Sunday, 20 September 2009

Eight is auspicious

In China the number 8 is considered very auspicious. That’s why the Beijing Olympics commenced at 8.00 PM on 8.8.08. When my dear blogger friend, Preeti, tags me with the “Eight tag”, I just had to pick it up. Everybody in the blogging world knows Preeti. I can fill a post with her credits, but let me just say, if you haven’t read 34 Bubblegums and Candies, do get hold of a copy; it’s a lovely read.

With a little journalistic licence, I’ll twist the tag to fit into a business blog and hand the post over to my good friend Abracadabra Technology Ltd. It’s a small company. It’s a legal person (companies are). But nobody lets a company talk. So here’s the opportunity.

8 “TV shows” I like to watch in my office

I don’t watch TV but see plenty of interesting stuff that goes on in the office.

1.The “boss” is flirting with his secy. Now what on earth is that ugly, bald, fat, oldie thinking ?
2. Those two maamis are at the coffee machine for the last 1 hour chatting away when they should be working.
3. Everybody is peering into a computer screen. But Oh God. Some are playing games. Some are checking google mail, some are blogging, some are tweeting, others are idly browsing. Can’t see anybody who’s working. Thank God the IT guys have at least blocked out the porn.
4. Look at that meeting going on. Hey you - don’t snore so loudly.
5. The staircase really stinks. Everybody smokes there. I hate to see that place.
6. There’s somebody yelling at a poor little thingie, who looks like she’s going to cry. That monster of a Project Manager… Grr !
7. Open offices and telephones don’t go together. There he goes again, yelling like mad.
8. They’re all bitching about the new HR head who joined last month. Can’t repeat what they say in the polite company this blog keeps.


8 favourite places to eat

1. The canteen of the neighbouring company
2. Your own desk
3. That streetcart selling kachoris – made from machine oil
4. Andhra restaurant down the road
5. The posh conference room ; especially when dripping sauce on the carpet
6. Dinners when clients come – you always go to a good restaurant. Only pain is you have to smile at whoever has come
7. The coffee machine (not for the coffee; for the gossip)
8. Every place other than the company canteen, which stinks.

8 things I look forward to

1.The day somebody changes my name. Why do people give boring names to companies.
2. When they’ll clean the carpet
3. The annual day. Great fun. Everybody dances like crazy.
4 The day when they’ll shift office from this grubby place and build a campus
5. When I’ll have 10,000 people working in me. After all, size is everything , you see !
6. When they’ll serve some decent food in the canteen
7. When the buses to take my people home takes the right person to the right home
8. When the IT geeks will allow all my nice people to blog from the office.

8 things that happened yesterday

1.The system crashed
2.The power went 27 times
3. 4 visitors from Europe came. And how much all these so called bigwigs here groveled.
4. They had a fire drill. And nobody followed the evacuation plan.
5. 74 people came for interviewed. 26 employees quit. HR didn’t know who was who.
6. The shuttle bus came late and then most of my people were stuck on Marathahalli Bridge.
7. 3 birthdays were celebrated. They really sing Happy Birthday in an awful tune.
8. Travel dept bungled the tickets of 13 of my people who were to fly to Germany. Instead they were sent to Korea.

8 things I love about winter (assuming what goes on here can be called winter)

1. New Year celebrations. Everybody who works here has a ball
2. The annual pay rise. Everybody grumbles, but still ….
3. End of the budget season – what a torture that is
4. The coffee in the machine, suddenly becomes warm and drinkable.
5. Lots of “goras” come – since its too cold “out there”. So all get some nice free dinners
6. Most of the people can come an hour late – as those strange Yanks and Brits have put the clock back by an hour
7. All those wonderful white people are off for Christmas for a week. My people have an easier time.
8. They don’t turn the AC on to max and freeze everyone to death.

8 things on my wishlist

See the list of things I look forward to.

8 things I am passionate about

1. My people are treated properly and are not yelled at.
2. They don’t “window dress” me but show my true colours
3. They make me grow, and grow and grow.
4. They do some good for the poor people who are all around my office.
5. My people are all safe – come, go and work in safety.
6. They spread less bullshit around, for it really stinks.
7. They beat the s$%^ out of that s.o.b who calls himself my competitor.
8. They find new stuff everyday. I get bored with the same thing very quickly.

8 words or phrases I use often

Since I can’t talk, I don’t have favourite words, but I’ve heard these spoken the most in my office

1. HELLO (yelled at 15000 decibels on the phone)
2. You must improve and do better
3. System down
4. Blah Blah Blah
5. Need more money; can you do better than your budget ?
6. Variance analysis – why has the cost of paper cups gone by 14.296 % ?
7. HR goofed up, again.
8. I should be paid more.

8 things I learnt from the past

1. HR will never pay salaries correctly or on time
2. Finance will delay every bill that is to be paid
3. Sales will miss their target and have a wonderful explanation why
4. Marketing will produce an suave, sexy ad, which will bomb when aired
5. Everybody will miss their budget by at least 10%.
6. The project will be late.
7. New ERP costing several millions will be installed and will bomb on day one.
8. The CEO will award himself a 74% pay rise.

8 places I would love to go,visit or see

Since I don’t go anywhere, I can’t really take this on, but I can tell you 8 other places where I would have loved to be incorporated rather than where I am

1. Bahamas
2. Virgin Islands
3. Mauritius
4. St Kitts and Nevis
5. Luxembourg
6. Dutch Antilles
7. Canary islands
8. Barbados

My only slight worry is that the companies who I’ll have for company (if you’ll pardon the pun), there will all be crooks.

8 things I currently need or want

I really don’t need anything, but I would love if the following people joined me

1. A Journey Called Life
2. The Thoughtful Train
3. Le Embrouille Blogueur
4. Reflections
5. Kiwibloke
6. Kanmuri
7. Exkalibur66
8. Athivas

They have such lovely names they hide under. And I have such a boring name …

22 comments:

mahesh said...

The post rocked as usual.

The best part I liked was 8 things I learnt from the past.. sounded like I just heard it yesterday :)

A journey called Life said...

nice tag abracadabra.. but i would have loved it if Ramesh did not take journalistic license and done it himself..
as for joining u,
neki aur pooch pooch

athivas said...

Oh!That was an excellent tag of 8 for a business blog :).

By the way,I thought sunday is a day away from business? :P

Deepa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Deepa said...

Hi Ramesh,

was reading this one with a big smile... my take on a few of them!

1. A sucking canteen is such a blessing in disguise! Nobody spends more than 15 mins eating lunch! I realized this when I saw the crowd in the Mumbai canteen (yummy food). The only thing going on in the minds of the guys staring into their lappie screens was, "what do they have for the '4o' clock snacks' today?" People would sit there for hours an hours; vis a vis, XXX center where I had to get into the kitchen once in a fit of frustration to teach him how a 'Fried Egg' looks like!!

2. Another thing which pierced my heart like a cupid's arrow and made me say 'ahhh' was... 'END OF BUDGET SEASON' :D:D:D

3. And yes, one funky name for u off the cuff 'Lean Mean Bizz Machine' ;-)

Sandhya Sriram said...

Hi

Just finished my recent blog at 11.30 PM IST and sadly wishing that my baby gave me some time otherwise to blog, i just thought i check your link out once before closing shop. Believe me, i haven't felt so refreshed for several months as i have felt today.

Could personally connect to every single line on the blog. Ramesh - You are truly an amazing inspiration - and this is straight from the heart.

Thanks for the dose. hoping for many more.

b.t.w the link to my latest blog here - maybe a poor man's sequel to your current blog in the space of personal life:

http://sandhyasriram.sulekha.com/blog/post/2009/09/the-hole-in-the-ear.htm

Anonymous said...

:) To me it felt like 8 reasons I am glad that I have left all of this behind.

---Distinguished Academic!

Exkalibur666 said...

Great post. Loved reading it. I completely agree with the part on HR. Half the time I am wondering what they are doing.
And I love the street car kachoris..so what if they are made in machine oil...bring it on..

Ramesh said...

@Mahesh : Thanks. Surely you can't agree with finance paying bills late :)

@AJCL : I'll keep asking ....:)

@athivas :) Yes, but I did it on a plane and felt suitably "professional" to do some "work" while on it. Wanted to do your tag too - promise will do in the this week.

@Deepa - LOL I thouoght you loved budget time; especially that incomparable lady !! Thanks for the nice name , but mean ??:( just joking.

@sandhya - Aaawww. You are so kind. And your blog rocks; except that your platform doesn't !!Why don't you shift your blog to Blogger or Wordpress ?

@distinguished academic - LOL! Surely it wasn't that bad in "those" days. Is there an academic equivalent too, even in the hallowed portals you are in !!

@Exkalibur - Hey thanks. Oh those kachoris don't taste anything as good if they are made in edible oil :))

Exkalibur666 said...

Reading Canary Islands in the post.."Canary Islands" means island of the dogs. It is speculated that the so called dogs were actually seals..now extinct because of the spanish invasion and colonization in the past and human activity...The name is not to be confused with the bird..which is also a native of the region...

athivas said...

It's ok,Ramesh,take your time:).

Deepa said...

Ohh! I didn't mean 'mean' kinda mean... I meant the 'cool & funky' kinda mean :P

le embrouille blogueur said...

O.K for the starters ... Virgin Islands is really not that great ... and ... your name is not boring ... Ramesh ... You are probably the most loved blogger in the blogosphere for your ...humble nature .... missed commenting on your good stuff... should be able to be back now ... kudos !!

kiwibloke said...

Nice one Ramesh. Atleast glad that I am right now in one of the eight places you wanted to go to (in Luxembourg)
cheers

Preeti Shenoy said...

Very creative with that underlying pastiche of truth sprinkled with humour sprinkled with a dash of abracadabra!
You have executed this so well (you never disappoint) that you can be sure of future tags too :P :)

Laughed reading 8 things that happened yesterday :)

Thank you for doing the tag.
Cheers
preeti

DA said...

The problem with academics is that everyone has a mega ego. In fact, we joke that personal differences between academics are particularly vicious especially because there is so little at stake!

thethoughtfultrain said...

I'm no longer going to complain that you turn all tags into business tag, Why? Because you do such an awesome job of it and its so fresh!

I was so surprised to see you mention Marathalli Bridge, I used to live around there before we move here. Seriously, that bridge is a traffic magnet. Thanks for tagging, and I m going to take a leaf out of your book too ... :D

Ramesh said...

@Exkalibur - Oh thats interesting. I really thought it had something to do with birds. Thanks for the tidbit.

@Deepa - Oh my collar's up. Cool ? Funny ? Hurray !

@blogueuer - Welcome back. And thanks for your kindness as always. Isn't Virgin Islands nice ?? I thought it must be lovely. Never been that side.

@kiwi - Now what on earth are you doing there ? Shifting your millions away from Switzerland ?!!

@Preeti - Thanks so much. But, Oh No ....!! Moaning is my birthright :)

@DA - Maybe true but only for the ordinary kind. The distinguished kind like yourselves are a different breed :)

@thoughtful train - Oh such a lovely comment again. And yes THE bridge is world famous. I used to live in those parts too. Nowadays its become much better though.

Viji said...

Absolutely forthright (As always)Only thought on those 8 things that happened y'day. U are too charitable to have taken them in the past tense - The right heading could be - 8 things that definitely happen every day (100% perfect process).

Viji

Ramesh said...

@Viji - Thanks. Oh no - surely you can't say that finance is not paying the bills today ?? :)

kiwibloke said...

sequel to my comment. I'm done with Lux, had the most enjoyable holiday and now on my way to Zurich! That's real rich.
BTW, were you referring to the Indonesian Rupiah when you referred to my millions?

Ramesh said...

@kiwi - Now you go from Lux to Switzerland and you want me to believe that you aren't moving the millions. Can't throw a smokecreen by oblique references to the rupiah !!

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