29 January, 2012

The breaking in of a newbie

Newbies have to be broken in. If you throw them at the deep end, they'll simply die of shock. This blogger has a substantially inflated opinion of himself and proclaims expertise in matters that he knows precious little about. But even he readily admits to being a complete newbie in one matter . And he was very privileged to be broken into the said field by two acknowledged experts.It must be clarified right here that this blogger has not indulged in this activity for some 30 years and therefore approached it with some trepidation.

They were very kind. They chose the shallow end of the pool for the first dip of the toe. Apparently this specimen which I was introduced to is not "typical".  But was sufficient to give a good general idea. They prefaced the experience, by a good nourishment of the body (otherwise called lunch) in preparation for nourishment of the mind.

As it started, they very helpfully explained who was who. I was advised that the sum total of people in the city who did not recognise the main protagonists  was one - that specimen being yours truly. But they didn't rub it in. They kindly explained the antecedents of the worthies. They however drew a line, when on being told that the chief was titled "Young Thalapathi", I respectfully asked who was the older version !

Matters went on predicted lines. I stared rather open mouthed. I fancy my  minders were trying to observe me with the corner of their eyes rather than staring straight ahead. There was whistles and oohs when the gentleman with the title previously referred to appeared . He , alas, was not tall, dark or handsome - in fact he looked rather like my neighbourhood Romeo. I had mistakenly assumed that there would be many gorgeous women I could at least ogle at. Unfortunately I was advised that there was just one in this example they had chosen for me and that I would have to wait a while before feasting my eyes - to be fair, the lady was worth the wait.

The start was "electric" if you will pardon the pun. Dropping of pants and a lesson on conductivity of liquids was not what I had expected. After some inanity, the time came for breaking into song and dance. The flower train rather boggled the mind. I chuckled at some outrageous costumes and gyrations, but I couldn't help guffaw loudly at the sight of Tamilians trying to do the Bhangra - there are some things Tamilians can't do and imitation of  Bhangra is certainly one of them.  When a  break came, I thought the experience was over until my advisers informed me that it was only the first instalment. More was to come. I had presumed that the moment was usually a call to fortify oneself with exotic preparations of the cola nut. However the experts were somewhat wary of the possibility of their subject bolting through the door - they wisely suggested that quenching of thirst be somewhat deferred and that being glued to wherever one was , was a safer course of action.

More did come. Another song and dance which morphed suddenly from an attempted kiss featuring rather scantily clad foreign beauties gyrating to forgettable music. Some lessons on the causes and effects of bodily activities best left unmentioned. Some incredible Tamilian names that would even flummox the most creative of new baby names handbooks - Come on; have you ever heard anybody named PP and KP. Also featured was a very detailed primer on innovative obstetrics. An elaborately worked example of how to snatch the bride from the altar. And an answer to the eternal dilemma facing mankind - can you kiss without bumping noses !

All was well that ended well. The beauty and the "beast" finally got together and presumably lived happily ever after. The breaking in was successful. To my eager experts, I opined that the experience was "not bad" and that an encore might even be a possibility. After which the two sorely tried champions, the wise one and the breezy one, to whom I am eternally grateful,  shooed me off . Thereafter, I am told, they retired to a vegetarian version of the proverbial watering hole !

14 comments:

Appu said...

LOL ROTFL
The post is more funnier :) :)
I will never forget, those two questions :)
BTW, you insulted your neighborhood romeos, anyways you are justifying it by calling him "beast" at the end ;)

There was one woman, but gorgeous Nah! Definitely we should take you to more movies to up your standards of gorgeousness ;) ;) [It was on purpose i dint mail you one good looking video of the not so good looking heroine :) :)]

We are eagerly looking forward to take you again. Next time we would trust you and can go out for the cola :)

I also like the way of you not mentioning the character names o the movie movie :) :)

In future, I might take an "அப்பாடக்கர் பிகர்” with me for a movie, but still i would treat this as my very best movie outing ;)

raghavendra kotla said...

Oooohhh so you don't see the original version 3 idiots before ???

gils said...

rotfl :D :D now we know how ur movie review looks like :))) soooooperrrrr...just goes to show hw much the movie world misses the master...it was an awesome exp. watching it with u.. :D :D marakkavay mudiaatha exp :D

Anonymous said...

Lucky Zeno and Gils. Brunch with boss Madrid movie with the master. While one can say u should have seen the original one of which this is a very poor reproduction I would say u shud see a few more of this kind. Like some one making one thousand passer byes including a sewage cleaner do Kung fu on Anna salai all at one time by controlling their mind and the like. I hope now u realize what an amazing reel world u r missing in your real world .

Anonymous said...

Sorry the Auto correct on my mobile doesn't like ta miles words and so changed madiri as Madrid.

Sandhya

Ramesh said...

@Zeno the master - Here's a secret - never rank ladies in terms of gorgeousness; you are venturing into serious trouble territory !! And watch out for the அப்பாடக்கர் பிகர் - you might be bashed on your head with the handbag :)

@Kotla - Who or what is 3 idiots :)

@Gilsu the master - Hopefully "marakkave midiyadu" for all the right reasons !!!

@Sandhya - Much impressed by your deep knowledge of the subject !! And even more impressed by your tech wizardy :)

Hema said...

LOL...!! Welcome to the reel world nanbane!
You should see the original hindi version to get some better effects, especially if it is after 30 years!

RamMmm said...

Brickbats at Gils and Zeno for snatching the honour of you being in one of the 'world records' of being in a time-warp. :-)

Oh sir, you deserve to be watched on your watching rather than they watching. :-) :-) "One of a kind", as Shrek says.

Now that your tapasya of 30 years has been broken, we can see review-after-review from the 'initiated'.

Ramesh said...

@Hema - Your ouns are better than mine :)

@RamMmm - Eeks. This sounds like some Rip van Winkle story :):) No No - far from intiated - don't think I ever will be.

Asha said...

And another succumbs to the charms of Kollywood movies.

Welcome aboard the movie fan club:)

Your advisors have chosen the best movie for the icebreaker.

//When a break came, I thought the experience was over until my advisers informed me that it was only the first instalment.//

LOL!

Vishal said...

The wait was worth for a newbie - ahaa - not bad! :) Presumably gorgeous women were not meant for Romeos... LOL! Please pardon me using the word gorgeous... it is indeed tight one to comment on!

I won't mind looking for possibilities of encore if our wise and breezy ones permit! Now, you could explain if that is indeed dangerous if the permission is not sought ;)

Ramesh said...

@Asha - Not succumbed at all and hopefully I'll never become a "fan" !! Just don;t have the taste for it at all

@Vishal - Hee Ha Ha.

Deepa said...

Did the two have a satchel too? Coz they were planning to carry ropes if it came to that. The 2 men were on a mission and have to say, I m totally impressed by their execution.

Ramesh said...

@Deepa - Ha Ha Ha