Corporate Fluff

Lucy Kellaway of the Financial Times is one of my favourite columnists. One of her specialities is to roast companies that spew out meaningless bullshit in their communications and press releases. She even hands out annual Golden Flannel Awards for the worst corporate gobbledygook.

She's at her best today canning Mondelez (The Oreos to Cadbury company). The company's marketing head quit and this is what they had to say about finding a successor

" Our search for a successor will focus on finding a digital-first, disruptive and innovative leader who can build on Dana’s legacy and mobilise breakthrough marketing in a rapidly changing global consumer landscape"

Every word is a cliché and the sentence says absolutely nothing other than mouth inanities. Does it make you any wiser who they are going to hire ?

She has , over the years, mocked at meaningless drivel, quoting such outstanding examples as these

From Burberry - "In the wholesale channel, Burberry exited doors not aligned with brand status and invested in presentation through both enhanced assortments and dedicated, customised real estate in key doors"

Or this from E Bay - "We are passionate about harnessing our platform to empower millions of people by levelling the playing field for them"

Have you stopped to think about the nonsense that is shovelled each day. Infosys is doing an "orderly ramp down of about 3000 people", ie sacking them.  Citibank was "optimising the customer footprint across geographies " ie, er firing people. What about grandiose words for mundane things .  Speedo's swimming cap is a "hair management solution", another's aluminium doors are "entrance solutions" and Siemen's healthcare business is "Healthineers".

We ourselves mouth such fluff often - We want to touch base . We are moving forward. We are solutioning for a client. We are mitigating risks by risk management. We are at a "workshop" where somebody is droning through 200 slides and the rest are supposedly paying attention. We are tele commuting.

How about some good old plain English for a change. Something the Queen would approve of. Declare the next week as a fluff free week. Speak in simple English. If you cannot, try Gurmukhi ! A language where fundamentally jargon and flowery language is impossible.

A passing note to American readers. I know the English language is strange to you, but you may want to try and learn it !!

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Et tu Your Majesty ?

One of the pleasures of life is to start the day with a strong cup of coffee in one hand and The Hindu on the other. But the dangers of such a practice was brought out today - scalding by spilling the hot stuff on a sensitive part of your anatomy, the coffee turning utterly bitter in the mouth, etc etc. For right in the front page was the news that caused me to convulse uncontrollably. Her Majesty the Queen , had sent her first tweet !

This blogger's vehement opposition to that abominable medium and  contempt for "twits" is well know. He is well ware that 99.99999% of the world are in the opposite camp. But he consoled himself that a few dignified men and women of great stature, like Her Majesty (and himself !) had better taste and sense. Now he is somewhat perturbed that he may be the only dignified man standing.

Her Majesty's first tweet is a perfect example of the inanity of Twitter. She tweeted - "It is a pleasure to open the Information Age exhibition today at the @ScienceMuseum and I hope people will enjoy visiting. Elizabeth R." If there was a more useless piece of information, I am yet to see it. But to be reduced to having to sign Elizabeth Regina (I am sure you didn't know her second name). ...... What has the world come to.

In order to update himself on the useless stuff that so called celebrities tweet, this blogger spent a frustrating hour reading them. Here's a sample of recent tweets made by these worthies

Barack Obama - "Will you weigh in on #Obamacare?"  - he has some hope !

Narendra Modi - "Lot of things we can get to know by talking. Not only information but points of view" - What fantastic wisdom.

Shashi Tharoor - "I am donating them a biogas plant of 1tonne per day capacity" - So what.

Justin Bieber -  "Life is about the journey :)"  - Stunning discovery.

Shahrukh Khan - " I think Life, Movies & other such essentials, do start after 40!"  - OK, you old man.

Neil degrasse Tyson (a leading astrophyicist) : "I wonder if social media atheists ever use "OMG". If so, they probably intended to type "OYG"  -  What a scientific insight

Sachin Tendulkar  - "Wash your hands before every meal.... Spread the word on" - Ok mommy

Paris Hilton - "There's no place like home"  - OK couldn't resist peeking into the tweets of the wisest lady in the world.

David Cameron - "I'm angry at the sudden presentation of a €2bn bill to the UK by the EU. It's an appalling way to behave and I won't be paying it on Dec 1st" - Have you heard a better rendering of the loudly squealing schoolboy ?

Angela Merkel - "Guten Morgen liebe BürgerInnen und einen schönen Sonntag!  (Good morning dear citizens and have a nice Sunday) "  Doesn't she have anything better to do on a Sunday morning ??

and, of course, our own blog king and  commenter extraordinare 

Congoboy - "I swear, it peed on me."   -  OK; that one was below the belt, but I can't resist needling Congoboy. Its an actual tweet by him though !

What a colossal waste. Of all the useless, inane , pointless, drivel in the world, 99% can be found on this monstrosity called Twitter.

So having tweeted her first tweet, what is the Queen going to follow it with. Here are a few helpful suggestions

- Pip Pip

- Oh dear, my foot aches

- Coochie Coo George

- Oh God, do I have to get up and go to another boring function ?

- Toodle oo

PS : This post is at the request of my dear friend, fellow blogger and commenter, "Nancy" who made the request commenting on the previous post !

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Buy Property - Gangnam Style

Remember Psy and the megahit video Gangnam style ?  Yeah, I know, two years is the equivalent of a full Jurassic Age in pop music circles, but still ..... While you were trying to prance about like a horse, did you wonder what Gangnam style really meant ??

Gangnam is actually a suburb in Seoul, inhabited by the mighty and wealthy. The song was a parody of the lifestyles of those mighty men and women. Today Gangnam district came back into the news, with a property deal that raised my eyebrows so much that they vanished into my hairline (such as it is !). A 79,000 sq metre plot was up for sale. Thirteen bidders emerged, including two of Korea's biggest corporations , Hyundai and Samsung. Hyundai won it ; apparently they want to build their corporate headquarters there. The price tag ? A cool $ 10 bn. If you do the math , that is $126,000 per sq mtr. Or if you are an Indian, preferring ancient British metrics, Rs 7.6 lakhs per sq ft !!!

What sort of a crazy world do we live in where the price of a piece of land just enough to plant your two feet in and stand still, is more than the annual income of 99% of the population of the planet. Well, that is Gangnam style.

There is an ancillary question to be asked. What is Hyundai doing trying to build a corporate headquarters for $ 10 bn ? Investors are asking that question too. The shares of Hyundai were beaten down by 9% when news of this transaction broke out.  After all Hyundai didn't make a profit of $ 10bn last year. The pundits believe that Hyundai overpaid by about 3 times !  Hyundai defended it with typical corporatespeak - "Internally, we think we offered the appropriate price, considering various factors such as our global business plan and its future value ".

This blogger bought a Hyundai car a little while ago, for about the same price as would have fetched 1 sq ft of the land in Gangnam district. He is now unclear as to whether he should have opted to buy the land instead. You see, he is somewhat ( OK severely) dance challenged. However that has not deterred him from dreaming of some delectable dance moves that would make a dozen redheads swoon (Sriram please note !). So maybe, to get the right inspiration, he should have perhaps done the property deal and stood on his 1 sq ft plot of land in the middle of Gangnam district. And then practiced some intricate moves under the watchful tutelage of Psy. Trying to contort himself inside 1 sq ft may have perhaps cured his dance challenged status !

No use crying over spilt milk now. The car is there in the basement (for some hilarity on what this blogger is doing to it, read here). However he is intending to write to Chung Mong-koo, the patriarch of the Hyundai family offering to exchange his new car for the equivalent plot of real estate in Gangnam district. After all you see, its not very obvious which is overvalued more !!

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A free idea for you to make millions from

Entrepreneurship is all about ideas. If you have an idea for a great product or service, capital, talent and profits will flow to you. You will become a multi millionaire. In recognition of all the patience you dear readers have shown, this blogger now offers an idea for free - a product from which you can make millions !

The idea is, well, an old fashioned one. The product I suggest to you is the typewriter !! Before you groan, consider the following facts.

The country (to its eternal credit) which is completely fed up with the antics of the NSA is Germany. Even in the erstwhile East Germany the extent of snooping and surveillance probably did not go this far. When revelation after revelation brings home the extent of NSA spying (even to the extent of tapping the phone of Angela Merkel), the Germans have become angrier and angrier. And businesses, and government, have started to react in the only way possible - ditch the computer !

Back comes the good  old fashioned typewriter. German defence contractor Diehl has switched entirely to typewriters and snail mail for all sensitive documents and correspondence. Many German politicians are deciding to follow suit. Not any typewriter mind you. Only the non electronic variety will do. Complete with carbon paper for copies.  A typewriter with not a semiconductor in sight, thank you. That's the only way to be safe from the spies.

Typewriter sales have gone up by 35% and is expected to go up by 100% in the near future. Now, very few make typewriters anymore. In Germany, only two companies of any stature make them - Bandermann and Olympia. And they are Expensive, complete with a capital E. There may even be a waiting list to buy a typewriter; obviously there is no capacity for 100% growth.

Where Germany leads, the rest of the world will follow. Many Americans would be happy to follow suit. Many politicans of all stripes might dutifully switch - not so much because of the spying, but because they would rather that their antics do not leak out, at least in print. Without a doubt there will be 10 million Chinese, perhaps all of them from the Communist Party, who would also like the safety of something that cannot easily be monitored. And while you may not care for it, the shady characters, right from petty criminals to terrorists, would no doubt love the security from snooping.

So build a factory to make typewriters in some village in India. Make a zillion of them. Export the whole lot. Advertise the world over that your products are the only ones that are NSA proof. Guarantee to customers that they cannot be spied upon except by somebody staring right over the typist. As a corollary business, supply carbon paper and printer ribbon at $1000 per pack (Hewlett Packard, you are getting beaten at your own game). And as a future foray into services,  also supply typists - millions of Rajalakshmis available wherever you want. All you then have to do is to count the cash flowing in.

Underneath the frivolity is a serious point. There will be a backlash against the all pervasive snooping. For some things at least it is better to go back to trusted technology of the old - the typewriter, the comptometer, the pen, the paper, and even, perish the thought,  the face to face meeting !

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Uber Cup, here we come

This year, the Thomas and Uber Cup tournaments are being held in India. These are the men's and women's world championships in badminton. Badminton is one of the most exciting of sports to watch, even if you do not know much about it. Watching a major badminton tournament in Jakarta, the spiritual home of badminton, surely has to be one of the best sporting experiences anybody can have. Even the sport challenged Sriram's BP would shoot up !

India is world class in this sport, one of the few sports in which it is truly at the world level. The men's team is good, but not really in the top league. Its a different matter with the women however. With the meteoric rise of Sindhu, India has two players in the world top ten and on their day either can beat anybody in the world.

The first three days of the tournament have been on expected lines. The men's team fought well, but will not progress beyond the group stage. The women's team has won its group - they beat Thailand in a famous match last night, with Saina beating the reigning world champion. India had the swagger of a world beater yesterday. The quarter finals now beckon.

I had last blogged about Indian badminton two years ago here. It was then that Sindhu was arriving . I wrote then - " In two years time, the prospect of Saina and Sindhu representing India in the Uber Cup makes you want to drool in anticipation". That day has come.

The only "unbeatable" team is of course China. If you have the current World No 1, 2 and 3 in your team, it becomes a trifle difficult for anybody else to win. But India is right up there with everybody else, and on today's form and with home advantage, a China - India final is on the cards. 

The only pity is that it is being played in Delhi, a sports ignorant city if there was one. Crowds have been sparse (can you believe it), although those who come, try their best to be as vociferous as possible in rooting for India. If only it had been held in Bangalore or Hyderabad .....  We would have brought the roof down. Imagine a China - India final in a houseful Bangalore or Hyderabad stadium. We would have carried Saina, Sindhu, Jwala, Ashwini, Thulasi, Pradnya and Siki on our shoulders. The sheer decibel level might have even seen our girls through.

Forget the IPL. Tune in to Star Sports, all you sport lovers. Go bonkers for our girls. Uber Cup, here we come.

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No emails after 6 PM please; we are French

If ever there was  a misleading post title - this is one. But I am feeling mischievous, and since when has journalistic puritanism been required in a blog ! So read on.

You may have caught the "news item" with exaggerated headlines which seemed to imply that the French had banned reading emails after 6 PM. The trouble was that they did no such thing.  What they did was a collective bargaining agreement for independent contract workers which insisted that they be given a day off after 7 days and that after 13 hours of work a day they were allowed to "disconnect communication tools".  Nowhere did it say they wouldn't read emails after 6 PM.

But the point is that the news item was entirely believable, given the stereotype of the French worker as lazy and prone to long lunches. Nothing could be farther from the truth. The French work as hard as anybody else, at least in the private sector. I worked in a French company for a while - I should know. But the trouble is that with news like the 35 hour work week, draconian union rights, etc etc, the French have an image  of laziness and so anything that reinforces that stereotype is easily believed.

Stereotypes abound in business.  How often have I been asked in immigration counters in various countries if I "was in IT" ? The stereotype of an Indian foreign traveler is that of a coder. And if you are traveling to Australia, the stereotype is that you are not only a coder but are smuggling in 74 packets of every spice known on earth, 4 varieties of murukkus, 18 sweets, etc etc.

The Chinese business stereotype is that of an untrustworthy shifty individual who is out to steal your secrets. The worker stereotype is of a guy or a girl willing to work endless hours in poor conditions for a pittance.  The supplier stereotype is of somebody who can deliver poor quality at incredibly low prices. All three stereotypes are now largely wrong. 

The German stereotype is of precision and excellence in making things. Manufacturing genius. Balderdash now. German "quality" is nothing to write home about. Anybody who owns a Volkswagen car in India should know.

The American stereotype is of a loud bully who knows nothing about the world outside his home town. Again grossly wrong. If ever there was a collectively internationally savvy business race, it is the American. Notice that I refer only to the business community. Jane Doe , despite being a starlet,  might think Europe is a country.

Think of the Nigerian stereotype of utter corruption and email finance scams. Again this is increasingly becoming  untrue. Nigeria recently became the biggest economy in the continent displacing South Africa, admittedly by some jiggery pokery, but you now HAVE to do business in Nigeria if you want to be a global player and it is not that corrupt.

The trouble with stereotypes is that they are so hard to shake off. The brand gets sullied for a long time if the stereotype is negative (a la France or Nigeria) and gets undeserving benefit if it is positive (a la Germany). By that yardstick, perhaps the Indian stereotype of a coder is not so bad. At least it has the connotation of being "brainy" as one immigration officer in the US told me !

Actually widely differing, and wrong, stereotypes abound inside India. The Bong is a long winded lazy bum. The Punjabi is loud and crass. The "Golti" is doing M Tech to maximise dowry. The Kannadiga is sleeping after a large dose of ragi mudde. The Mallu is either coming from or going to the Gulf, but will not work inside his state. The Gujju is out to make money and nothing else.  The Tamil exists solely on curd rice. The sisters from the North East are all "chinkies  of easy morals"  (what a horrible, awful, wrong and offensive stereotype). But all that is forgotten when we step outside and land in a foreign shore. We then become a "brainy coder". Three cheers to the ignorant immigration officer in the West for forging an absent national unity, at least in  stereotype !

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Bring on the Indian names

In Rendezvous with Rama, arguably the greatest science fiction book of all time, the spacecraft is called Rama. Arthur C Clarke, the legendary science fiction writer, casually throws in that since all the names of the Greek and Roman Gods had already been taken in astronomy, they had turned to Hindu names - and hence Rama. Arthur C Clarke was a great predictor of future events, although he wrote fiction.  He was the predictor of geostationary satellites, long before it became a reality. So perhaps his  prediction of Hindu names might come true as well.

Well, astronomical names are still monopolised by the Greeks and Romans, but at least in the field of computer engineering, Indian names have started to  peep in. Kaveri, AMD's latest APU (whatever an APU means) is really the inspiration for this post. - what a nice and easy sounding name Kaveri is. Intel chips are boringly named (madam, are you listening) - Pentium, x86, Core and LGA are sleep inducing as hell. Apple is horrendous - iPhone, iPad, iPod, iTunes,  and what next iWatch, iPants, iShirt, iUnderwear ?? Google, that funky company of Ice Cream Sandwich, Jelly Bean, KitKat, etc etc is still strictly for kids .  Android sounds so intimidating - surely a team which is led by a guy called Sundar Pichai can  think of a better Indian name. In that pathetic conundrum, Kaveri stands out.

Auto guys are another interesting bunch for names. Unfortunately that's a masculine macho bunch, but still, Corolla, Accord, Sunny, Elantra,  and, horribly, 3 series, 5 series - what the hell.  Granted nobody will buy a car named Gina Lollobrigida, but still, can't they come up with better names ? I am forced to choose between an i10, i20, i342, 800, SX4, City,  ......... Granted I wouldn't like to be seen in a Urvashi (note that the stated preposition is "in" and not "with" :)), but I wouldn't mind a Toyota Ganges.

Paradoxically, the most hilarious namers are the real estate companies in India. Take your pick on where you would like to stay - Chartered Beverly Hills, Nitesh Key Biscayne, Brigade Caladium, Brooklyn Heights and my favourite of all - Mugalivakkam Maami trying to stay in La Celeste !!!! Surely your address cannot be Flushing Meadows, Ramagondanahalli. Even more Ugh sounding are where a very obvious Indian family name is tied in to a supposedly "glamorous"  name. What about Purvankara Whitehall or Salarpuria Pentagon.  Yuk.

So wake up world. Anglo Saxon names are passe. French names are unpronounceable. Eastern European names won't fit into Twitter and have improbable combinations of x,z,w and q. Chinese names have no romance - surely Fang Cao Yuan doesn't sound interesting enough. African names are unknown.  So where else to go ? Come to India.

How about a Brahma chipset. Or a Krishna car. Indus watches. Yamuna mobiles. Maybe comet Ganesh. And wouldn't I love to live in Kailash.  Surely Uma Thurman would approve.

The only problem is if there is a Ramamritham mobike or a Rajalakshmi handbag !!!!

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Oh Yes, Wait a minute Mr Postman

There are some endangered species in  the business world. One is the Secretary - gone are the good old days when an Amazon or a pretty young thing (you had a choice) would guard the entrance to your cabin, get you tea, organise your wife's kitty party, bring a shorthand notebook and take dictation (remember that ?), and do such other extremely important activities. It was invariably a woman - gender equality activists please note - and the choice of an Amazon or the pretty young thing depended on whether your need was mothering , or ....... you get the drift !

But this post is not about secretaries ! It is about another , what I though was an endangered species,  the mail room kid.

In the good old days, all offices had a big mailroom. Usually in the basement, this was a fairly large room into which all the incoming mail would come.  There was a massive pigeon hole contraption and the boys would expertly flick the mail into the relevant pigeon hole. This done they would collect all the sorted stuff and make their way to each part of the office, delivering the mail. 

Now, it must be understood that the mail room boy was the lowest on the corporate totem pole and it was the entry job for a young boy (always boys) who was , well, not qualified for greater things. There have been examples of those who started in the mail room and made their way to the corner office, but let us say, this was the exception. Being young, and in his opinion incredibly handsome, he was rather looking forward to that portion of his job that involved  delivering and collecting mail. His time and demeanor when delivering however depended on whether he was encountering the above mentioned Amazon or pretty young thing. A hopelessly big smile, lots of chit chat, a sing song voice, a general slowness of speed, etc etc all characterised the journey to those stations where the Amazon was not the resident species.

This of course, must be long gone. surely. Whoever has heard of a mail room still in existence - surely no dinosaur still writes a paper letter anymore.  Right ? Imagine my surprise when I read the news item that corporate mail rooms in the UK are straining under the weight of incoming stuff and they have had to take extra staff !!! What on earth is happening ? Have the Brits , with their well known fondness for ancient customs, gone back to snail mail ?

Well, it appears that the culprit is Christmas shopping. Staff are doing all their shopping on line and getting it delivered to their offices. So the mail room kid is making a comeback - instead of delivering a mountain of paper, he is now deluged with everything from frilly knickers to iphones ! He still does the rounds of the offices, whistling to himself, but alas, there is no Amazon to avoid or pretty young thing to chat up. Instead there are only dull boring spectacled oafs all hunched up over their keyboard.

The problem of a deluge of Christmas shopping deliveries has apparently reached epic proportions. Sir Humphrey Appleby (Ramamritham's guru and mentor) has issued a decree banning government department staff from ordering online stuff to be delivered to the office. He has invoked the principle that office was office and staff are not supposed to use the office facilities for personal stuff. The staff are protesting saying that since they have to be in the office all day, where else could they accept the deliveries. They are threatening Sir Humphrey that denying  Christmas shopping opportunities and making staff work instead, tantamounts to human slavery and denial of basic human rights (Mr Preet Bharara, please note !)  The matter had not been satisfactorily resolved at the time of publishing this post, and its only 5 days to Christmas.

Even endangered species make comebacks ! And this blogger has taken to posting utterly trivial and inane stuff as the holiday season approaches !!

PS : Regular readers with the exception of those old enough to know (Sriram and Ravi !!) might want to learn of the significance of the title of the post from here :)

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United States beware - you have twisted Ramamritham's tail

The recent diplomatic spat between India and the US, should normally not be the subject matter of this blog - it having nothing to do with economics or business. However, since the nuclear weapon of Ramamritham has been invoked by India, it now falls into the realm of comment here, considering rhe world beating expertise this blog has on that venerable gentleman.

In case you have not been following the events, the US arrested the deputy consul of India in New York on the grounds that she had underpaid her domestic maid (imported from India) and consequently committed "visa fraud". I don't wish to discuss the merits of the case here, although this pertained to an event in the past, is subjudice in an Indian court, and very likely debatable hinging on the obscure valuation of accommodation and food. But in true American government fashion, this was handled with extreme insensitivity - the lady was arrested as she was dropping her children to school , handcuffed in public, searched (allegedly strip searched) and taken to jail before being released on bail.  This blogger has long been a critic of how America handles such matters even when it comes to its own citizens - there is hardly a need to handcuff people , make them do the perp walk, hold them along with those accused of criminal charges etc, for alleged civil crimes. No civilised country does this  but that is the prerogative of American voters to decide if it is right or wrong.

India, or at least, the Indian government is mightily pissed and has retaliated. It has done such things as summoning the US ambassador in India and giving her a dressing down, refusing to meet a US delegation currently in India and such other diplomatic rebuffs.  But the real deadly move has been to let Ramamritham loose on the US embassy in India ! Ramamritham has now sought details of the activities of every diplomat and his or her spouse, asked them to furnish details of salaries paid to Indian staff, including maids, they employ here, etc etc. He has asked them to turn in their ID cards and has withdrawn their special privileges that breezes them through the every day bureaucracy that anybody in India faces. He has also hinted that gays in the US embassy could equally be arrested under the current laws of India !!

America does not know what it is risking by attracting the attention of Ramamritham. If he puts his mind into it, he will discover innumerable violations of the law that American diplomats have done, albeit in ignorance or involuntarily.  Such is the nature of India's laws and pedantry that it is impossible for any human to exist in India without having violated the letter of  one law or the other. The violation may be purely procedural in nature - for example not filing some form or intimating some trifling detail, but that is enough. Ramamritham will go after you with gusto. There is no power on earth who can stop him. For example if the diplomat and his family have stayed in a hotel somewhere and not taken great care to fill their nationality as US citizen on the hotel form (whoever looks at that form's fine print when checking in at 11 PM after a delayed flight) - he has committed a crime. Years ago, Ramamritham arrested Nusli Wadia precisely for this ! If the embassy has not displayed the Provident Fund rules on its notice board for the benefit of Indian staff (and there are rules on where the notice board has to be situated in relation to the office) , it has broken the law.  There are potentially 1,453, 678 violations he can look into. I have great pity for the American embassy staff and their families - they have no idea what they have gotten into - and all because of the actions of some insensitive pig headed Ramamritham equivalent in New York.

If the United States knows what is good for it, it will promptly meet with Ramamritham, beg his pardon, fall at his feet ,  do shashtang namaskar, recite Abhivadiye three times and beseech him to turn his kind attention back on the hapless Indian citizens who he has been torturing from time immemorial.

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I love Samoa Air

I am likely to vote for Samoa Air as the best airline in the world. I have never flown the airline, nor have I been to Samoa. So why this sudden fancy ? Its because I just discovered that they charge passengers based on their weight !

I have traveled many a long mile on planes and can be considered a fair expert on the matter of air travel. But even I have failed to understand how airlines fix their fares. Nor can I be sure that I won't have to cough up more on reaching the airport, for check in bag fees (horrible American airlines) , place in the queue to board fee (Southwest), going to the loo fee (Ryan Air), quench thirst fee (Indian carriers)  whatever, whatever. If there is a logic to air fares, it has thus far escaped my comprehension.

But I do have  a pet peeve when it comes to airfare. You see, the cost of flying an airplane is all down to weight - airlines will do anything to reduce the weight of the aircraft.  You would therefore expect that airlines would have some linkage of their fares to weight That is indeed the case with checked in baggage. But when it come to the more substantial issue of the weight of the passenger itself,  it seems to have been forgotten. Now, I must confess that I have a serious weight problem  - I weigh literally nothing !!! Therefore my pet peeve has always been that I have to pay the same fare as  Rajalakshmi sitting beside me - she of the gargantuan proportions ! And I always seem to attract Rajalakshmis as my neighbour - so I occupy one tenth of the seat and the good lady spills over from hers and occupies the balance nine tenths !

I have railed often against the injustice of it all, but to no avail. And then I came across Samoa Air's policy on fares. Fares are simply based on your and your baggage's weight. They quote a per kg price. You and your baggage stand on the weighing machine. Weight multiplied by the per kg fare and that's your bill !!! If you don't believe this, visit their website.

Wow - I can now fly almost for free.  Wouldn't that be the most spectacular thing to happen. I , a jaded traveler, who can't stand the sight of a plane anymore, is now all perked up and energised to travel - thanks to the wonderful policy of Samoa Air.

The airline was forced to take this practical step because Samoans are the most obese people in the world. Any airline that flew Samoans and did not have a weight policy would not take off - pun intended. So this was virtually forced on them, but then who cares what is the motive for a brilliant pricing strategy.

I love Samoa Air.  Samoa - Oute alofa ia te oe !!

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With apologies to Rabindranath Tagore

Where the mind is maybe with a little fear but the head is held high

Where there is no Blogger to corrupt the thoughts

Where there is no Facebook to waste time

Where there is no Twitter to inform the world that you are brushing your teeth

Where there is no YouTube so that you don’t watch Justin Bieber

Where there is no Google for you to check what sesquipedalian means

Where you can’t get to Dropbox  for the trillions of useless stuff you have stored

Where there is no Picasa , you narcissist, for admiring your selfies

Where there is no TV, to watch mindless soaps (or football if you prefer)

Where there is no bourgeois newspapers to corrupt the mind

Into that pure , unpolluted, NSA free heaven, my father, I shall awake tomorrow, and be there for a week !

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Papa, pray for us

Joseph Ratzinger has resigned. Joseph who ? you may ask. And what's in a resignation - after all somebody is resigning from something all the time.  Ah well; its not just anybody. It's Pope Benedict who resigned about a week ago. Popes rarely resign - its one of the few "jobs" for life. The last Pope to resign was Pope Gregory in 1415 to end the Western Schism - a complete mess when there were two competing claimants as Pope.

 

Pope Benedict stated that he was getting on in years (he is 85 after all) and that the leader of a billion catholics around the world needed "strength of body and mind".  While he cited the lack of strength of his body, I dare say his real reason was the strength of the mind.

 

It has been a period of great tumult for the Catholic Church. It was during his papacy that the child molestation scandals in Europe and America burst into the open. Leaked papers from the Pope's butler showed the Vatican in very poor light - messy politics and  the whiff of corruption seemed to permeate even at the top. The Vatican was also involved in financial matters which did not cast it in favourably. The Pope was said to have tried reform, but was said to have been rebuffed. Maybe he was just tired. Maybe God called him to step aside. We will never know. Joseph Ratzinger is retreating into a convent to do what he probably always wanted to do - be with God. Not be a CEO.

 

A CEO is what the papacy is increasingly turning to. The Vatican is a massive organization which needs to be managed just like any other organization. It deals with large sums of money. It deals with global affairs. It deals with thousands and thousands of "employees". It is challenged by globalization - the centre of the catholic world is increasingly no longer Rome, but Latin America. In short, it is facing what every other organization which deals with more earthly matters, faces.

 

It would be a pity for the Papacy to become a CEO's office, although that is the direction in which it is going. The world badly needs spiritual guidance. There is much moral failing in the world, and traditionally, it has been men of cloth who have given mankind, the moral steer.  You could argue that organized religion has done more harm than good - witness the atrocities that have been committed throughout human history in the name of religion. But that would be a one sided view. Religion has also brought great comfort. It has healed many a heart. It has shown the way to many a soul.

 

The world's major religions are in crisis. Islam seems to be driven in a number of directions. Hinduism has had its fair share of godmen and leaders who have fallen from their pedestal - some literally. TV evangelists and faith healers seem to abound. Money seems to have overwhelmed even the spiritual, much as it has done to the temporal.

 

Atheists may disagree with me that the fall of religion is not a bad thing. They may be right. But I am lost in an ocean of despair. Moral failings seem to abound. I am rocked by the tides of sorrow. I see much evil around me. I am not able to accept the value systems that are the norm today.  I am adrift in a frightening sea, searching for a beacon from a lighthouse.

 

Witness the betting going on as to who would be the next Pope. Apparently Canadian Marc Ouellet and Ghanaian Peter Turkson are favourites at odds of 7 to 2. Betting on a Pope ?

 

Papa, Latin for Pope,  pray for us. 

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Economics Gangnam Style

What ?? You don't know what Gangnam Style is ? It is the K-Pop (Korean Pop) sensation that has taken the world by storm. It  is No 2 on the UK and US pop charts, watched on You Tube some 400 million times . Everybody , it seems, wants to prance like a horse . Even the West Indies team, on winning the T20 World Cup, gave an energetic rendition of Gangnam Style (note the absence of the word cricket in this sentence !). Well, if you haven't heard of the original before, you can add to the 400m+ views by watching it here - beware, you have to practice prancing like a horse while doing so.

This blogger is seriously musically challenged and has no qualifications to write a music post - that being the domain of experts like Suja.  Or like another esteemed reader of this blog who runs his own radio station. Instead he shall demonstrate his "hipness" by linking economics to Gangnam Style !

HTC (a Taiwanese company) just declared its quarter's results announcing a 80% drop in profits. At the same time Samsung (a Korean company) announced a 85% rise in profits. You see its all got to do with Gangnam Style coolness. Galaxy S3 is cool, HTC Desire isn't. Five years ago, you wouldn't dream of owning a Hyundai car. Today, its quite OK to park your Equus next to a Japanese or German equivalent and not be subjected to hoots of derision. Or consider Amore Pacific an increasingly successful cosmetics company - after all if South Korean girls can look so young and pretty, there must be something in the cosmetics they use ! South Korea is just not ships or steel anymore. Brand South Korea is going places - Gangnam style.

The country which has the biggest lessons to learn is China. China desperately wants to be loved and is nonplussed when nobody seems to love it. It would dearly love to export "soft power" in addition to its undoubted "hard power". But it tries to do that by pouring money into CCTV globally- now it must take a seriously self flagellating masochist to watch CCTV for more than 1 minute. It shoots itself in the foot by going after anybody who said hello to the Dalai Lama. It threatens war over a few rocks in the middle of the sea. It stands no chance of global embrace by doing such things. It only results in Huawei not being allowed to sell much in the US. Nobody is going to proudly claim to own a Haier washing machine or even a Lenovo laptop. Instead it should unleash the creative forces of its wonderful people. Make them prance like a horse. Or if they like, maybe waddle like a panda. Preferably Gangnam style !

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A dog saves the day

A dog might prove to be the unlikeliest saviour of Formula 1, a sport that is direly in need of saving . Bravo India, for unwittingly pointing the way ahead for the sport.

Today is the first ever Indian Grand Prix - held at Noida, at the Buddh circuit, just off Delhi. Why it has come up in Delhi is a mystery - the racing capital (of whatever racing there is) of India is Chennai or Coimbatore. But Delhi it is. This is the fag end of the Formula 1 season; the championship is already decided and there is very little to drive for. But then Bernie Eccleston, the boss of F1, has grasped that the future of the sport  depends on the growing audience in Asia - that's why in the last three or four years, new Grand Prixs have come up in Beijing, Singapore, Bahrain, Abu Dhabi, Istanbul (almost Asia !), Yeongam (Korea) ; to add to the more traditional Asian venues Suzuka (Japan) and Sepang (Malaysia). Now India.

Formula 1 has become a bore. The results are completely predictable; superb safety measures have ensured that there are far fewer crashes and  rules are changed every 15 days until nobody knows what they are.  There are no more flamboyant personalities of the likes of Ayrton Senna - today's drivers are more technical automatons. Even the pretty girls hanging around in skimpy clothes seem to be rather muted. I haven't watched a Formula 1 race for the last two seasons - its become that boring. When a sports nut like me does that, there is something seriously wrong with the sport.

India might offer the redemption. On the first practice session on Friday, a dog ran on to the track and the session had to be stopped for some 20 minutes. This was the most happening thing that day - the rest of it was predictably boring. Now, any Indian knows that a car tyre is irresistible to a dog.  In some cases, it is even irresistible to humans, but we shall let that pass.

So here are some very Indian ideas to make the sport hugely more exciting and get the fans back

• Introduce the Indian cow (preferably with a calf) to roam the circuit at random
• Two wheelers featuring two types of Indian drivers must be in the circuit - the rambo who thinks he's Rajnikanth (or whoever) and revs up his pitiful 85cc mobike and tries to do a wheelie or the uncle and aunty (100 kgs each) with three kids on a wobbly moped.
• The tractor who comes in the opposite direction to the racing  with headlights on 
• The overladen truck who is parked right in the middle of the fastest section of the track, camouflaged to be invisible. For good effect a small branch with four leaves can be placed 10 metres behind as a warning.
• One giant crater right in the middle of the first corner (measurements - 1 ft by 4 ft and at least 2ft deep)
• Four completely invisible speed breakers that will hit the underside of the chassis, placed strategically where the driver will least expect it.

If Sebastian Vettel (the current world champion) can navigate that and win the race, then the crowds will come back for the thrill. Formula 1 will become the most thrilling spectator sport in the world.

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The hazards of flying

Even if you didn't suffer from aerophobia, there are some non trivial hazards of flying. Missing baggage for example. Or delayed or cancelled flights leaving you stranded in some god forsaken land. Some even allege deep vein thrombosis. Insomnia due to your neighbour's high affliction of stertor could be another. But even the most wildly imaginative sort could not have thought of adding "going to the loo" in that list. But it is now conclusively established that this is a real hazard. Consider the evidence.

Last Sunday Frontier Airlines flight 623 from Denver to Detroit was escorted by F16 fighter jets. Why ?? Apparently two men and a women were seated in a three seater. One guy got up to go to the loo. The other guy stood up.  And the guy spent a "long time" there. That was it. F16s escorted the plane and on landing the three were handcuffed and led off to be questioned. The poor lady did nothing. She was simply sitting and yet was considered suspicious because she sat next to a guy who went to the loo. The wonderfully investigative press even reported that there was a "mile high club" membership application going on in the loo ! We'll let it pass that even a cursory familiarity with an aeroplane loo would convince anybody that such an act is an anatomical impossibility.

American Airlines flight 34 from Los Angeles to JFK was equally bizarre. The F16s were up again. This time, three men were suspected because they were making "frequent trips" to the loo. Apparently there is some standard as to the number of times you can go. For their "crimes" the three were handcuffed and led away.

What about Ryanair's proposals, which thankfully did not materialise, of charging passengers for the pleasure of a visit to the loo midair. Perhaps they might have stuck a notice on the door, not unlike the statutory warning on cigarette packs - "Entering this door would be seriously injurious to your wealth". Ryanair's profit improvement plans didn't stop there. They evaluated removing two out of the three loos on their plane because they could then add six seats, thereby providing an accurate valuation of the service they are providing in giving you a pleasure of a  visit.

All Nippon Airlines tried another tack. They claimed that they were green because they encouraged passenger to lighten themselves prior to boarding the plane. Lighter weights meant less fuel burnt ; so the airline was being very environmentally conscious. Pretty ground crew were on hand just before the boarding gate. Hello; Welcome to ANA Flight blah blah blah. The loo is that way ma'am; if you could make a visit, you will contribute to reducing global warming on our planet. Thank You. Before boarding, please provide proof of your visit !

And, of course, there is poor Gerard Depardieu, the famous, or should I say infamous, French actor. He had many a glass of wine, as any sensible Frenchman would do,  before boarding the plane from Paris to Dublin. And as the plane was about to start, he simply had to deal with the consequences of all that drinking. But no; the stew wouldn't let him get up until the plane was airborne, seat belt signs were off, etc etc - a good 15mts away. What could the guy do. He took the only option - he simply let go. Another instance of the police coming and escorting a passenger out. City Jet, the airline, then rubbed salt into the wounds by tweeting "As you may have seen on the news, we are busy mopping the floor of one of our planes this morning". Another tweet - " We'd also like to remind all passengers that our planes are fully equipped with toilet facilities."

You better be careful, the next time you fly, OK ? There is a new flying hazard.

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The wonders of public opinion

Public opinion is often a cause of much entertainment. Public opinion, that is, as reflected in the comments section of a famous website. Let us say , for example, Reuters  reporting  a fairly innocuous news item as follows. You would have thought that there isn't much to comment about it. You would be wrong. Read on for this imaginary post and comments.

Cuba withdraws ambassador from Libya

Cuba has announced that it was withdrawing its diplomatic mission in Libya, reiterating that it does not recognise Libya's Transitional National Council.

Comments (325) 

Amyfalldown - First!

humanist7117 - Gaddafi is a thug. He is in  cohorts with Fidel Castro. He has run away to Libya

Nitinooroo - Мы работаем напрямую с импортерами парфюмерии в Россию, минуя перекупщиков. Это является гарантией реализации без наценок и каких-либо процентов. [url=http://www.voado.ru/optom/]Лицензионная парфюмерия производства ОАЭ[/url] – это имитация оригинальной селективной парфюмерии и духов.Настоящая лицензионная парфюмерия имеет хорошее

RobertBrewsterJr1 - IMPERIALIST THUGS ARE DESTROYING THE WORLD. OBAMA IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS. STOP GOVERNMENT SPENDING. THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO BRING SANITY TO THE COUNTRY. LEFT WING LIBERALS ARE TAKING OVER THE WORLD. VOTE FOR MICHELLE BACHMANN

nicebrunido - %$#*%$ iPhones at half price. Visit ripyouoff.com today! #(#$@

elitaren - f*****g Gaddafi. b****** Castro. I don't give a s***


goodguy - MMS is corrupt. Sonia is corrupt. Narendra Modi for PM

        jidaspeak - @goodguy - you are a moron. RSS stooge. Go die somewhere

        goodguy - @jidaspeak  - You Porki. Go back to your mulla country and drown in blood

revengeofbutthead - wtf ?

Nihaonyan - This comment has been deleted by the moderator

oldman - The Libyan Transitional Council is a loose combination of different interest groups. So far the only glue holding them together was their common hatred and fear of Gaddafi. Now that Gadaffi has gone it remains to be seen whether they can form a sensible government. Uncertain times ahead for Libya

             lespaulrentals - @oldman - Who asked you ?

AnImmortalLove - Thumbs Up if you typed Viagra and landed on this site.

Padmanvasanth - GOOD STEP HAPPENED...

NOW THEY ADMIRE THAT THEIR WELTH IS THIS MUCH ONLY...

SO IT IS CLEAR THAT - OVER AND ABOVE THIS IS BLACK MONEY...

AND THEY MOST RETURN IT TO INtIA

LET US BRING BUCK ALL OUR HERD EARNED MONEY...


itshuyzz - People listen to me. Its all the fault of multinationals. Gaddafi was a stooge of Exxon, BP and the multinational oil companies. When he was no more useful, they have deposed him. Its all the fault of the evil oil companies.

Is this what public opinion has descended to ??

I am eternally thankful that readers who comment here are a million miles away from this lot. Truly salute those who take the time to make such informed and wise comments in this blog.

PS - This post was inspired by this article in the WSJ.

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Angola or Mongolia ?

Is Gils living in Angola or Mongolia ?? He isn't, but he very well could be. He is in the state of Tamil Nadu in India, but in terms of GDP he would be no different to living in Angola and in terms of per capita GDP, he would be the same as a Mongolian. This, according to a lovely chart by the Economist, which you can see here. They say a picture is worth a thousand words (something this blogger evidently doesn't believe because he regularly inflicts 1000 words on the reader, without a photo in sight). Surely a chart like this is worth 10,000 words. Brilliant, as the Economist usually is.

Vishal can chose between Turkmenistan and Latvia. Sandhya can opt for Croatia or the Philippines. When she goes home, Reflections , who is now wonderfully active in the blogosphere after extensive bouts of laziness, can chose to be a Tunisian or a Papua New Guinean. Wow. All of a sudden, India doesn't seem to be that great an economic powerhouse, does it ? Each state by itself seems fairly insignificant.  Nagaland, for example, is no better off than the basketcase of the world, Zimbabwe (Naga National Council, please note). And the assorted , unwashed, Islamist groups might want to ponder that the jihad and shaheeds will all lead to either a Bahamas (without the sun and the sea) or a Gambia.

Of course the one number India has in plenty, is population. If Uttar Pradesh were  separate country, it would be the fifth most populous country in the world. Zeno could be a Thai and kiwibloke, when he is not a kiwi, could be a dapper, handsome Italian.

The Economist has published a similar map of China here. Tony Chen  could be in Kazakhstan. Carol Chan (grrr; she's made her blog private) is from Azerbaijan. Zhang Dan could be in Turkmenistan, when she is not actually in the UK.

Very helpfully , The Economist has also published a similar map of the US here. By this token, Hopfrog is a Peruvain, and J has become a Thai. Deepa is really a Begum in nearby Dubai, but I am not sure if Mark is a Kiwi or a Finn.

Interesting, isn't it ?

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Land Ahoy !

The call had come to the village. The ship had come. It was anchored in the deep seas, some distance away. Where it was sailing to, nobody knew. Even if they knew, it would have meant little; world geography wasn't their strong point All they knew was that it was going far far away. And that the white sahib was promising work for any able bodied man or woman who was willing to sail.

The terms were simple. Or at least, this is what they understood. The white sahib would feed them and house them. He wouldn't charge them for the ship journey. They were to work for about five years or so. They wouldn't be paid any wages, but they would be given food and shelter. After five years they were "free" ; could come back home (they would have to pay for the trip) or stay or whatever.  This was to be their "contract". When they landed , the white man would thrust a paper in front of them to that effect. They were to sign the contract. Of course they didn't know to read or write ; the thumb impression had to do.

Between the late 1800s and the early 1900s, this was the story of some in India. The story of indentured labour. People were in plenty. But , in the village, there wasn't much to do. Famines were common. And all over the British empire, across the world, labour was needed. Maybe for plantations. Maybe for laying the railways. Maybe for building roads.  So large numbers of people went and therein started the spread of the Indian diaspora across the world.

The main regions where Indians were taken were Africa, especially South Africa, the Caribbean, The Pacific Islands, especially Fiji, and Singapore/Malaysia. It all depended on where the ship that you went to was sailing - pure chance. If it went to Singapore/Malaysia, there was a chance of you coming back some day. But if it went to Fiji or the Caribbean, then distance ensured you never came back. South Africa was different; it was close enough to come back, but apartheid and the global sanctions ensured that they were marooned there.

Imagine their thoughts when they first landed. In a completely strange place, they hardly knew where. Completely shut off from their families back home - neither side would even know if the other was alive or dead. No chance of communication of course. Life was hard. But they survived. Married amongst themselves. Built a community.  Collectively they became true Indians - divisions of caste, languages, etc vanished. They even evolved a common lingua franca sometimes - thus came Fijian Hindi to being.

Slowly the link with the homeland became weaker and weaker. Their children and grandchildren slowly went native. They spoke English. They saw themselves as Malaysians or South Africans or Fijians. But the link remained. There was still an Indian touch to their food. They still married largely within the community. And of course, in recent times, there has been Bollywood. Even if they couldn't understand Hindi, song and dance was in their genes.

This is a small tribute to those magnificent men and women. For those times, what they did, was positively trail blazing. Today there are some 24m persons of Indian origin worldwide. Recent migrants have been the educated and the elite, to western shores, but the large majority trace their origin to the indentured labour of old. They've created magnificent communities in every country they have gone too. They were truly a pioneering generation.

PS : While reading about this topic, I came across an interesting post on the indentured coolie by Capt Ajit Vadakayil here. If this issue interests you, this will make disturbing reading.

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A world without oil

The price of oil has been well above $ 100 a barrell for sometime now and there is every likelihood that its going to stay there. Yesterday the Indian government was forced to raise the price of petrol by Rs 5 per litre.  This blogger has railed often against the the largest transfer of wealth from the poor to the rich, from the rest of the world to the Gulf, etc etc. This Sunday, its a light hearted look at the benefits of a world without oil.

Imagine the utopia it shall be. At an instant the road everywhere in the world will become oases of peace. The whole world will become slimmer,  Rajalakshmi will now have to walk, or bike and hopefully an ounce of athleticism will come to her. TV programmes such as the Biggest Loser will cease to exist - instead new programmes such as "how lazy can you be" may become the rage.

Some of blots on humanity will mercifully be consigned to oblivion. Like Heathrow, or O'Hare. And imagine  a world without Air India - sheer bliss. And " On a clear day, you cannot see General Motors".

Bedouins can reclaim the Middle East. Ambulisamma has to return back and monstrosities such as the Burj al Arab can  safely be mothballed.  Bernie Ecclestone and Max Mosley can at last be made bankrupt as the most boring sport in the world - Formula 1 (made most boring thanks to the aforesaid gentlemen) has a complete remake. It shall morph into a bullock cart race which India shall rule, until the Chinese take it into their head that they have to dominate that sport too.

Imagine, no fat tourists, awfully dressed, of indeterminable age and thrusting a camera in the direction of "locals". No visits from  "damagers" (copyright courtsey gils as a synonym for manager), from awfully cold places like Chicago or Tokyo trying to escape the shivers and holidaying in sunnier climes under the guise of inspecting the natives.

And so on and so on. Readers are invited to share their vision of the new world. Each of your thoughts in a para please (I'll transport it from the comments here) and this post will expand into a collage .......

Gils - oil'yam natchathirathula poranthavangallam ippo semma demandla iruppaanga pola. English translation - People born under the ahilyam star sign (a play on Oil) will be in great demand.

Zeno - No Oil means, no need to bargain with autowallahs, no accident causing metro lorries in Chennai :) no car chases in movies :(

Sandhya - well.... as you say, there are many positives of the no oil world - no morning -evening flights and no stale aircraft food - no airhostess with a the artificial smile (works like a mechanical robot - opens and closes at the same speed at the same precision with the same expression!!)

and then, if there were no oil, you would create huge living spaces for many homeless poor - i mean where will all the cars and buses go - some one has to use them up

and then people like Gils would be India's most wanted... i mean on the positive side. that is because - In a world devoid of all fuss and frolic... there are few people who can keep the energy going and lively....

Hema - Ha...no oil means no traffic, no traffic jams, no getting late to office, no office,no need of vacation, more blogging, more reading, more poetry, more morning walks, bliss...

Venkat - 1)No oil means, Indian politics or atleast kerala politics will definetely change. yes millions of gulf living NRI's will turn to vote. also the density of present population in some states will increase with these NRI's return. 2)World may not familiar with the nineth richest man Mukesh. 3)Goverment may increase income tax % to compensate revenue from oil. 4)No wonder still world will run vehicles and air crafts will with water like in steam engines.

RamMmm - Ha! No petroleum derivatives also then. No vaseline et al, no creams of most kinds (fairness creams esp., we can tan-o-tan), no deo sprays ('no babe magnet deo aXe' esp. we may stink, so what!), no dandruff shampoos (hmmm... lets use groundnut/shikakai), no washing powder (back to old smash on stone technique), less pharma products (ayurveda may fill-in), no plastics (yay!, but what do we do without it?, no fertilizers (globally organic), no air-conditioning as no anti-freeze (toast to skin roast!)) gosh!, the dependence on petroleum is starting to look scary. :(

Vishal - The thought of a world without oil is so serene to imagine. Can we indeed go back in time? Aah!

The same puff of fresh air which is otherwise available in the Maidan area of Calcutta early morning, could be felt in other big cities also. NH-8 would be a lovely place to take an evening stroll... oh! nothing can beat that!

IST will be IST then... or may be better than that.

Consider Biogas for home fuel. Water could be treated like water in the country like ours and even in gulf.

Whoa... the world will be a different place then...

Srivats : No oil means we wont get to have the vegetables , milk and other groceries in the nearby mall. We got to create our own plot and start planting vegetables and paddy :)

Deepa : The more I thought of it, the more I realized what a beautiful world its going to be.

Imagine, Gilsu or zeno on bicycles with their gals perched on the front bar. The ladies' hair swaying into their faces with the breeze. Our two heros can throw in some of those romantic songs they keep posting on facebook! I kid you not, the biggest stumbling block in the dating scene these days is the fuel cost. No petrol, we gals dont expect long drives, no bike rides, just simple (cost effective) walks in the parks and watching the sunset by the beaches.

Fresh food everywhere. (Food is a touchy subject for me)! No dreaming of Alphonso mangoes in
Hyderabad, and Banganpalli in Mumbai, or both of these in America. You'd appreciate what you
get locally and learn something we all have completely forgotten these days- 'Contentment'.

I do trust my species to come up with some alternative, if we are pushed to the corner (in fact we already are) . People would look for non-conventional sources of energy. Mr. Tesla may find fame anew (purely my guess). Which would be nice, because, all countries could strive to be self-sufficient, and there would be level playing fields. Uncle Sam would no longer be interested in watching over the ever fighting middle-eastern brethren, and no more of the completely useless gang wars. Everyone would mind their own businesses. Imagine the amount of tax-payer's money freed to be used for good cause. Not that we would stop fighting, 'coz we can fight over something as stupid as river water, but just one BIG issue less!

J : Somehow I visualize a world without oil very differently from the idyllic picture that you paint (have you forgotten Etah?). I imagine a world like some science fiction movie where people will zip in small one-person electric cars and maybe satellite pictures of earth will not have the standard blue and green look but a lot of black on land as the world will be covered in solar panels. And lots of white in the seas as there will huge wind farms - maybe Ramamrithams of the world will mandate that they have to be blue so that google earth's pictures still look pretty. Rajalakshmi will still ride her bike but she will also carry with her a small generator to convert all her cycling into power - not far fetched since a gym in Portland is actually doing it to their exercise machines.

Ambulisamma : All the NRI's would return back,including self and if sensus happens properly India might overtake China. If you consider India it should not be a big problem,we can find alternatives. But think about Gulf and US,the world without petrol will be terrible for them.

Venkatraman : No oil because a barrel of crude oil is $100 today? Come on. We will be buying even if it goes up to $1000 or more. In the early sixties I was filling up the tank at 65 paise a liter. Today it is Rs.65 and more. Who cares? There are cars on the road more than hundred times now than it was immediately after the Second World War. If you stop oil and it uses; what will happen to the followers of all the IPL matches and tamasha. No Cheer Leaders or Sundaries? Don't be cruel. Many of the IPL followers will resort to other entertainments ! Consequences will be disastrous

Reflections : I have full confidence in our own kind....if and when we are reduced to tht state u can be assured tht the human brain will ceaselessly work[36 hrs a day] and come up with something even better than oil...wht is tht saying....aaaah yes 'Necessity is the blah blah ;-D

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