Wednesday, 29 May 2013

Ramamritham infiltrates Al Qaeda

I think we have found the way to destroy Al Qaeda, or for that matter, any terrorist organisation. Don't send the Navy Seals or the National Security Guard or Special Forces. Send in Ramamritham instead !

This post has no place in what is ostensibly a business blog, but this writer could not miss the opportunity to ridicule Ramamritham anywhere and everywhere. So , with apologies , here's the story.

When the French forces recently retook much of Mali from terrorists, the press who followed them found a detailed letter and a number of documents in a building which was a base or Al Qaeda. The letter was to a thug and hoodlum called Moktar Belmoktar. It throws light on how Ramamritham has wormed his way even into Al Qaeda.

The letter was a "warning letter" to the said terrorist castigating him for not filing expense statements !!! It also was expressing displeasure at his skipping meetings which he was to attend !! He was also castigated for pricing below Head Office instructions - apparently for release of a kidnap victim he agreed to a price of 700,000 Euros when the going rate was  3 million. He was also censured for making a "business trip" to Libya without having taken approval in advance.

Moktar was also revealed to have complained that he was not being promoted and that somebody less qualified was instead given the job. He sulked for a while , refused to take phone calls and complained in his PDP ! Still not being promoted, he then quit and started his own rival murderous gang.

If Al Qaeda monsters have to file expense statements and take prior permission for foreign travel, we have nothing more to fear from them. They are doomed.

I shall make a few more suggestions to Ramamritham to further help him in his noble quest

  • Impose a detailed dress code on terrorists. They have to wear a tie between Monday and Thursday. Friday, they have to wear  T shirts to show that they are cool
  • Instruct them that not displaying their ID card while carrying out a terrorist attack is an offence and if found so, they will be sent back home
  • Display the pick up and drop schedule every day. Moktar has to catch Innova No S-47D. He will be dropped only at end of his road and not in front of his home
  • He can browse his personal email only between 12.41 and 13.04 every day . Facebook, Twitter, etc are banned. All Jihadist sites of Al Qaeda are open, but rival sites are banned
  • Moktar has not filled last month's self appraisal form, demonstrating that he has adhered to the values of Al Qaeda (with examples). Therefore he may be asked to report to the HR manager for a dressing down.

All hail Ramamritham, for helping defang Al Qaeda.


Sriram Khé said...

Who are you, and what have you done to Ramesh?
He would never, ever have written in praise of Ramamirtham.
Are you the one who wrote the letter to Moktar?
Then, how come you refer to Ramamirtham, and not Rahim Mahathir?

seriously though, there was this kind of a guy in the franchise? at least the big boss had only a collection of porn!

Truth is often stranger than fiction, indeed!

Ramesh said...

@sriram - Ha ha ha

Deepa said...

@Ramesh- what a laundry list. By the way I did get the cab to pick me up from my door step, but I had to a break my leg for it. :D :D

@Sriram - *ROFL*

Ramesh said...

@Deepa- Oh yes you poor thing. I remember how long it took for you to get OK and it was especially a trial knowing what a good dancer you are

Vishal said...

Trust you to come up with such positives of Ramamritham being so pervasive! :)

How about not filling in those important surveys timely!!

PS - It is nice to be back after a short gap, which actually seems long ago!

Ramesh said...

@Vishal - Nice to see you back here. Oh yes; surveys too - Voice of Customer, Net promoter Score, et al :)

Vincy said...

surprised to read that soemthing like an Al Qaeda is run like a corporate office - expense statements, disobering orders, business trips et all. or should we say corporates are running it like Al Qaeda?
Curiosity made me read the link and this one made me LOL - //responded the way talented employees with bruised egos have in corporations the world over: He quit and formed his own competing group // no doubt employees of corporates also behave like terrorists :-) :-)

Ramesh said...

@Vincy - Ha ha - sometimes its hard to tell the difference between an employee and a terrorist, isn't it ?? Especially if you are in HR:):)

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