Saturday, 25 October 2014

Et tu Your Majesty ?

One of the pleasures of life is to start the day with a strong cup of coffee in one hand and The Hindu on the other. But the dangers of such a practice was brought out today - scalding by spilling the hot stuff on a sensitive part of your anatomy, the coffee turning utterly bitter in the mouth, etc etc. For right in the front page was the news that caused me to convulse uncontrollably. Her Majesty the Queen , had sent her first tweet !

This blogger's vehement opposition to that abominable medium and  contempt for "twits" is well know. He is well ware that 99.99999% of the world are in the opposite camp. But he consoled himself that a few dignified men and women of great stature, like Her Majesty (and himself !) had better taste and sense. Now he is somewhat perturbed that he may be the only dignified man standing.

Her Majesty's first tweet is a perfect example of the inanity of Twitter. She tweeted - "It is a pleasure to open the Information Age exhibition today at the @ScienceMuseum and I hope people will enjoy visiting. Elizabeth R." If there was a more useless piece of information, I am yet to see it. But to be reduced to having to sign Elizabeth Regina (I am sure you didn't know her second name). ...... What has the world come to.

In order to update himself on the useless stuff that so called celebrities tweet, this blogger spent a frustrating hour reading them. Here's a sample of recent tweets made by these worthies

Barack Obama - "Will you weigh in on #Obamacare?"  - he has some hope !

Narendra Modi - "Lot of things we can get to know by talking. Not only information but points of view" - What fantastic wisdom.

Shashi Tharoor - "I am donating them a biogas plant of 1tonne per day capacity" - So what.

Justin Bieber -  "Life is about the journey :)"  - Stunning discovery.

Shahrukh Khan - " I think Life, Movies & other such essentials, do start after 40!"  - OK, you old man.

Neil degrasse Tyson (a leading astrophyicist) : "I wonder if social media atheists ever use "OMG". If so, they probably intended to type "OYG"  -  What a scientific insight

Sachin Tendulkar  - "Wash your hands before every meal.... Spread the word on" - Ok mommy

Paris Hilton - "There's no place like home"  - OK couldn't resist peeking into the tweets of the wisest lady in the world.

David Cameron - "I'm angry at the sudden presentation of a €2bn bill to the UK by the EU. It's an appalling way to behave and I won't be paying it on Dec 1st" - Have you heard a better rendering of the loudly squealing schoolboy ?

Angela Merkel - "Guten Morgen liebe BürgerInnen und einen schönen Sonntag!  (Good morning dear citizens and have a nice Sunday) "  Doesn't she have anything better to do on a Sunday morning ??

and, of course, our own blog king and  commenter extraordinare 

Congoboy - "I swear, it peed on me."   -  OK; that one was below the belt, but I can't resist needling Congoboy. Its an actual tweet by him though !

What a colossal waste. Of all the useless, inane , pointless, drivel in the world, 99% can be found on this monstrosity called Twitter.

So having tweeted her first tweet, what is the Queen going to follow it with. Here are a few helpful suggestions

- Pip Pip
- Oh dear, my foot aches
- Coochie Coo George
- Oh God, do I have to get up and go to another boring function ?
- Toodle oo

PS : This post is at the request of my dear friend, fellow blogger and commenter, "Nancy" who made the request commenting on the previous post !


Deepa said...

@ the last man standing - Hahaha! Just what I needed. Although when I read it yesterday, I freaked out thinking it was Sunday already.

And if you thought those were the worst tweets, there are some 'twits' who just type '...' or ':-)' or '?'.

Deepa said...

Also, if you are wondering where all the comments went, I think we are all getting captcha'ed before commenting.

Ramesh said...

@Deepa- Ha ha. No its not Sunday :)

Are you getting any captcha ? I hate that stuff viscerally and haven't put it up here , so I hope you aren't getting that abomination.

Sriram Khé said...

Ha ha ha ha!
If only even a tiny bit of your post is true ...

Consider for example my "I swear, it peed on me." tweet he refers to. That tweet has a hyperlink that will lead the reader to:
I shall leave the rest as an exercise to the interested reader ...

BTW, the queen is a twit, yes, and has always been one ;)

Sandhya Sriram said...

There was a question on Kaun Banega Crorepati this week on what is the word limit on Twitter - i think the prize was a few lakhs. So, not so useless after all :-)

b.t.w Ramesh, this is a bit like Politics. because, the good people stay out of the politics, the rest have ruined it. because People like Ramesh dont tweet, people are left with no choice but to read the fantastic wisdom of the esteemed personalities on your blog - what say?

Talking of Great Wisdom, i suggest you stop reading Hindu and move to Times of India, you would really learn to appreciate this larger wisdom in this country and how you can fill half a paper with nonsensical news - b.t.w i am TOI Reader :-)

Also, your blog asks me to enter a captcha code to prove i am not a robot. i didnt realize your fan following has starting impressing Robots as well that you have asked Blogspot to keep them out - though quite possible

Ramesh said...

@Sriram - By the order of the Archbishop of Canterbury, I hereby inflict on you thirty lashes for using unparliamentary language against Her most imperial Highness :)

@Sandhya - Yuk. Has the horrible captcha entered my blog. I shall forthwith try and remove it.

TOI ???? Ok ......... !!

Shachi said...

No twitter for me either. Was pretty much off FB the past month and did not miss it a bit, so maybe time to wind that up too?

Sriram Khé said...

Coming up on the two month anniversary since the last post, buddy. Stop watching sports on TV and get to blogging! ;)

Ramesh said...

No tweeting, no FB still ?? Anyway I wonder how you even did it in the first place with those two golus around :)

Ramesh said...

Thanks for the encouragement my friend. I am trying to come back.

Appu said...

You should check out ;) oh remind me to tell you about the Wars that happen in the world of Tamil Twitterati! there are twitter celebreties ;) No! No blog post about them !

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