge improvements and advancements. Lots of innovation, technology, good practices, corporotisation, etc etc. Not so. The industry is stuck in a time warp. The only change that has happened in the last decade or two is that the worker now carries a mobile phone, instead of being completely non contactable.

Welcome to the world of the maid.

Salary of $ 25 million and on strike

2011-06-30T18:17:00.001+05:30

Just imagine this. You earn a salary of $ 25m a year. And then you go on strike demanding improved wages. Believable ?? You better believe it. Kobe Bryant (arguably the best basketball player in the world, for those readers not familiar with sport), earns that salary, but is on strike from tonight. Actually not just Kobe. Every basketball player who plays in the NBA ( unsporting types - that's the National Basketball Association, which runs the League in the US of A.)

The NBA is a private league. Players have formed a union and there is a collective bargaining agreement every few years. The last agreement expires today. Negotiations with owners of the teams has broken down. No deal; so there is a lock out.

The team owners are losing money. The players claim they aren't getting enough money. Despite the wild popularity of the game. Unlike other American sports such as Football (the American variety) and Baseball, which have limited appeal outside the country, basketball is wildly popular in Europe, and most important of all, in China. Yet the League loses money. As always, money is at the heart of the dispute.

The issues under negotiations are technical, perhaps only of interest to a die hard NBA fan like myself. Both the owners and the players are driven by absurd greed. The trouble is that there are a lot of others, who depend on the NBA for a living, but who don't have a say in this matter. You would think the players should be the last group that needs a union, but that's the way it is. With the lockout, what's going to happen to the cheerleaders. The ushers and ticket sellers in the stadiums. The guys who clean the locker rooms. The pretzel sellers. All out of a job and on the dole.

And what about the fan. He's the one who pays all of them - owners and players included. If the millions like me stop following the game, there is no $25m for Mr Bryant. Of all the people the owners and the players are taking for granted, its the fan. The poor little (or big !) Joe Public who is passionate about the game. Who relives every great moment in the sport. Who remembers the famous dunk of Shaq against Portland. Or Jordan's 20 footer in Game 6 against the Jazz with 5.2 seconds to go. Or his 38 points against the unfortunate Jazz, battling flu, dehydration , sick as hell. Even Derek Fisher, the current head of the Players Union winning against the Spurs with a shot taken 0.4 seconds before time expired.

You lot - owners and players alike - need a bollocking. Pampered rich kids who need to stop throwing tantrums. Don't quibble over small change when you guys are very well off. Get an agreement, lift the lockout.

And may the great game keep flowing.

Good Morning Sir, at 1.00 PM

2011-06-26T18:28:00.000+05:30

This blogger is not enamoured of traveling now, the consequence of over exposure to this activity over many years. In this forum, there has been many a rant against airlines, fellow fliers, roads, and even cows. But I discover that there hasn’t been a full throated rant against an important abomination that is an inevitable component of the aforesaid activity – the hotel. This post rectifies the imbalance.

Does anywhere else in the world, the day start at 12.00 noon, I ask you. I can understand that the lazy Senior Division Clerk at Chennai Telephones believes that day starts at 11.00 AM. But 12.00 noon ? or 2.00 PM ? or even at one place 4.00 PM ? You arrive at a new city after some 12 hours of being frozen in a Nataraja pose (after extensive research, airlines have learnt that it is the best “seating” arrangement in which you can squash the maximum number of people). The blasted flight has landed at 5.00 AM. You leg it to the hotel, to be told that the day starts at 2.00 PM and could you come back in 9 hours please.

Try getting into a hotel around daybreak (12.00 noon is daybreak in hotel speak). There is one bored looking sleepy clerk to check in 722 obese package tourists who have all landed up to be checked in. They want your credit card and immediately block it for $ 1 million – heavy hint that that is the amount you are expected to spend. Nowhere else is a potential customer treated like a potential thief – what if you run away without paying the bill; so appropriate your card as much as possible. Never mind that I am a regular stayer in the blasted place, my company has made the booking, and the company routinely spends thousands of dollars putting up its managers there.

Once you get in, you are a captive “bhakra” (nincompoop), waiting to be milked. They want to charge you for water to drink ($2 for 10 ml ). The biggest rip off is the charge for internet – you pay for 10 mts, what you’ll pay for a whole year back home. Breakfast costs $56 plus taxes, plus service charge, plus surcharge, plus convenience fee please. Then there is the monstrosity called the mini bar – everything costs $10 please and we’ll bill you even if the chambermaid has flicked a bottle or two. God help you if you touch the telephone - $17 for looking and $34 for touching; any further activity at your own risk. And unless you carry your entire wardrobe with you, you are going to be literally be bled white by laundry. You white, the clothes torn, that is.

Dimensions of the room are now approaching the vital statistics of airline seats, especially in Europe. Americans (New York excepted) and Asians are more liberal with cubic capacity. But Europeans believe that chicken coops and hotel rooms must have same precise dimensions. One bed and 1.76 inches walking space. Try soaping yourself in 1ft by1.5ft shower cubicle and you’ll begin to appreciate the bruises after every trip.

What’s a typical pattern of stay in a business trip ? Land in a place, have a shower and off to office. Obviously, there’s a dinner with somebody in the evening. Perhaps a drink or two at some bar, after dinner, to be civil and polite. Stumble bleary eyed into the hotel at some 11 PM or so. Fall into bed and hopefully wake up at 6.00 and repeat all over again. For this privilege, pay some $250 (does not apply to those who stay at Ritz Carlton). I was completely unaware of the value of a shower or the value of horizontal repose, until I started to see hotel bills.

Home away from home, I believe. My foot !

Angola or Mongolia ?

2011-06-23T09:37:00.002+05:30

Is Gils living in Angola or Mongolia ?? He isn't, but he very well could be. He is in the state of Tamil Nadu in India, but in terms of GDP he would be no different to living in Angola and in terms of per capita GDP, he would be the same as a Mongolian. This, according to a lovely chart by the Economist, which you can see here. They say a picture is worth a thousand words (something this blogger evidently doesn't believe because he regularly inflicts 1000 words on the reader, without a photo in sight). Surely a chart like this is worth 10,000 words. Brilliant, as the Economist usually is.

Vishal can chose between Turkmenistan and Latvia. Sandhya can opt for Croatia or the Philippines. When she goes home, Reflections , who is now wonderfully active in the blogosphere after extensive bouts of laziness, can chose to be a Tunisian or a Papua New Guinean. Wow. All of a sudden, India doesn't seem to be that great an economic powerhouse, does it ? Each state by itself seems fairly insignificant. Nagaland, for example, is no better off than the basketcase of the world, Zimbabwe (Naga National Council, please note). And the assorted , unwashed, Islamist groups might want to ponder that the jihad and shaheeds will all lead to either a Bahamas (without the sun and the sea) or a Gambia.

Of course the one number India has in plenty, is population. If Uttar Pradesh were separate country, it would be the fifth most populous country in the world. Zeno could be a Thai and kiwibloke, when he is not a kiwi, could be a dapper, handsome Italian.

The Economist has published a similar map of China here. Tony Chen could be in Kazakhstan. Carol Chan (grrr; she's made her blog private) is from Azerbaijan. Zhang Dan could be in Turkmenistan, when she is not actually in the UK.

Very helpfully , The Economist has also published a similar map of the US here. By this token, Hopfrog is a Peruvain, and J has become a Thai. Deepa is really a Begum in nearby Dubai, but I am not sure if Mark is a Kiwi or a Finn.

Interesting, isn't it ?

Happy Birthday Big Blue

2011-06-20T10:03:00.002+05:30

On June 16th, IBM turned 100. Yes, 100 years old. That is a colossal achievement by any standards. As with living beings, so with corporations - the primary motive, and a great achievement, is survival. Time to bring out the cake and sing Happy Birthday.

The company started life in 1911 as Computing Tabulating Recording Corporation, formed by a merger of three small companies. A decade or so later it changed its name to a more catchy International Business Machines, the name by which it is still known. And over the decades it has weathered many a storm, made many a significant achievement and today, even at a ripe old age, is strong, robust and dancing. That is has done so in the field of information technology, where the pace of change is far more rapid than in other sectors, adds a special gloss to the achievement.

Look at the inventions it has to its credit. The punch clock to record time, the electric tabulating machine, the ATM, the floppy disk, the hard disk, the magnetic stripe card, the barcode system, the relational database, the DRAM .......... Its employees have won five Nobel Prizes. It helped put man on the moon.

It has had towering business leaders. None bigger than Thomas J Watson Sr, who was President of the company for 40 years , between 1914 and 1956. A legend, it was he who created IBM. And in the 1990s, when it was tottering and seemed about to fall, it turned to a biscuit king - Lou Gerstner to transform it into a services company.

It was one of the earliest companies to adopt HR practices, that we would consider common place today but were positively revolutionary for those times. Group insurance in 1934, paid leave in 1937, a training centre in 1933. 18 years before the Civil Rights Act of 1964 in the US, it recruited its first black salesman.

Its had troubled times too. Early on, it didn't move away from punched cards and almost died. Another near death experience was when it lost the battle for the PC operating system to Microsoft. In the 90s , until Lou Gerstner pulled it into services, it was stuck on being a hardware company. But each time, it survived and came bouncing back. That's the stuff of champions.

Today its back to its heyday. Its a colossus and in robust health. Its one of the largest companies in the world. And one of the most admired. Happy Birthday old girl. You deserve a toast and cheer, even from your competitors.

Driving, Indian road and bliss in the same sentence

2011-06-19T11:05:00.000+05:30

Indian roads are hell; right ? Well, Yes and No. This blogger has characterised them as the most dangerous place on earth, even more dangerous than Iraq or Afghanistan here. But that's only part of the story. They can also be delightfully brilliant. Really ? Yes.

Some years ago, a wise old man, who was the then Prime Minister of India, conceptualised the Golden Quadrilateral (GQ) . The cities of Delhi, Kolkata, Chennai, Bangalore and Mumbai would be linked by world class highways. This is now a reality. Driving on them can be a breeze. Even 5 years ago you could not have dreamt that the words driving, breeze and Indian road could feature in the same sentence.

These four lane highways are truly world class. Not a pot hole in sight. No speed breaker too. Its actually a greater pleasure to drive on them than say in Europe or China, simply because the roads are often empty. These are toll roads, a concept still new to India and trucks haven't got used to the idea that they have to pay a toll. So they avoid the GQ. In any case they prefer to rumble on in the night rather than in the day. Ditto buses - most of them travel in the night too. Indian car owners simply don't do highways (unless you are experts like RamMmm or Kiwibloke, to whom I tip my hat). Cars are strictly to drop munni in school and to take madam shopping. Inter city travel is mostly by train or plane. So the GQ is largely empty in the daytime, except for stretches close to cities. No road works going on, very few diversions ......Driving nirvana.

Of course, the peculiarities of Indian roads won't go away in a giffy. Every kilometer or so, somebody is coming on the wrong side of the road. It is also perfectly acceptable for tractors to come in from a side road blissfully unmindful of the car that is bearing down at it at 130 kmph. And then there is the cow. GQ designers made a grave blunder by trying to have green grass on the median - presumably to sooth the eye. In India, where there is grass, there will be a cow. They want to chew their cud only on the opposite side of the road after a leisurely stroll. Expert GQ drivers know that when they see a cow, they stop - first they let the cow pass and then they know a calf is lurking somewhere which will dart across to follow mum.

Facilities have sprung up on the way. Lots of petrol bunks (gas stations, if you prefer). Restaurants have joined the dhabas; so ensuring that Rajalakshmi will suffer no weight loss during the drive. What is still missing is, of course, the loo. Indians being very conscious of environmental recycling, prefer to return nitrogen to nature.

The GQ is a real pleasure. All those who criticise Indian infrastructure, come take a look. And take a drive. M 25, the world's largest car park, will then feel positively medieval !

The old boiling frog analogy applies in reverse too. When things improve, we don't notice it if we are right in the middle of it. Roads in India are slowly but surely improving.

Fair Price Shops. Fair to whom ?

2011-06-18T09:31:00.000+05:30

On a walk the other day, I spied a shop that was a "fair price shop". There are many of them dotted around cities and towns in India. They are usually shut with a "No stock" board hanging in front. They are part of government initiatives to sell foodgrains and vegetables at "fair prices". They are not ration shops, mind you, which are designed to sell subsidised grains to the poor. These are shops where you and I can buy as well. At "fair prices".

Begs the question, fair to whom ?

Here's Economics 101 for the economically challenged. Prices are fixed by supply and demand. A willing seller and a willing buyer together fix the price. As long as there are many sellers and buyers and as long as there is information on what everybody is buying and selling at, the price that is so determined freely is what is a "fair" price.

But to Rajalakshmi, a fair price is a low price. Nothing wrong with buyers wanting the lowest possible price, but that can't be necessarily termed as fair. According to her, the "poor" farmer is being cheated by nefarious middlemen who is then overcharging her and making obscene profits. It is still fashionable in India to rail against all middlemen and term them as hoarders, blackmarketeers, racketeers, and such other colourful terms.

This is complete bunkum. The one market in India that is reasonably close to a perfect market is the one for foodgrains and vegetables. The more perishable the commodity, the more perfect the market. With the advent of mobile phones, farmers now have ready information of wholesale market prices. They usually shop around for the best prices they can get - gone are the days where the villainous middleman could pay the farmer a pittance and sell at the market a kilometer away at a fortune. The middleman has little elbow room to make huge profits. Prices are now very transparent in wholesale markets and price fixation is virtually impossible - the next market is only some 50 kms away and the mobile phone instantly relays prices there.

Speculating is real tough. Commodity and futures markets are in infancy and not a factor. Hoarding in the anticipation of better prices is equally challenging. Firstly storage space is non existent or extremely expensive (India is a country of third world prices in everything except land and property which are above first world prices). The economics simply does not work out. Secondly investment in storage, especially cold storage is wildly expensive. Pest infestation is rampant. That's why some 20-30% of food production in India goes waste. It simply doesn't make economic sense to hoard. And finally Rajalakshmi is the most astute of buyers. She may be intellectually challenged in other fields, but in buying food, she is the queen. If a shop sells something at 0.5% cheaper, she is sure to find out. All the ingredients of a perfect market are there.

That's why food prices fluctuate daily. And often wildly as they move in tandem with supply and demand. When prices shoot up, its not that somebody is making a huge profit. Usually supply is low because of a natural calamity or a crop failure. In that case the high price is a fair price to the producer. Consumers have the choice of switching to something else. The price is also fair to the consumer who buys at the high price because she is choosing to do so, valuing her taste for that particular item. What Rajalakshmi wants is a low price, no matter what, with "somebody" subsidising her. Well , who is that somebody ?I can argue the case for the poor being subsidised and cushioned against high prices of food. But Rajalakshmi ? She, who is going for a pedicure ? No way.

That's why "fair price" shops remain mostly shut with the no stock sign. They are fair to nobody and are a prehistoric relic of India's dalliance with an outmoded socialist philosophy.

The UK conundrum on pensions

2011-06-14T08:37:00.000+05:30

If you are in the UK this coming autumn, you better brace yourself for a series of strikes. Public sector unions are calling for a series of sustained strikes. Throwback to the 80s perhaps ?? Maybe. My view is that these planned strikes are completely unjustified and the unions are living in cuckooland.

The problem is pensions. Readers of this blog are young enough to completely switch off at the mere mention of this word. But this is one of the biggest problems in business today.

The problem is that, years ago, stupid HR types, gave away a perk called "defined benefit" pensions. This meant that when you retired you were eligible for a pension which was a high percentage of your last drawn pay. To add insult, these would be inflation indexed and accrue to you till you die. That's all fine, but who's going to pay for all this. The even more stupid accounting types, blissfully ignored the ramifications of what they had promised and simply ignored this future promise. When the time came to pay, surprise surprise, there was no money. This is what brought the mighty car industry in Detroit to the shambles it is in today.

Private industry woke up to this menace a decade or two ago. Firstly they started to predict what might be the princely sums they had to pay and started providing for it (which basically meant that the cost of labour went up astronomically). Secondly, the wise ones stopped recruiting new people on this crazy scheme and instead switched to a scheme wherein your contribution was matched by the employer - but did not promise that you will get moneys linked to your last drawn salaries. The problem will therefore go away in a couple of decades.

But the public sector has been sleeping. Or scared to get up because of the unions. This is the problem in the UK. They are still continuing the unsustainable defined benefit scheme. But the government is now asking that the employees increase their contributions by 3% more. This is what the unions are wanting to strike against.

Public sector workers must be garlanding the government that they still can get defined benefit pensions. Nobody in the private sector can get it today. Instead they want to go on strike to protect some prehistoric "entitlement". The government should call their bluff and let them strike. They risk alienating voters enough so that Margaret Thatcher II would be voted to power. That should make them pause and think.

Land Ahoy !

2011-06-12T17:23:00.002+05:30

The call had come to the village. The ship had come. It was anchored in the deep seas, some distance away. Where it was sailing to, nobody knew. Even if they knew, it would have meant little; world geography wasn't their strong point All they knew was that it was going far far away. And that the white sahib was promising work for any able bodied man or woman who was willing to sail.

The terms were simple. Or at least, this is what they understood. The white sahib would feed them and house them. He wouldn't charge them for the ship journey. They were to work for about five years or so. They wouldn't be paid any wages, but they would be given food and shelter. After five years they were "free" ; could come back home (they would have to pay for the trip) or stay or whatever. This was to be their "contract". When they landed , the white man would thrust a paper in front of them to that effect. They were to sign the contract. Of course they didn't know to read or write ; the thumb impression had to do.

Between the late 1800s and the early 1900s, this was the story of some in India. The story of indentured labour. People were in plenty. But , in the village, there wasn't much to do. Famines were common. And all over the British empire, across the world, labour was needed. Maybe for plantations. Maybe for laying the railways. Maybe for building roads. So large numbers of people went and therein started the spread of the Indian diaspora across the world.

The main regions where Indians were taken were Africa, especially South Africa, the Caribbean, The Pacific Islands, especially Fiji, and Singapore/Malaysia. It all depended on where the ship that you went to was sailing - pure chance. If it went to Singapore/Malaysia, there was a chance of you coming back some day. But if it went to Fiji or the Caribbean, then distance ensured you never came back. South Africa was different; it was close enough to come back, but apartheid and the global sanctions ensured that they were marooned there.

Imagine their thoughts when they first landed. In a completely strange place, they hardly knew where. Completely shut off from their families back home - neither side would even know if the other was alive or dead. No chance of communication of course. Life was hard. But they survived. Married amongst themselves. Built a community. Collectively they became true Indians - divisions of caste, languages, etc vanished. They even evolved a common lingua franca sometimes - thus came Fijian Hindi to being.

Slowly the link with the homeland became weaker and weaker. Their children and grandchildren slowly went native. They spoke English. They saw themselves as Malaysians or South Africans or Fijians. But the link remained. There was still an Indian touch to their food. They still married largely within the community. And of course, in recent times, there has been Bollywood. Even if they couldn't understand Hindi, song and dance was in their genes.

This is a small tribute to those magnificent men and women. For those times, what they did, was positively trail blazing. Today there are some 24m persons of Indian origin worldwide. Recent migrants have been the educated and the elite, to western shores, but the large majority trace their origin to the indentured labour of old. They've created magnificent communities in every country they have gone too. They were truly a pioneering generation.

PS : While reading about this topic, I came across an interesting post on the indentured coolie by Capt Ajit Vadakayil here. If this issue interests you, this will make disturbing reading.

US Defence Spending

2011-06-09T09:12:00.000+05:30

The Unites States spends some $700 bn on defence. Its spending is more than the combined total of the next 17 countries - a list that includes China and Russia (See The Economist's chart on defence spending here) . It's none of this blogger's business to question whether it should be having so many bombs - that's for American citizens to decide for themselves, although we can have a mild interest as to whether it is sensible to fire a AGM Hellfire II from a drone above North Waziristan at a cost of some $70,000 to hit a donkey in its ass !

This blog, having some pretensions to economic bias, instead ruminates on the sheer scale of cost effectiveness that is possible on defence spending. Without reducing the number of bombs that is. You see, the traditional ingredients by which businesses attack costs are simply not present n the field of defence.

There is very little competition. The best way to reduce costs is competition. But there is little chance of that with US defense. Firstly, no foreign competition is possible. Secondly there are very few domestic competitors and anyway they don't really compete with each other - its all an elaborate dance of a little more or little less - the thought of the chiefs of Boeing and Lockheed Martin in a tango sent me into splits of laughter No chance here of a Walmart equivalent coming and slashing prices.

Then there is almost no innovation to reduce costs. All innovation, and there's plenty, is to build bigger and better bombs. Perhaps targeting a camel's ass or an elephant's ass. Nobody is going to get promoted for reducing the missile cost by half.

Thirdly, no offshoring is possible at all. Outsourcing is possible, but is usually only a measure to take personnel off your headcount (hence the mercenaries in Iraq, Afghanistan and so on).But can production be offshored to China or India, where you can cut costs by 50% ?? Not a chance.

What about operating efficiencies. Like , what is the cheapest way to hit a donkey's ass in North Waziristan. An old 303 rifle perhaps ? No chance. War is all about "overwhelming military power" - and to hell with the costs.

Transparency in accounting ? Worker quality circles to reduce costs ? Perish the thought. How about cutting Head Office costs. Like shifting the Pentagon from the middle of Arlington County to Supai, Arizona ? Ha Ha.

Somebody is footing the bill for the missed opportunities in cost reduction. It's the US tax payer , of course. Some of the more common business tools to reduce costs may not be possible to implement in the military. But while the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq are pursued, the US would do well to start another war on costs. It may actually find it more productive than the other two wars mentioned above.

Paul Ryan - Are you listening ?

The legacy of Generation X

2011-06-05T18:29:00.000+05:30

When you reach a certain age, you start to think of the legacy that you wish to leave behind. What would you like to be known for ? What would history judge you by ? Generation X , to which I belong, is the post baby boomer generation in the Western world. The generation of transition from Mao to modern China in the Middle Kingdom. The generation that came of age post the Indo-Pak-China wars in India. Our best years may have gone by, but we are young enough to still influence our legacy. So what would history judge us as ?

Alas, my conclusion has to be that of a wasteful generation. A generation that went on a binge and is leaving a debt to its children. Every major country in the world is saddled with mounting public debt, created because we of Generation X wanted instant gratification, but were not prepared to pay for it. Be it health, or pensions, we wanted it all, but are leaving the bills to be paid for by our children. Alas.

We were wasteful also with the environment. More than any other generation, we have done our best to ignore the consequences of our action on the environment. We wanted our comforts but are leaving the clean up to later generations.

Despite given the great opportunity by the baby boomers , who preceded us, we have not been able to abolish war. Or even limit it. Human conflicts continue as ever before - just in a different part of the world. Cambodia, Congo, Afghanistan - the list is as depressing as ever.

We've also, I am afraid presided over a gradual degradation of values. True we have made some remarkable progress in some fields - we are much more equal at this point in time than at any previous point in history. But overall, moral turpitude is on the ascendancy in a meteoric way. The word greed, has perhaps taken an altogether new meaning in our time.

We've also not really put our might behind advancement of human knowledge. No great breakthroughs in science. Yes, lots of incremental improvements, but nothing that would make us stand out in history. Worse, we went backwards in some fields - notably in space science.

Not all is bad however. We do have some accomplishments to our credit. The greatest of them all has to be the communications revolution, especially the internet, which is nothing short of magic. We've also shrunk the world - we've brought countries and peoples together. More people have visited and experienced other cultures than ever before. We perhaps can claim some credit for the onset of globalisation - maybe one day we will transform into a truly global oneness.

But overall, the report card doesn't look too good. B minus at best. We can improve; there's still time. Maybe move the needle to a B or even a B plus. Improve our legacy to our children. It would be a crying shame if, at the end, our generation would have lived in vain. And didn't leave it a much better place than when we inherited it.

Ramamritham goes to the US

2011-06-02T08:11:00.001+05:30

Guess which country is this ? The decision on where a company should locate a new factory is made by the unions and the government. The company, which thought it could decide for itself, is rapped on the knuckles for presuming this right. Where could this be in this day and age - North Korea ? Zimbabwe ? Libya ? Alas, none of these. It is actually the US of A.

The company in question is Boeing. For long it has had factories in the Pacific NorthWest - in the states of Washington and Oregon. It now needs additional manufacturing capacity for making the Dreamliner - the new 787 series that is being launched worldwide. It set up an additional factory in South Carolina. The unions representing the Washington and Oregon plant workers filed a complaint with the National Labour Relations Board (NLRB). The NLRB upheld the complaint - Boeing was wrong to open a factory in South Carolina !!

The case boggles the mind. Boeing did not shut down any factory or lay off any workers. On the contrary it actually increased its workers at the Northwest factories to run it to full capacity. But instead of building a new factory there, it built it in South Carolina. It could have very well built it in the Northwest. But its problem was that every three years or so the workers there were going on strike and this was severely impacting the company. The unions complained, and the NLRB upheld this complaint, that "Boeing's actions were motivated by a desire to retailiate for past strikes and chill future strike activity" !

Underneath it all is the big fight between organised labour and business in America. The case of the autoworkers in Detroit is well known. The undercurrent is also the competition between "union shop" states and the "right to work" states. In some states in the US, company workers are forced to join the established unions and pay membership fees by law. Washington and Oregon fall in this category. In other states, workers cannot be forced by unions to become members. South Carolina falls in this group. No prizes for why Boeing, or for that matter, any company, wants to site factories in states like South Carolina.

This being America, Boeing is going to the courts. Lawyers on both sides are rubbing their hands in glee.

A larger trend in America (and more so in Europe) is the rapid expansion of the license raj. Governments and petty bureaucrats are increasingly coming in the way of business, in a manner reminiscent of Ramamritham of India. The Economist in two recent articles has actually used the term "license raj" - you can read them here and here and they make wonderful reading if you are interested in the antics of Ramamritham's ilk.

Ramamritham's counterpart in the UK is called Sir Humphrey Appleby. I now have to invent a name for his American cousin !!

Guilty until proved innocent

2011-05-29T11:55:00.001+05:30

She never thought it would come to this. Being dumped in a 15ft by 10ft cell in the country's most notorious jail. In a filthy place and in the close proximity of some of the most hardened criminals of the land. Her only consolation was that there were many like her, who believed they were innocent, hadn't been convicted and yet forced to already begin serving their punishment.

Her crime was that she was famous. Or rather, her family was famous. And probably notorious as well, but then if guilt by association was a crime, virtually all of us would be in jail. In a land where the rule of law is supposedly in force, you ought to be judged on your own actions and not the actions of those you are "palling" with (the awful word within quotes is courtesy of a certain lady in the US of questionable intellectual capability ).

The problem in this land is that there is a public perception (not unaffected by jealously) that the rich and famous have all got there by unfair means and are all guilty of crimes. Quite a few of them may indeed be. But many of them are certainly not. And never mind that the public that hasn't got there, would do exactly the same thing given half a chance. And so the great body called public opinion, is all too ready to believe that you only have to make an allegation and its already sealed, served and delivered that the person is guilty. Never mind the formalities of a trial, of producing hard evidence, of proving beyond reasonable doubt, and such other inconveniences.

The great body of the public believes (rightly) that the process of justice takes far too much time , often decades, and therefore believes (wrongly) that we can dispense with the formalities and assume the right to pronounce an instant guilty verdict. The judiciary, which delights in issuing homilies to the executive and passing strictures against all and sundry should hang its head in shame if it just looks at its own navel. It should set itself in order before commenting on anybody else - has it heard of the cliche that justice delayed is justice denied. When it can take a decade or two to pronounce a judgement, when sometimes the protagonists have actually died of old age before a verdict was given and when undertrials are jailed for periods of time greater than the maximum sentence if they had been found guilty .........

The great body of public also believes that all this is extremely unfair on the poor, but is extremely fair on the rich. For some reason, the rich and famous need to be made an example of to prove that all are equal in the eyes of law. That's an awful argument. We should be fair on the poor; not unfair on the rich. Two wrongs don't make a right.

The words civil society is often heard of these days in my nation. I am not sure there is much civility about it. In a civil society, you are presumed innocent until proven guilty. Not the other way around. You can only be punished if you are proven guilty. The operating word is proven. Not presumed.

All of this was not of much consolation to her. She was licking her woulds, both literally and figuratively. Literally because she had been jostled , pushed and pulled, on her way to the jail. The media, which vigorously defends its freedom, believes that rugby tackles, scrums, brawls and such other techniques are perfectly acceptable in trying to film an "event". Pushing and shoving a subject is totally acceptable while pushing and shoving a reporter is a grievous assault on press freedom.

She knows that she'll have to wait and wait. And resort to some underhand political machinations to get released, which she indeed will probably resort to. There is little chance of an upright stand on the strength of the argument or the defence. Because it won't work. Others like her , languishing in the jail, don't have any other option. Their only option is to languish.

One of the greatest sins a civil society can do is to arbitrarily withdraw the liberty of a human being . Without a due process of law, trial and conviction. Doesn't matter if she is rich or poor. Obscure or famous. Plagiarising one of the greatest ever sons of the country "Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake".

Why, on earth, a pedicure ?

2011-05-22T15:56:00.003+05:30

This post is a vain rant against the female invasion , nay takeover, of the street barber. Evidence of the extreme intellectual rigour of this blog. Needling fair ladies, who throng this space :) is an occasional pastime of this blogger. Considering that its been a while since the opposite sex was needled here, and considering his rather impish mood today, its time to risk life and limb again.

There was a time, not so long ago, when the barber down the street was exclusively a male preserve. Indian women of that vintage, let their hair down (literally, but never, figuratively) and had no use for that specimen, who had the artistry of a butcher. Men could go there in peace and submit themselves to the shears, while engaging in discussions exclusively masculine in nature. Alas , no longer.

The blasted guy has metamorphed into a 'unisex salon". Or a "spa", Or a "beauty therapist". I understand none of these words and had to look them up. These places are now well on their way to being a 99% female preserve, with the poor male consigned to a single seat near the loo. While the men queue up for 2 hours to gain the attention of the solitary guy who condescends to cater to men (did that yesterday; hence this post !), various Rajalakshmis breeze in and out, for all sorts of "beauty treatments". I had the urge to quip that their beauty would be better served by a few hours in the gym rather than here, but then wisely refrained given the substantial body mass disadvantage that I have.

And what all do they do in this place. I shall desist from graphic description of what goes on - suffice to say that seeing a Rajalakshmi in that state is enough to drive men off the female species forever. But what completely boggles me is the pedicure.

Why on earth would any woman want to tend to her toenails ? I once asked this question to a lady , while offering the brilliant insight that a male would never bring his eyes down to look at her feet, he being preoccupied at a rather higher level. She looked at me pityingly and gave me an even more brilliant insight. She disabused me entirely of the notion that women are in the least interested in looking pretty to a man. Apparently they are strictly in the business of catching the eye of other women (perhaps with a hint of jealousy). Ah; I never realised that before (male ego completely deflated).

So the pedicure rules supreme. Cut your nails. Soak your feet in water, Apply some goo. Get your feet tickled. And dump a whole wad of cash for that privilege. Eeks.

Yes, I know. Women are from Venus.

PS : Comments to the effect that "metrosexuals" also indulge in this abomination are entirely unacceptable on the grounds that they are not members of homo sapiens masculinitis.

Succession at the IMF

2011-05-19T10:43:00.001+05:30

Unless you have a visceral hatred of the IMF, you could not have missed all the media coverage of Dominique Strauss Kahn, its boss. The affair has exploded like a nuclear bomb on a number of fronts. Firstly there is the IMF itself, currently deeply involved in the European bailout situation. Secondly it has blown open the French Presidential race - he was the front runner and it was quite possible that Sarkozy would have lost to him in the elections next year. It has called into question Continental European tolerance for sexual profligacy of its leaders - surely the Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi is at least a bit worried.

But this blog must remain a strictly non political one. This post is about the appointment of the new IMF chief - DSK has just resigned today and even if he is acquitted, is unlikely to get his job back.

It has been an utterly shameful arrangement that a cosy understanding exists that the World Bank chief is an American and that the IMF chief is an European. This is a throwback to the post World War II days when only America and Europe mattered. Its a different world today and yet the old boys club still remains. Its a multi polar world these days, in case you have not noticed. But then old foggies in gentleman's clubs are rarely wont to look outside the window until its too late.

That the head of a major international body is chosen for reasons of nationality rather than merit is simply an unacceptable position. But then, alas, head of major international bodies, are indeed chosen that way. Witness the position of the Secretary General of the United Nations a succession of colourless personalities have graced this chair. Witness the boss of the EU - can anybody even remember his name. Such are the contortions of world politics. So its futile to expect that merit alone will decide the next head of the IMF. But there is no harm in at least stating the obvious, however unlikely the chance of it happening.

This is a time to change. The new head of the IMF must simply be the best man for the job. In a time of unprecedented financial and economic challenges, it cannot be anybody but that. Irrespective of whether he is from Timor Leste or from Tuvalu. He must be a world renowned economist and also somebody who has worked in the IMF before - after all its a huge and complex organisation. He must have a track record of major economic policy achievements on the international stage. He must be a heavyweight - not a puppet who can be strung along.

Step forward Montek Singh Ahluwalia.

A world without oil

2011-05-15T18:03:00.004+05:30

The price of oil has been well above $ 100 a barrell for sometime now and there is every likelihood that its going to stay there. Yesterday the Indian government was forced to raise the price of petrol by Rs 5 per litre. This blogger has railed often against the the largest transfer of wealth from the poor to the rich, from the rest of the world to the Gulf, etc etc. This Sunday, its a light hearted look at the benefits of a world without oil.

Imagine the utopia it shall be. At an instant the road everywhere in the world will become oases of peace. The whole world will become slimmer, Rajalakshmi will now have to walk, or bike and hopefully an ounce of athleticism will come to her. TV programmes such as the Biggest Loser will cease to exist - instead new programmes such as "how lazy can you be" may become the rage.

Some of blots on humanity will mercifully be consigned to oblivion. Like Heathrow, or O'Hare. And imagine a world without Air India - sheer bliss. And " On a clear day, you cannot see General Motors".

Bedouins can reclaim the Middle East. Ambulisamma has to return back and monstrosities such as the Burj al Arab can safely be mothballed. Bernie Ecclestone and Max Mosley can at last be made bankrupt as the most boring sport in the world - Formula 1 (made most boring thanks to the aforesaid gentlemen) has a complete remake. It shall morph into a bullock cart race which India shall rule, until the Chinese take it into their head that they have to dominate that sport too.

Imagine, no fat tourists, awfully dressed, of indeterminable age and thrusting a camera in the direction of "locals". No visits from "damagers" (copyright courtsey gils as a synonym for manager), from awfully cold places like Chicago or Tokyo trying to escape the shivers and holidaying in sunnier climes under the guise of inspecting the natives.

And so on and so on. Readers are invited to share their vision of the new world. Each of your thoughts in a para please (I'll transport it from the comments here) and this post will expand into a collage .......

Gils - oil'yam natchathirathula poranthavangallam ippo semma demandla iruppaanga pola. English translation - People born under the ahilyam star sign (a play on Oil) will be in great demand.

Zeno - No Oil means, no need to bargain with autowallahs, no accident causing metro lorries in Chennai :) no car chases in movies :(

Sandhya - well.... as you say, there are many positives of the no oil world - no morning -evening flights and no stale aircraft food - no airhostess with a the artificial smile (works like a mechanical robot - opens and closes at the same speed at the same precision with the same expression!!)

and then, if there were no oil, you would create huge living spaces for many homeless poor - i mean where will all the cars and buses go - some one has to use them up

and then people like Gils would be India's most wanted... i mean on the positive side. that is because - In a world devoid of all fuss and frolic... there are few people who can keep the energy going and lively....

Hema - Ha...no oil means no traffic, no traffic jams, no getting late to office, no office,no need of vacation, more blogging, more reading, more poetry, more morning walks, bliss...

Venkat - 1)No oil means, Indian politics or atleast kerala politics will definetely change. yes millions of gulf living NRI's will turn to vote. also the density of present population in some states will increase with these NRI's return. 2)World may not familiar with the nineth richest man Mukesh. 3)Goverment may increase income tax % to compensate revenue from oil. 4)No wonder still world will run vehicles and air crafts will with water like in steam engines.

RamMmm - Ha! No petroleum derivatives also then. No vaseline et al, no creams of most kinds (fairness creams esp., we can tan-o-tan), no deo sprays ('no babe magnet deo aXe' esp. we may stink, so what!), no dandruff shampoos (hmmm... lets use groundnut/shikakai), no washing powder (back to old smash on stone technique), less pharma products (ayurveda may fill-in), no plastics (yay!, but what do we do without it?, no fertilizers (globally organic), no air-conditioning as no anti-freeze (toast to skin roast!)) gosh!, the dependence on petroleum is starting to look scary. :(

Vishal - The thought of a world without oil is so serene to imagine. Can we indeed go back in time? Aah!

The same puff of fresh air which is otherwise available in the Maidan area of Calcutta early morning, could be felt in other big cities also. NH-8 would be a lovely place to take an evening stroll... oh! nothing can beat that!

IST will be IST then... or may be better than that.

Consider Biogas for home fuel. Water could be treated like water in the country like ours and even in gulf.

Whoa... the world will be a different place then...

Srivats : No oil means we wont get to have the vegetables , milk and other groceries in the nearby mall. We got to create our own plot and start planting vegetables and paddy :)

Deepa : The more I thought of it, the more I realized what a beautiful world its going to be.

Imagine, Gilsu or zeno on bicycles with their gals perched on the front bar. The ladies' hair swaying into their faces with the breeze. Our two heros can throw in some of those romantic songs they keep posting on facebook! I kid you not, the biggest stumbling block in the dating scene these days is the fuel cost. No petrol, we gals dont expect long drives, no bike rides, just simple (cost effective) walks in the parks and watching the sunset by the beaches.

Fresh food everywhere. (Food is a touchy subject for me)! No dreaming of Alphonso mangoes in
Hyderabad, and Banganpalli in Mumbai, or both of these in America. You'd appreciate what you
get locally and learn something we all have completely forgotten these days- 'Contentment'.

I do trust my species to come up with some alternative, if we are pushed to the corner (in fact we already are) . People would look for non-conventional sources of energy. Mr. Tesla may find fame anew (purely my guess). Which would be nice, because, all countries could strive to be self-sufficient, and there would be level playing fields. Uncle Sam would no longer be interested in watching over the ever fighting middle-eastern brethren, and no more of the completely useless gang wars. Everyone would mind their own businesses. Imagine the amount of tax-payer's money freed to be used for good cause. Not that we would stop fighting, 'coz we can fight over something as stupid as river water, but just one BIG issue less!

J : Somehow I visualize a world without oil very differently from the idyllic picture that you paint (have you forgotten Etah?). I imagine a world like some science fiction movie where people will zip in small one-person electric cars and maybe satellite pictures of earth will not have the standard blue and green look but a lot of black on land as the world will be covered in solar panels. And lots of white in the seas as there will huge wind farms - maybe Ramamrithams of the world will mandate that they have to be blue so that google earth's pictures still look pretty. Rajalakshmi will still ride her bike but she will also carry with her a small generator to convert all her cycling into power - not far fetched since a gym in Portland is actually doing it to their exercise machines.

Ambulisamma : All the NRI's would return back,including self and if sensus happens properly India might overtake China. If you consider India it should not be a big problem,we can find alternatives. But think about Gulf and US,the world without petrol will be terrible for them.

Venkatraman : No oil because a barrel of crude oil is $100 today? Come on. We will be buying even if it goes up to $1000 or more. In the early sixties I was filling up the tank at 65 paise a liter. Today it is Rs.65 and more. Who cares? There are cars on the road more than hundred times now than it was immediately after the Second World War. If you stop oil and it uses; what will happen to the followers of all the IPL matches and tamasha. No Cheer Leaders or Sundaries? Don't be cruel. Many of the IPL followers will resort to other entertainments ! Consequences will be disastrous

Reflections : I have full confidence in our own kind....if and when we are reduced to tht state u can be assured tht the human brain will ceaselessly work[36 hrs a day] and come up with something even better than oil...wht is tht saying....aaaah yes 'Necessity is the blah blah ;-D

Dot Com Bubble II

2011-05-14T07:51:00.000+05:30

I am a dinsosaur. I freely admit it. In the heady days of Dot Com Bubble I, it was often said that old foggies didn't "get it", when they stared open mouthed at insane valuations. A decade after that, I still don't "get it". Can somebody explain to me the valuation of $ 8.5 bn for Skype, which Microsoft announced buying a couple of days back.

Skype still makes no money after being around for a fair bit now. Make no mistake; its an excellent product - I am an unadulterated fan and user of Skype. Its just that most users, and there are millions of them, use it for free and don't spend a nickel. Skype doesn't make a profit and there's nothing in sight as to how they might make one. A year and a half ago, Skype was sold for less than $ 3bn - what has happened in a year to almost triple that valuation ??

Or take Linked In - a so called business networking site that I abhor. At least it turns a profit. But its turnover is in the low millions. It has just filed for an IPO for a reputed valuation of some $ 3 bn. When you see sales multiples in the region of 10, you ought to do a double take.

The Skype acquisition has every hallmark of the lashings of an alpha male who has been deposed. The most charitable description of Microsoft is that it has lost its mojo. Nothing like a headline grabbing acuisition to try and rediscover it. Especially since it has tons of cash and doesn't know what to do with it.

Couple all this with the atics of Chinese intenet companies that are in unseemly haste to list in the US. And the jaw dropping valuation of Facebook which I have alluded to before here. It appears Dot Com Bubble II is truly well and underway.

The voice of an angel

2011-05-08T09:54:00.000+05:30

Nature chooses to bless some people in an out of worldly way. It gives a gift so rare and so amazing that other mere mortals can only watch in awe and wonderment. One such recipient of nature's blessing is Sissel - the gift of the voice of an angel.

This blogger is usually tone deaf and musical sensibilities do not invade his rather dour exterior. But occasionally he breaks out into a song , metaphorically that is, like he did here. Today is another such day, a tribute to the amazing voice of Sissel.

Sissel is a Norwegian soprano, who isn't as well known or as classically feted as many others. She is somewhat like Andre Rieu, the subject of the other post referred to earlier. She tends towards the T20 side of classical music rather than the purity of a Test Match. But boy; can she sing- one of the usual comments that I see in her You Tube videos is that if you close your eyes and heard her, you probably would think that you are in the presence of an angel.

One of her amazing pieces is her contribution to the sound track of Titanic. Contrary to popular belief, Titanic is not all Celine Dion. Listen to this from Sissel and tell me if you aren't haunted.

Or take this rendering of Silent Night. Gave me goose pimples.

Whatever may be his musical sensibilities, this blogger is a sports nut. In football a self confessed long time supporter of Liverpool. One of his cherished memories is his visit to Anfield, the home of Liverpool FC and swinging and swaying on the Kop belting out Liverpool's anthem - You'll never walk alone. There are many famous singers who have sung this song. And then there's Sissel. Her rendition of this is on a different plane altogether.

Even if this is not your genre, listen to her. She is Something, with a capital S.

Sox and smelly feet

2011-05-05T07:31:00.001+05:30

Remember the Sarbanes Oxley Act ? The one that was promulgated in the aftermath of Enron. This was supposed to ensure that accounting scandals are greatly minimised. The Act that had every business chief howling that it was draconian , that compliance was putting a huge cost on business, etc etc. Well, it turns out that investors, whom the Act was supposed to protect, actually don't care all that much about accounting scandals.

Take the case of the "success" of many of the Chinese IPOs in the US market. In the fine print , most of them have disclosed accounting deficiencies. But does the market care ?? Not one bit. Take Renren which IPOed yesterday. The stock rose some 50% above the issue price. Never mind that the Chair of the Audit Committee resigned on Tuesday, they changed a key growth figure, they disclosed a "material weakness" that they did not have enough people in their accounts department and a "significant deficiency" that they had no policy on the treasury function and investment of cash.

Material weakness and accounting deficiency are Ramamritham speak. The former means the accounts are definitely wrong. The latter means that it is most probably wrong.

And yet investors seem to care two hoots. These days anything with a China name will sell like crazy. Even if they presented their accounts in Chinese and qualified it by saying that they just made it up to satisfy a legal formality.

Even the famed General Motors IPO showed a material weakness in the accounts. Didn't come in the way of its much touted success.

I am sure that the Public Companies Accounting Oversight Board ( what other name can you expect Ramamritham to dream of), that was supposed to regulate auditors under the Sarbanes Oxley Act has done enough research to prove that disclosures of accounting weaknesses have had a positive correlation to the share price and therefore they should be considered as having done great benevolence to the human race. It is probably true - the research finding that is. But as long as cases like Renren exist, its hard to take Sarbanes Oxley seriously.

Sure Sox, does reveal smelly feet. But if gorgeous blondes find smelly feet sexy, there's not much that can be done about it.

Disclosure : This blogger has made merry with the aforesaid Act; making a fair bit of money for his company from it. His opinions are therefore completely biased.

Material Weakness : This post is utterly without research, written on a whim and totally opinionated.

Watch out; Big Brother is watching

2011-05-01T11:29:00.001+05:30

Readers of the blog are perhaps too young to have read George Orwell's 1984. Its a fictional novel about a totalitarian future state where every individual is completely monitored and controlled. In fact the term Big Brother, originated in this novel. Well, here's news for you. Big Brother has indeed arrived - just 27 years late.

If you hadn't heard, both Apple and Google are accused of recording and monitoring cellphone locations. Since none of us would move 4 inches from our cellphone henceforth in our lives, surely BB knows where we are and what we are doing. Privacy advocates are up in arms.

I come from a different point of view. Is Google and Apple mad enough to want to be tracking my colourful life. That I leave for office exactly at 8.04 in the morning. That I spend the whole day like an idiot in the office. And that I come straight back home. And then go nowhere else. Leading a totally colourless life. Earth shattering information.

Take Gils for instance. We don't need Big Brother to tell us that he spends 2 hours one way commuting to his office and that on weekends he is seen at Devikala watching the latest Tamil flick. In between, he is never more than 2 metres from his mother - constantly nagging her for treats from the kitchen. Or take Hopfrog. That he is cooling his heels at home waiting for the snows to melt after which he can be seen somewhere on the PCT - he has very helpfully posted a map of his thru hike route.

No, I cannot allow the geeks at Apple and Google discover my highly exciting life. I am therefore going on a drive in a random direction for an hour - I can imagine BB, puzzling as to what I am upto now. I shall also switch off the mobile now and then to fool them into believing that I am catching flights regularly. I shall download some app or the other than will confuse BB into believing that I am actually located in Ougadougou - if you are wondering where that is, its in Burkina Faso. I shall also pass by some many starred hotels and stand outside the gate, so that BB believes I am fine dining with a gorgeous member of the female species. When Akon lands in town, as he did a week or so ago, I shall lend my phone to a much tattooed, ear pierced, red streaky haired individual of indeterminate sex so that BB thinks I am cool going to such events.

Cut to Steve Jobs and Larry Page, They are presiding over an emergency Board Meeting, convened to debate on what I am upto. Why am I leading such a breathtaking life, when they themselves are not. Their own cell phone tracking is showing that they spend 14 hours at the office and 10 hours at home. How can I be having such fun. How do I manage to be in Ougadougou and in Marathahalli on the same day. The mystery has to be solved.

Expecting to met an emissary of BB quite soon. Meanwhile I'm off to Toscano, to lunch with a Prince - I can imagine BB scratching its head wondering what a teetotaler is doing in a wine bar ?

Vanity thy name is Chinese internet company

2011-04-30T09:40:00.000+05:30

Why does a Chinese internet company wish to get listed in the US ? I can't fathom the logic. Hence this post.

The Chinese internet landscape is a strange one. Almost every one of the global majors is blocked. Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, Blogger, you name it and it is blocked. Instead there is a carbon copy of each one of them locally in Chinese. For Google, read Baidu. For Facebook, read Renren, for YouTube read Youku or Tudou, for Twitter read Sina Weibo or the dozens of similar clones. These are the ones that are wildly popular, having millions of users, only in Chinese and therefore almost exclusively used by Chinese. Never mind that these are all censored , watched, bullied, etc etc by the jīndùn gōngchéng (The Great Firewall). This post is not about that cursed censorship.

These sites are all by entrepreneur led start up companies , similar to the American originals. And they all want to list and make huge money. Fair enough. But they seem to want to list in the US. Qihoo 360 (an antivirus company) and 21 Vianet (a hosting service provider), recently listed. Renren is next on line. As is Tudou. Why O Why ?

Its fair that you want to list in the market which can give you the highest IPO price. These days valuation of a company rarely depends on where it is listed. You want to list in the market that is most liquid. The Nasdaq is the most liquid market for such companies in the world. But for the size of these companies, there is enough liquidity in virtually any major market. You would list in a place where your major customers are (the reason why Indian software companies are all listed in the US), as this is a significant weapon in a sales pitch. But none of these Chinese companies are targeting the US - Americans are not going to learn Chinese in a hurry.

Consider the downsides. You fall into the dreaded ambit of the Sarbanes Oxley Act, although that tiger is looking rather old and the canine is decaying. You need corporate governance standards that are going to be a real challenge to meet for Chinese companies. You open yourself to requirements of transparency that sit uncomfortably in China. The possibility of getting sued always exists - Renren hasn't even listed and already noise is being created that the prospectus is misleading.

There is the obvious alternative for these companies - Hong Kong. Highly liquid market, excellent valuations to be got, internationally respected, but without the major downsides such as the Sarbanes Oxley Act. And they can speak Chinese in Hong Kong, although the mainlanders scorn at the Hong Kongese attempts at Mandarin.

All this is of course well known to the entrepreneurs - they are brilliant businessmen after all. So why do they then plunge into the US market. I think the answer is Vanity. Perhaps their own as well as the vanity of the Chinese government which would like to quote large numbers of Chinese companies being listed in the US. Vanity stroked by greedy investment bankers, is probably the cause of this bull rush. Its a dangerous substance to introduce into the jungle of business. But then, its always been there and perhaps always will be. After all, businessmen are human beings first.

With due apologies to Shakespeare for plagiarising the title of this post. Although he wrote in Hamlet , Frailty, thy name is woman, in popular usage Vanity is often the attributed womanly quality in the quote. As a parting jab at the multitude (?) of incredibly beautiful women who throng this space :) perhaps that juxtaposition is not entirely misplaced ! I am taking cover !!

Taxing Times

2011-04-24T11:46:00.001+05:30

The season for tax returns is just over in the US. Its just beginning in India. Appropriate time to rave and rant on the nonsensically complex process of making out a tax return. No, I am not a tea party activist (I drink coffee and in any case, I wouldn't be seen dead with that rabble). I am just venting steam ahead of having to sit down and do the damned thing. Thankfully I only have to do an Indian tax return, but that is torture enough.

Everybody knows that the famed Ramamritham absolutely loves Income Tax. Great opportunity for framing fiendish rules and impossibly complicated forms to fill. Just consider the following evidence.

The first problem is to decide what form to fill. There are no less than 8 different forms you can fill. It all depends on whether you are a HUF or a BOI or a AOP. What if you can't figure out what those are and if you figure you are just a human being ??? Not sure - In Ramamritham's lexicon, normal human beings don't exist.

With delicious irony, he has designed a from called Saral for dullheads like you and me (OK OK, just me). Saral in Hindi means easy. Never mind that the form appears to be intelligible only to a rocket scientist. When somebody pointed out this irony to him, he promptly renamed it Sahaj, which is just a complicated form of the same thing - simple !!

Of course the normal calendar is just too "saral". So came the innovation of April to March. For that we have to thank Sir Humphrey Appleby, forerunner and idol to Ramamritham. Something as simple as a calendar year is of course anathema to these venerable gentlemen.

He expects you to fill the return for something called "the previous year to the assessment year". So the assessment year is supposed to be the next year into the future so that you can file the return for the previous year !! I am now supposed to file the return for assessment year 2011-12, declaring income for the previous year 2010-11, corresponding to my financial year which is also 2010-11. Whoever dreamed of this concept deserves the highest accolade of Ramamrithamology.

As for the Form itself, I defy any sane human being (Chartered Accountants are not classified as sane! ) to be able to fill even one item. Other than the question, are you male or female, that is. Take this one for example.

"Long- term capital gain where proviso under section 112(1) is applicable (Without Indexation)-Code in SI Schedule is 22, Tax Rate is 10% ;Enter only positive value from Item B4c of Schedule CG AFTER loss adjustment under this category in Schedule CYLA and BFLA, if any. "

One of the fundamental principles of any legal system anywhere in the world is Ignorantia juris non excusat (Ignorance of law is no excuse). Somebody should file a case saying this principle has been breached by the Indian tax law - surely human brains haven't evolved to the point where they can begin to understand the Income Tax Form.

Lights, Camera, Action

2011-04-17T09:12:00.001+05:30

This post is about a movie ! It takes some gall for a blogger who knows zilch about movies and doesn't see them, to do a post on something his readers are masters of. But that's the beauty of this medium - you can fearlessly propound on things you don't have a clue about.

I am told actors are key to movies ! This one stars a legend as a hero. Across continents, this man is reputed to be with the midas touch - anything he touches turns into gold. There are assorted villains, but the beauty of the movie is that you often don't know who the real villain is. There is a faceless foreign government, who everybody loves to bash these days (not America - in movies, America is all mom and apple pie). The only slight trouble is that there isn't a very pretty heroine. There is a lady actress who comes roaring to defend the hero , but alas, she will not set Zeno's heart go flutter flutter and her role casts her as a Minister. She does manage to be exotic though, speaking in French.

The song and dance sequences are a bit metaphorical. There is a lot of song and dance made, but there isn't actual singing and dancing - if you know what I mean. I am told that song and dance sequences are strictly the preserve of Indian movies and this being a foreign movie, its absence is apparently pardonable.

Being a foreign movie, it has to have a story , I believe. I am reliably informed that such a condition is not an absolute necessity for an Indian movie. Anyway this one has a great story full of twists and turns. Enter the successful hero, who is already a legend. He has vanquished villains as far away as Japan, until even the Japanese have embraced him as one of their own. He now makes a bold plan to revolutionalise the world with a great invention.

Now come the villains. A foreign government, known to copy everything, is trying to steal his invention. Three of his associates are apparently tempted by spies from this government to sell their secret. They are caught, and executed melodramatically, even though they loudly protest their innocence. Cut to the heroine. She comes riding on her white steed, sabre rattling to this foreign government. She wishes to slay the dragon to save her hero. The foreign government scares her off threatening dire consequences if she rode any further. She retreats after a memorable dialogue sequence about economic warfare.

The hero now has some doubts if he has acted heroically. After all the three were honourable men. Could they have let him down like that ?? He starts to have self doubts. He retreats back with that constipated look on his face (a look made popular by those who act in Indian TV soaps). Then it is established that the three might not have been guilty after all. It looks like it might be curtains up for the hero. But then his two trusted aides fall on their sword and sacrifice themselves for the hero. The hero is saved after all. The movie ends rather abruptly - surely the producer has left enough hints that there is to be a sequel.

I felt the movie direction left a little to be desired. An expert such as Gils would have done a better job of it. Cinematography could also have been improved if they had hired RamMmm. Still it's a good movie to watch on a lazy Sunday.

The movie is called Renault. You can read a better version of the movie plot here.

The morality of pay

2011-04-16T10:00:00.000+05:30

The Church of England has taken a line on executive pay. You may ask what has that body got to do with the world of business. Well , there is the small matter that the Church manages a £ 5.3 bn portfolio and is a shareholder in many companies. And, of course, it is a voice of morality, however much you may agree or disagree with it.

The Church of England has said that it will not vote in favour of executive pay proposals that have bonuses more than 4 times the salary. While its influence as a shareholder might be somewhat limited, its voice has the benefit of a moral argument. Just a little while ago shareholders in HSBC voted to limit bonuses to a maximum of 10 times annual pay.

Readers may pause here to consider the obvious question. Who on earth earns bonuses many times his salary ? This blogger has seen a lot in business. Outside of the financial services industry, there is virtually no place where an employee can earn 10 times his salary as a bonus. So what's so special about the financial services industry ??

What is special, is that the pay structure for bankers has remained rooted in the past. Years ago, most banking businesses, especially investment banks , were partnerships. Salary at the top tended to be very low, and bonuses were really a form of profit sharing amongst the partners, who were the owners. That's why, until not so long ago, being made a partner in Goldman Sachs was such a big thing. Now, most of these entities are corporates. Senior managers are employees, not owners and therefore have no right to profit sharing. But the old pay structure remained and its entirely the fault of the shareholders that they let it continue.

Its a completely specious argument that such stratospheric pay is a reward for talent and performance and if they don't pay such amounts, talent will go elsewhere. The market for top talent is highly imperfect and is not ruled by price alone. And beyond a certain point Maslow's theory kicks in - there isn't that much of a difference between $25m and $ 30m, although mathematically one is 20% higher than the other. And come to think of it, a little less talent going to finance would be a good thing - some plodders would bring sanity into that insane world of risk taking.

This blogger is of the view that the Church of England is absolutely right in taking the stance it has done. And other shareholders would be wise to follow suit.

Driving in the fast lane

2011-04-10T10:51:00.000+05:30

Do you drive on the left of the road or the right of the road in India ?? Its not as stupid a question as it seems. Most of the British Commonwealth drives on the left of the road. India, being an honourable member of the Commonwealth, ostensibly follows the British tradition and drives on the left. But as with many things about India, its not all that simple.

One of the axioms of Indian roads is that however wide they may be and however many lanes may be designed, traffic flows only in one lane on either side. This is the right hand most lane. The other lanes to the left, if they exist, are used in a multitude of creative ways. So you basically drive on the right and try and find an opening on the left to overtake. That makes you a right hand drive country, right ? Confusing ??

You see, the problem is that only the righthand most lane is open for driving continuously. That is where the truck laden with 24 tons of precariously balanced stuff, the autorickshaw (tuk tuk to some) and the bullock cart , all ambling at a stately 20 kmph admiring the scenery, monopolise. So if you want to drive in the fast lane, you keep darting to the left.

The left has its own story to tell. Firstly, about 30% of the space is encroached by street vendors, who are hawking every imaginable type of stuff. A further 20% is encroached by the Rajalakshmi who is buying the stuff (if she waves her arms as she is wont to do, then an additional 10% goes). Then there is the Ramamritham, who has brought the aforesaid female in his car and who has parked it right in front of the street vendor (Parking is my birthright and I shall have it - with due apologies to Tilak). In any case parking even 50 mtrs further on and walking is anathema to Rajalakshmi - regular readers of this blog are familiar with her dimensions which make this act a physical impossibility)

Further on, occupying the next 30% of the road are the7000 people waiting to catch a bus. Now anybody who has ever caught a bus knows that you better your chances by standing right in front of competition (queuing is a peculiarly British trait that was not bequeathed to the colonies). Therefore you get the picture of 7000 people each trying to be in front of the other. Ahead of them is the bus itself parked at an angle of 90 degrees to the road, so that he can make a quick getaway and overtake his buddy in front,

The next 30 % of the fast lane is blocked by a big SUV coming on the wrong side of the road with his headlights full beam on. It is accepted wisdom that if you drive on the wrong side of the road with your headlights on, you are OK , whereas if your lights are off, you are committing a cardinal sin. What he is trying to do is save an additional 2 yards to the next U turn - our SUV drivers are very conscious about petrol conservation.

A further 25% is commando territory. That is the domain of the 2 wheelers, who insist that driving in a straight line is an insult to their manhood (or increasingly to their womanhood). This is the fat mama, with even fatter mami behind, a kid in front, a kid wedged between the two, helmet hooked in his hand (he wouldn't wear it in case it messed up his hairdo), and doing spurts and bends which would make Valentino Rossi proud. No sane driver with aspirations to the fast lane would mess with this crowd.

A futher 15% is at the mercy of the big car who wants to turn right, but can't be bothered to wait in the right lane. So he waltzes up the left in order to pass the idiots who are waiting on the right. Of course he is not the only one with the idea, so the next guy passes even more to the left. And so on and so on.

Discerning readers would have noticed by now that it all adds up to more than 100%. That's because, both space and time, are rather flexible in India.

It is also important to remove misconceptions about Indian roads that exist in foreign lands. No, elephants do not roam the streets ( as long as you are not uncharitable to Rajalakshmi). There are no monkeys either (be kind to the two wheeler hero). Neither are there buffaloes (the lumbering truck is not a buffalo). Its all a question of right or left.

Now tell me, do Indians drive on the left of the road ? Or the right ?

Indian Standard Time

2011-04-08T07:19:00.000+05:30

No society understands the theory of relativity better than India - At least those elements of the theory of time. That time is not absolute , but is indeed relative. That's why the concept of Indian Standard Time is commonly used to explain the Indian's mastery of this subject.

That strange introduction is meant to draw attention to the Cairn Vedanta deal, which is again held up by government indecisiveness. Cairn Energy, a UK listed company wants to sell its 62% stake in Cairn India to Vedanta. The balance shares are held by the state owned ONGC. Some time ago Cairn had signed an agreement whereby it need not pay any royalties out of the oil drilled - instead ONGC would pay the royalties. Now ONGC wants to renegotiate this contract as a precondition to a government approval of the sale of Cairn's stake to Vedanta.

This post is not to discuss the merits of ONGC's stand. But one of the unintended consequences of the 2G scam is that nobody in the government is now brave enough to take any decision, lest he be accused of corruption. The easiest way now is to get as many expert opinions, have joint committees, etc etc and simply not take any decision .

The Cairn Vedanta deal has been going for some 8 months now.The shareholders approval for the deal had a deadline of April 15 for completion. Two days ago the government has deferred the decision on approval to a "ministerial panel", which is yet to be formed. The saga goes on.

Time is a precious commodity in business. The government is well within its right to reject the deal. Or approve it. But decide, it must, one way or the other. The fear of scandal cannot paralyse it into inaction. Speed of decision making is not mutually exclusive with good governance. There is an example inside India itself to follow. Gujarat offers the role model. The state decides, and decides fast. There is no dithering. The results of its action is there for all to see. There isn't much whiff of scandal and the extent of progress is Chinaesque.

The Apple of my eye

2011-04-06T17:44:00.000+05:30

Today's post is a guest post I made in Preeti's blog. Preeti is a famous blogger, writer of two books, artist and a very nice and warm person. She was very kind to invite me to write a piece in her blog and who can resist the ask of a pretty and intelligent lady !

The post is here.

Hail the leader

2011-04-03T09:24:00.001+05:30

If you wanted to understand leadership, you couldn't have done better than to be glued to the TV screens in India yesterday. It was the final of the Cricket World Cup, it was played in Mumbai and India won, setting off a celebration, the likes of which is unlikely to be seen anywhere in the world - not even if and when Brazil wins the football World Cup in Rio.

This post is not about the victory , but about the leadership of the captain MS Dhoni. They say leaders are born and not made and he seems to be a perfect example of that cliche. Early on in his career, some brilliant selector spotted his leadership skills and elevated him as the captain of the country. And today he has pulled perennially underachieving India to the top of the world cricket. Indian teams have been as talented before, but the deadly element in the mix now is a leader.

Just look at the calmness on the field even when things are going disastrously wrong. With that steely calmness, he gets everybody to claw their way out of the hole. There is never a display of anger, never a dressing down of somebody who isn't performing, rarely the drooping of the shoulder when defeat seems to be looming large.

Leaders have to be incredibly bold. The team selection he did yesterday was bold, even with the benefit of hindsight that his pick was wrong. But he'll probably never make a bolder decision than when India was tottering at 114 for 3 chasing 275 and he promotes himself and walks in to a pressure cooker situation. His form with the bat hadn't been good lately and the conventional thing to do would have been to drop himself down the order and play safe. But in he walks, takes the pressure on his shoulders as a leader should and the rest is history. Even if he had failed, it would have been unparalleled as an act of incredible boldness as a leader.

But to me, the final proof of greatness as a leader was after the game. Did you notice that as every player was celebrating wildly , doing victory lap after victory lap, Dhoni wasn't to be seen much. He received the cup, gave it to his teammates to parade it around and simply disappeared. Now that is a truly great leader. Let the team rightfully receive and soak in the adulation. His own joy was simply knowing that it was his leadership that made the difference.

A truly class act.

Water Water everywhere ......

2011-04-01T07:18:00.000+05:30

........ Nor any drop to drink, goes The Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Coleridge. He could very well be describing the labour situation in India. It seems to be one of perennial shortage. How can this be ?

After all, India is a land of 1.2 billion people. The unemployment rate is officially at 9.4 %, but we all know that the real number is much higher. This is because of seasonal employment in agriculture and unemployment outside the seasons. Underemployment is even higher - getting some job just to exist, but capable of doing much more. While India's growth is impressive in recent years, it has created nowhere near the number of new jobs required to cater to the number of people entering the job market every year. And India is a young country, not an ageing one. More and more people join the workforce each year. The unemployment situation is so acute that the government runs a hugely expensive National Rural Employment Guarantee Scheme. And yet, ask any company what their biggest problem is - finding people to work for them and then staying.

At the more skilled levels, this talent shortage is easy to understand. The education system, despite all the improvements in recent years, is woefully inadequate. So talent is in real shortage. That's why you see the scarcity of talent to fill skilled jobs. At any level of skills (I am not talking just of IT here, but plumbers, fitters, draughtsmen, etc) you can command multiple jobs. Employers chase you rather than the other way around. That is, at least, somewhat understandable.

But what about unskilled jobs - jobs that require no skill at all. Jobs like a security guard who is now ubiquitous in every building. Cleaners, maids, etc. There is a huge shortage of people even here and attrition rates are the highest in this sector (some 10-15% a month !). This foxes me.

There are some reasons for this phenomenon. The obvious one is that jobs are in urban India while most of the labour is in rural India. While there are a lot of migrant workers, it becomes increasingly a very costly option for the worker due to one simple fact - the cost of housing is simply unaffordable. Even a place in an awful slum living in appalling conditions costs a lifetime of earnings. But another more important reason in my view is the increasing unwillingness to work hard. That's why a Railway clerk position attracts a stampede of applicants, but a field salesman's job in a private company is not so attractive.

There are really only two solutions to balance the demand supply equation. The first is education. On a massive scale. About 10 times the level at which it is today. This is a job for both government and private industry. And secondly to take jobs away from urban into rural areas. The only sector that can do this on scale is manufacturing. A huge lobby, fueled by misguided NGOs, is blocking this by resisting every land transfer from agriculture to industry.

Meanwhile, in this land of 1.2 billion people, we still can't find enough workers to man our jobs.

The titanic struggle

2011-03-27T19:47:00.007+05:30

This blogger is extremely bleary eyed and prickly these days. Nocturnal slumber is not coming easy. No, we are not afflicted with the weighty travails of modern business ; we are letting younger and more energetic men and women shoulder such onerous responsibilities. (Notice the royal "we" ; high praise by this blogger in the last post has completely gone into the head ! ) No affliction of the body either. And yet, repose eludes. The villain is a certain creature that God created to inflict misery on man.

When confronted with this creature, pressing matters of the business world fly out of the window. Affairs of the state be damned. All concentration is on the futile act of achieving extermination of this malevolent species. This blog therefore takes a holiday from business until this emergency can be tackled.

You see, the business world has already got well into the class warfare of man against this torturer. First came coils that emitted smoke, which presumably the creature did not like. But smoky bedrooms, however romantic, do not necessarily aid slumber. So the industry graduated to mats which you heat on a contraption they provide. This apparently fooled the creature into believing you are not there. For a time this worked. But then Rajalakshmi - she of the gargantuan proportions - cannot easily fool somebody into believing that she does not exist. Meanwhile the businessmen moved on to "more improved", "new" and "revolutionary" products. You see they like to dilute everything with water if they can. So they started selling liquids that could also be heated on a special contraption and could drive away the menace. You can get them lavender scented, pine scented, lemon fresh, strawberry coloured etc etc. They might be very attractive to human sensibilities, but the blasted creature is least intimidated and merrily continues to torture unsuspecting human beings.

Experienced hands know that there are two types. There is the silent operator who you don't discover until an unbearable itch signals that the enemy has come and gone. Then there is the other type who has musical tendencies and decides to give you a full rendition of the octave. While music is always welcome, its not so pleasant in the hours when the body is weary, especially if such music is rendered two inches from your nose. Both are now merrily eluding all of human invention designed to keep them at bay. So what do I do ?

I've been through the entire gamut of solids and liquids, but my resident enemy simply laughs them away. Some creams and potions have also been prescribed, but other than a repulsive smell , do little good (discerning readers may note that all cream and potions, of whatever variety and sold for whatever reason to the gullible female of the species, achieve precisely the same result !) Sympathisers have assured me that in summer, these creatures vanish ; but then its rather hot in Bangalore these days and the taps have gone dry and yet our tormentor seems to be alive and kicking.

Advanced experts have prescribed body armour (otherwise called the net) as the only foolproof solution. But then the enemy wishes to join inside the armour. If you look rather closely, you might notice an unathletic man trying to contort himself into the body armour without allowing the oppressor in ; and failing spectacularly !

A kindly soul has attempted to comfort me that the singular attraction the scoundrel seems to have for me is simply because I'm "sweet"! While that did wonders for the soul, it does precious little for the body. The suffering continues.

I call upon the youth of the world to unite. Onwards to battle stations. To a war, even more important than Afghanistan, although both share the same trouble of being unwinnable. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills, we shall never surrender (with due apologies to Winston Churchill) !

Tag is what you make it

2011-03-20T09:32:00.004+05:30

Something is happening in the blogworld. The female species which loves to start tags asking such earth shattering questions as "What are you wearing" seems to have vanished. No tags have been floating around for a year or so now - presumably the undying curiosity as to what you are wearing has been satiated. The holiday has now been broken by a tag from the star blogger cum author cum artist Preeti in this post of hers. No choice but to pick it up and as usual twist it to suit an allegedly business blog.

The rules , I am obliged to post, are

The tag has three parts..Movies,Music, Books/ Authors
Write a movie, book and author with each alphabet of your first name. The book, movie or song should be one that you really liked. If you say why it matters to you, it would be great! We will all discover new songs, movies and books this way.
Tag as many people as there are letters in your name. (if your name has 4 letters, you have to tag 4 people and so on)
Mention that the tag originated here and link back to this post :-)
Copy paste these rules :)

Here goes. (sorry Preeti there's no way I can manage the alphabets of my name, but at least there are 6 choices each). All choices are from the 1900s, in keeping with my "image"!!

Movies :

In the business world, movies are the ads - there's a famous definition that every advertising type is a failed movie maker ! Here are six ads that came to mind (no apologies for the retro feel !)

1. Liril : The ad that came in the late seventies is probably the best ad of all time in India. It simply took the country by storm, when it hit the air. The ad was so successful that Levers paid Karen Lunel not to model ever for any other brand - she'll forever be the Liril girl. Remember, those days there wasn't much TV and the ad was aired in movie halls. It has reputedly been seen more times than Sholay !! See the ad here

2. Rasna : If you are from a certain generation, Ankita Jhaveri was a household name. I love you Rasna, or atleast, everybody loved Ankita. Ad's here.

3. Lalitaji : Never liked this ad, but it sold a million cases of washing powder. The lady in the ad, I'd run a million miles from. This is the ad.

4. Amul : Not a TV ad, but this series of hoardings has been going on for some 35 years. Brilliant and everybody in India has seen them. All the gems can be seen here.

5. Apple's 1984 : The ad that launched the Mac in 1984. One of the all time great ads. Watch it here.

6. Ericsson : An old Ericsson mobile phone ad that was the rage at that time. Shows how you can hook a viewer even in 30 seconds. See it here.

Music :

There are some ad jingles that stay in your mind for years. Here are a few of them.

1. British Airways : The jingle that was from Yanni's Aria. Listen to the ad here. Brilliant tune that helped set one of the greatest commercials of all time. To see the whole rendition of the Aria by Yanni click here. - it is beautiful music.

2. Close Up - The incredible jingle by Walter Navarro - come a little closer baby , smile for me. It was used on the radio in India in the 70s - has me humming it even now. Don't miss this song here.

3. Nirma : The jingle that pitted a David (Nirma) against the Goliath (Levers). The jingle was mainly on the radio those days, but ran as the music for Nirma ads for 20 years. Its here.

4. Gold Spot : Very catchy jingle. See the ad and hear the jingle it here.

5. Nescafe : Come Alive Come Alive Come alive with Nescafe. I can hum the jingle even now , but I simply can't find it anywhere on the Net. A radio jingle from the 70s or early 80s I think.

6. Benazir Bhutto : The famous zong, teer bijan, is actually a commercial made by the Pakistan People's Party for the 1988 elections. Great song. The video is eminently forgettable but the song is brilliant . Watch it here.

Books :

Business books are usually boring pedantic stuff and entirely unreadable. They are usually bought to be displayed, but rarely read. There are a few however that are very nice and that I have actually read ! Six of them are

1. Parkinson's Law : Absolutely brilliant. Small book of only 100 odd pages written long long ago. Incredibly humorous and a must read.

2. Barbarians at the Gate : The story of the 1980s takeover of RJR Nabisco. Told like a fiction novel. You can't put this book down.

3. Punjabi Saga : The trilogy that Prakash Tandon, the first Indian Chairman of Levers wrote. Its an autobiography, but is a fascinating insight into Punjabi Society as well as business. Beautiful book , especially for anybody who has worked in Levers.

4. Who moved my cheese : Again a short slim book that powerfully brought home the message about change.

5. In Search of Excellence : An all time classic by Tom Peters.

6. Control your destiny or someone else will : The unofficial GE leadership handbook that's based on Jack Welch.

In keeping with my usual practice, I won;t tage anybody by name, but all you folks out there - Gils. Zeno, Sandhya, RamMmm, Vishal, Hema, AJCL, ..... , pick it up if you want to. If you do, go to Preeti's post to pick up the true tag - not the improvisation I have done here.

Phew. That took a lot of doing. Blessed with a short name, it was still difficult. Imagine the plight of somebody named Ramasubramaniahariharasubramaniathathachariar !!

Need a strong cuppa ......

Beware bloggers; Ramamritham is after you

2011-03-13T10:05:00.007+05:30

Readers of this blog are familiar with the mythical Ramamritham - the ubiquitous bureaucrat who frames awful rules and procedures. You can refresh your familiarity with this character here . Frequently this pest merely frames irritating rules that makes lives miserable, but rarely does he do direct harm. But this time he has outdone himself with his mischief and and is now proving to be a real menace. I am referring to the amendments he has proposed to the Indian IT Act, blandly named as the Draft Rule under Section 79 (nobody accused Ramamritham of possessing imagination)

Strip away the legalese and the implications are this

the government can shut down any website, including blogs, for the vaguest of reasons
Bloggers are responsible to censor reader comments ; if somebody comments inappropriately, its the blogger's problem
Intermediaries have to do due diligence on all user material. So presumably the ISP should shut you off if you show your finger to Ramamritham
Only an idiot will open a cyber cafe - the risks are simply not worth it.

Government censorship of the Internet is a worldwide problem. Regimes are struggling with how to tame the beast which they seldom understand. The ubiquity and speed of the net is something that is deeply unsettling. Hence this problem of censorship, which is creeping all over the world.

India's justification with censorship of the net started with terrorism. Because terrorists use the internet, it has to be policed, went the logic. It then extended to pornography. Clothed under such "laudable" aims, Ramamritham, in his trademark style has completely gone overboard. Consider the rules he is framing for cybercafes for example.

A cyber cafe has to obtain a special license (neta babu raj is back)
He must keep a hard and soft copy of log of all users in a prescribed format and must submit monthly returns to the licensing agency of all the websites that each user went to !!!
Partitions in the cafe cannot exceed 4.5 feet in height (presumably so that Ramamritham can peer and see if the user is looking at dirty pictures)
All screens of computers shall face outwards; so that they can be easily seen by others
Police inspectors are authorised to come and inspect whether these rules are being followed (we all know what that means in India)

I haven't made all these up - these are in the Draft Rules. If you don't believe me you can read the bland document here. No wonder you rarely see any reasonable standard internet cafe in India.

The real danger to bloggers is this - if you offend the powers that be, they now have the legal right to hound you. Its no good to say that these powers are meant to be used only to block terrorism or incitement to hatred. The fact that these powers exist means that they will be misused. The history of Ramamritham indicates that he cannot resist using a power he has.

The right way in a democracy to stop this is to lobby your elected representative so that the bill is defeated in the parliament. Fat chance. Imagine a reasoned debate between Mulayam Singh Yadav and Azhagiri on the need to protect individual liberty. So we can only, but moan, in forums such as these.

I though I had returned back from China. Evidently, I haven't. Perhaps the only really "safe" place to go is to that blessed land where the First Amendment is guarded with unbelievable diligence and vigour. Meanwhile, dear readers, do me a favour. Please preface every comment of yours with " The Government of India is next only to God; Hail Ramamritham ; More power to him ". You'll help keep me out of jail. Thank you !

PS - For a more reasoned and less frivolous reporting of the issue go here and here
PPS - Disclaimer - Ramamritham is entirely mythical and any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely accidental !

The farewell

2011-03-05T09:32:00.004+05:30

It was his D Day. The day when he was to retire from his company. Precisely 25 years ago he had joined as a wide eyed young boy, to become a salesman. Coincidentally, on his first day in office, there was a farewell for a retiring colleague that day. There was a huge crowd. Speaker after speaker came up and extolled the virtues of the retiring man. A huge gift was presented. Many photos were taken. A few tears were shed too. The young man looked on in awe. His boss to be, nudged him and said, "Remember this young man; when its your time to retire from the company you should have done well enough to deserve a function like this ".

The young man started in all earnest the next day. He worked hard and learnt fast.Some days were good; others bad. He traveled many a kilometer, slept in many a strange bed, sold a million cases. The years flew by. After a decade or so he was promoted as a supervisor. He was proud as a parrot that he got promoted. He worked even harder. Nurtured dozens of young men who started out, just like he had , years ago. More years flew by. And suddenly, one fine day, he realised he had turned fifty. And had just completed 25 years in the company.

On that birthday, his wife nagged him to take a day's leave. So at home he stayed. That's why when the postman came, he was there to receive the letter in person. The letter from the company that said that , being fifty, he was being offered Voluntary Retirement. Could he please accept it and come to the office on the 31st of that month so that they could give him a farewell.

What choice did he have ? Its was a young man's world. There wasn't a place for the over 50s. He had to accept. Came that fateful day. He wended his way to the office. He remembered his first day when he had witnessed that grand farewell, all those years ago. Now, it was his turn. With a wistful sigh he went in.

Of course, nobody recognised him. Whoever recognises a sales guy from the field ? The pretty young thing at the reception made a face at this rather unsophisticated fellow who had come. When he said that he had come for his farewell, he was ushered into a room. And told to wait. The Branch Manager was busy on a call and would be late.

He waited and waited and waited. All alone. At long last, somebody came to fetch him. There were 15 people in the hall. He didn't recognise a soul. Most of the office had gone home - who was after all interested in the farewell for an old foggy, whom they had never even seen before. The Branch Manager came rushing in - he was a yuppy. MBA from somewhere. He loudly proclaimed, "Lets get this thing started. We need to finish fast as I have to get into another meeting ".

The Manager made a speech. Some 3 minutes or so. Of how the company was built by people such as the one to retire. He hadn't remembered his name. So he said - "this man". They had forgotten to get him his farewell gift. The HR type whispered in his ear - could he come after a week to collect it please. They had been very busy these days. Then came the dreaded moment. When he was invited to "say a few words".

You see , he had prepared his retirement speech very carefully. He had written and rewritten it some 10 times. Of how this was a great company. Of how he owed his entire life to the organisation. He wanted to talk about the good old days. He wanted to say why its values and caring were the reason he had stuck on for so long. He wanted to narrate the incident on his own first day. He wanted to tell the young people, how they could carry on his legacy and make the company even greater. He had even written a quote from the Gita to round off his speech.

When his moment came, however, he looked rather sadly around the room. The crowd had whittled down to 9 - a few had left to catch the bus. One was talking on the mobile; another was texting away. He folded his speech and put it back into his pocket. Instead he just thanked everybody for coming, of how much it meant to him and wished them all well. They came around to shake his hand and patted his back. Somebody thrust a cup of coffee in his hand. And in a few minutes everybody had left. He was alone in the room again.

He slowly made his way to the exit. All alone. A stoop had come to his shoulders. His thoughts were far away. His step was a tad slower, minus his customary spring. He paused for a moment at the door. A single tear dropped down on to the floor.

The itsy bitsy spider

2011-03-05T08:20:00.002+05:30

Businesses have to anticipate and plan for all sorts of eventualities. A business continuity plan for an ebola outbreak or a response to gang warfare in the Niger delta may raise an eyebrow as to the extremes businesses go. But surely, planning a national response to an itsy bitsy spider takes the cake. And yet this is precisely what Mazda is discovering it ought to have done in the US of A.

The problem is this. Apparently a common spider called yellow sac spider has taken a distinct liking for Mazda cars. Or more precisely, the rubber hoses that are connected to the fuel tank. The spiders being rather fond of a long siesta during day time, find the inside of a tube the perfect place for somnolence in the hours of light. For some reason, the Mazda car tubes seem a superior choice to a Chevy tube, for instance.This apparently can lead to pressurisation or ventilation problems and in extreme cases could also crack the gas tank. So, Mazda has a problem on its hands.

Reportedly 20 such instances of "arachnid infestation" have been reported (surely a candidate for the Nonsense English award). Enough is enough. Mazda is having to recall 65,000 vehicles in the US for an investigation as to whether an eviction of the resident yellow sac spider is required.

Accusations are flying thick and fast. Mazda says these spiders have got in at the owner's garages. Some owners (and no doubt lawyers drooling on the prospect of a class action suit) are stating that they got in at Mazda's warehouse. Dealers who have to check these vehicles are figuring out what insurance they can take for the eventuality that some technician or the other may be bitten by one irate spider not amused by its summary eviction from its house. Mazda is no doubt issuing such pearls of wisdom as "Beware of spider before opening the car".

Meanwhile researchers are having a field day. They are getting their kicks researching why this spider has taken a liking to only the V6 Mazda, And not to any other model or any other brand. Some may deduce that the spider has a great taste in choosing cars - someday Mazda might even feature an ad that its car is the favourite of not only homo sapines, but other species as well.

Meanwhile Mazda is presumably busy trying to appoint a "Chief Entomology Officer". Anybody fancies this new job, which also carries the CEO tag ???

Bernie Madoff vs Ramalinga Raju

2011-02-27T17:22:00.004+05:30

Madoff and Raju. Both guilty of gross financial impropriety. On a scale that boggles the mind. Both confessed readily to the wrong they have done. In fact both the cases came to light because the protagonist confessed to it. The heat became too much and they had virtually no choice but to come clean. But therein ends the similarity.

In the case of Madoff, the date was 10 December 2008. He was immediately arrested, but released on bail. His case came to court on 12 March 2009 wherein Madoff pleased guilty. He was sentenced on June 29 to 150 years in jail. So off he went to jail. End of story.

Raju's famous letter of confession came on 7 January 2009. After a few days of drama, he was arrested and sent to jail. But then ..... . Nothing. There is still no conviction in a court of law. In fact, there is no sign of a conviction in a court of law. The company, meanwhile, has bee n resurrected in a text book case of brilliant government and management action. They have even settled the class action suit in the US. But Raju continues to remain an undertrial.

India has an extremely dangerous tendency to "convict" a person by media and not necessarily informed public opinion. A primary construct in a society ruled by law is that a person is innocent until proven guilty. In India, its often guilty until proven innocent. That's why , in the infamous Tihar Jail, there are reportedly more undertrials than convicted criminals. Some undertrials have spent longer time in the jail than what their maximum sentence would have been if they had been convicted.

Both the investigating and judicial systems must hang their head in shame. Raju confessed to his action. He hasn't since retracted his confession or anything to that effect. The accounting fraud was quite simple and , by now, well established. Is it that difficult to bring this to trial and convict ??

Raju, is like any other citizen of the country. He deserves the right to be tried. He should be punished, but only after conviction in a court of law. The President must issue a dictat - bring Raju to trial in a week and complete the trial in a month, If you can't do it, release him and he should walk a free man.

When too much is too much

2011-02-20T16:39:00.007+05:30

Lord Leverhulme, the founder of Unilever, once said long ago - "I know half my advertising isn't working. I just don't know which half". A century later, this still holds true. Throw helluva lot of advertising and hope that something sticks. That seems to be the motto of the lot who have made watching cricket on TV these days akin to root canal surgery.

For those unacquainted with the magic game of cricket, lets just say its a sport about which the billion plus people in India, Pakistan, etc are downright crazy about. Its world cup time (never mind that only 8 or so countries really play the game) and half the nation is glued to their TV sets. The game lasts some 6 hours and you get an advertising opportunity every 2 minutes or so. You can imagine the mayhem that is inflicted on the poor cricket fan.

The game seems to be secondary. They squeeze in more and more ads in between overs such that the first ball and the last ball of the over are considered superfluous . Now they have taken to showing the game on half the screen and running an ad all around it. And to compound the sacrilege, right in the middle of an over, the pitch seems to erupt and an ad comes out of the ground. This is not a cricket world cup. This is an advertisement world cup with cricket in there as a necessary evil.

Yeah; I understand the business behind it. After all , I slogged for a long time for the company that was the largest advertiser in the world. Yes, I know money is what drives the sport. Yes, I know , without this, there won't be a cricket world cup. But .....

There is something called the consumer. The idiot who watches the ad and hopefully goes out to buy your product. Is pissing him off, by bombarding him like a moron, any sensible strategy ? Sure , two billion eyeballs are watching and getting your brand in front of them is a great thing. But then does he even notice, or does he care ? I watched the game yesterday and can't recollect more than 2 or 3 brands although I watched 367 ads ( I actually did the math). Irritatingly the same ad repeats ad nauseum and I still can't remember the brand. One diabolical ad, doesn't even say what the product is - apparently its an attempt to create a mystery by saying "coming soon". Even the brands I notice, have done nothing to stimulate me to go and buy them. So what's the deal ?

The deal is a stupidity called 'opportunities to see'. An advertising metric that measures how many people saw your blasted ad. Of course a billion see it if you air it in the cricket world cup. The advertising manager is feted for hitting the largest number of eyeballs possible (this is the exact lingo used - they care two hoots if its a human or an animal as long as they can catch an eyeball !) They only care about the eyes - the brain behind is irrelevant.

How about a little class ? Don't yell too loudly. don't say the same thing again and again. Don't hit me with your product. Don't increase the volume level when the ads come on. Don't make claims that are laughably outrageous. Don't take me for a moron who has to be stuffed. Credit me with some intelligence. How about making a great product (like the iPhone) and then gently telling me once that it might be something I might like. And leave it at that and let me watch the game.

I may be in a minority, but I would rather not watch this monstrosity aired on TV. I would rather simply read the papers next day. Or else go and see a few matches live. One thing I am sure about. I am not going to buy a product because of that dumb ad they aired.

What's in a number ?

2011-02-12T09:32:00.007+05:30

This blog has some pretense to be a serious one where matters of considerable intellectual weight are analysed and debated. Issues of significant import and with profound ramifications feature here. Adjectives such as inane, irrelevant, flippant, pea brained, etc etc ought not to be applicable. It is in this rich tradition that today's post examines one of the thorniest of problems to face humankind - why are bus routes numbered as they are in India !

For those uninitiated in the ways of public transport, especially in the south of India, here is a primer. Buses of all shapes and sizes abound. They carry numbers such as 342BE and J421K. Why are they so numbered is what I am trying to explore.

Take the road opposite my house, The route that most frequents this road is numbered 335E. There is an occasional 335 P or a 335 L or a 335 K . But, as far as I know, routes 1 to 334 do not exist anywhere in Bangalore. So why 335 ?Is it one of nature's unique constants like the pi ?? The next number after 335 appears to be 500. There is a 500C (no 500A or 500 B) . This is one puzzle I will leave for the Mensa enthusiasts to figure.

The city of Madras offers enormous potential for research in this subject. That bus route numbers can be transformed into a political statement was a fabulous discovery the citizens of this metropolis can claim credit for. You see, this city always had bus routes such as 21A, 21B, 21 C and so on. Mathematical geniuses in Chennai restricted themselves to two digits while their brethren in Bangalore preferred three. But then a certain gargantuan lady called Jayalalithaaaaa Jayaram (no relation of RamMmm) came to power. She looked around and saw that her favourite alphabet J did not feature in the lexicon of buses. She dropped a hint. The masses took it up immediately. There was a flurry of bus routes being numbered as 18J or 21J and the like. Some enthusiasts went one better 18JJ and 21JJ. Some more enterprising lot picked up J21J. It went on upto JJ21JJ - physical laws of space limitations then took over until the most enterprising of the lot came up with JJ21JJ with a cross right across it. There the matter stood until the massive lady lost power. Her rival who replaced her immediately decreed that the alphabet J's time in the sun was over. Bus No JJ21JJ cross vanished. Thankfully, his favourite alphabet K did not make an appearance. Perhaps because of the insinuation that K comes after J !

Why don't they simply number the bus routes 1,2,3 and so on. Oh no ! How can things be made so simple ? I am sure a whole department of bus numbering complete with 5321 labouring staff exists in the labyrinth of Indian bureaucracy. Staffed full of Ramamrithams, whom you might have met here. Slaving away with impenetrable logic which mere mortals cannot understand.

This writer discloses that he has some vested interest in the matter. He is regrettably a rather frequent commuter of a bus numbered BIAS6 !

Super Bowl Sunday

2011-02-06T09:04:00.006+05:30

Today is Super Bowl Sunday. All of America will come to a halt. Perfectly appropriate time to take a dig at America's favourite sport.

For those unacquainted with the sporting proclivities of that great nation, you just need to know that the sport in question is American Football. Don't need to know anything more to suffer through this post.

Why this sport is called "Football" beats me. The ball does not touch the foot at all, except once in a while when a team punts (kicks the ball as high and as far as it can) as it has run out of ideas of what else to do. And they call this "Football"" and the real football "Soccer" - proof that in the land of Glen Beck and Michael Moore, logic is not a prerequisite for anything.

Be that as it may, let us turn to the protagonists. You have to be a massive hulk to play this game. Muscles bulging and refusing to remain constrained in their allotted places. And what do they do to such monuments to testosterone ? They dress such hulks in the most effeminate of trousers - tight fitting sequins that threaten to burst from the ample posteriors they are meant to contain. Its a comical sight - huge hulks with enough padding on the top half of the body to resemble a battle tank and a bottom ... ; well; lets leave it at that.

To police such fine specimens of humanity, are a few old men termed as referees. They are dressed as jailbirds - striped shirts that would not be out of place in Tihar Jail. They control the man mountains by hurling handkerchiefs to the floor - at which sight the aforesaid man mountains quiver with fright or indignation !

The game itself will be completely unintelligible to any outsider. They strike elaborate poses , with their posteriors all ensconced in the tight sequins alluded to above, and sticking out. One guy hold the ball while another stands behind him and seems to caress his ample backside. They burst into action for precisely 5 seconds. Then it all comes to a halt for the next 4 minutes. Only to start again. In that 5 seconds of action, every hulk attempts to decimate the opposite number, somewhat in the fashion of rutting bulls. They try and bury the poor soul holding the ball in at least five layers of manhood (see picture above). In the interim the coaches of both the teams walk up and down on the side trailing a veritable electronics lab , wires snaked by half a dozen orderlies.

The sight of the 5 seconds of action sends commentators to a paroxysm of emotion. They yell and scream at the historical significance of what they have just seen. Given the American propensity to numbers - they measure to the exact inch how much the ball, and each Godzilla, has moved. They argue passionately whether it was 9 yards or 10, and when its the latter, they declare it in 1300 decibels to be "down" - if you listen carefully you may hear the prefix of first !

While they do all this, all of America is glued to the telly. At the same time consuming 5 burgers, 15 sausages, 1 kilo of chips, 3 kilos of pretzels, a few gallons of beer and soda and some 1 tonne more of "food" - these statistics being per person. Its officially the second largest gastronomic day in the Northern Hemisphere, second only to Thanksgiving when in addition to all of the above, turkey is added to the menu. Now you know why you see some grossly obese on the streets of any American city.

On the telly, a few stars and many wannabe stars are strutting their stuff. Paid for by silly companies who spend 1 million dollars for a 10 second as a monument to advertising inanity. The stars try their best to exploit the opportunity by indulging in "wardrobe malfunction".

For the record, today's Superbowl is between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Green Bay Packers. I am rooting for the Packers .........

PS - HOORAY THE PACKERS WON.

Ni Hao, would you like to open an account ?

2011-02-05T08:52:00.006+05:30

When Hu Jintao, the leader of China, visited Washington recently, there was a flurry of deals signed. Predictably, most were economic. One tiny deal, lost from the public glare may be far more important than most of the bigger ones signed amidst much fanfare. This was the acquisition by ICBC, the world's most valuable bank from China, of the tiny retail network of the Bank of East Asia in New York and California.

All bank takeovers in the US need regulatory approval. Given the circumstances under which this deal was signed, its expected that it would be approved. And therein lies the breakthrough.

The regulatory approval is given only if the US believes that the regulatory mechanism in the home country of the bank is "sound". This is classical American overreach of dictating to the world. Now if this deal is to be approved, that is a tacit endorsement of China's banking system, which is entirely state controlled and , to even the most neutral of observers, dodgy. America endorsing China's banking system ? Wow !

There is an even more interesting consequence at the China end. It is the placement of the regulatory powers of a China bank's operations, in the hands of the US regulatory authorities. Yes its only a tiny insignificant branch of the giant ICBC. But then America's regulators never stop at its nations shores. For the Communist Party to accept that, takes some doing.

You can see why both the countries chose a tiny insignificant deal to test the way forward. If it had been a large deal in the public glare, you can imagine the howls of protest in the US against letting China in. Equally so , behind closed doors of the Communist Party's politburo, of submitting to any form of regulation by outsiders. Best to wade through this in an insignificant deal. And then slowly inch your way forward.

America and China are learning to tango. Uncomfortably, but out of sheer necessity. Both would rather not do this. But there isn't a choice. So its an awkward dance , trying not to step on each others' toes. A tall order given that neither has learnt the steps and are too proud to practice. It will be nice watching the dance - we from India being the underaged kid, not allowed into the party, but sneaking in to watch the goings on.

The dance may be awkward, but getting customers to walk in to the branch in New York may be more awkward. Can't imagine Joe the Plumber resonate to the sounds of huan ying guang lin (welcome). But then they won't go after those sort. There are enough Chinese Americans in that land. The NBA all star voting has just finished. Guess who the starting centre for the West is ? Yao Ming. Never mind that he has been injured for a long time and won't play, probably for ever.