Sunday, 4 October 2009

Men of the world arise; burn the tie !

Women normally beat men by a mile when it comes to sartorial extravagances. Witness the one standard question in each of the one million girlie tags that float around in the blogosphere and that are thrust upon unsuspecting men ! What are you wearing ? God ! Especially as the answer getting a little too close to the truth might be a lungi and a banian.

And yet, if there is one fashion accessory that has been completely appropriated by the men , leaving women totally vanquished, it is the blasted necktie. The contraption, officially translated in Hindi as kanta langot.

This abomination has unfortunately become standard business wear. I have no clue why. Don’t men realise how ridiculous a strip of cloth hanging from the neck, and attempting to constrict the life of out them, looks. Especially, in a hot country like India, where what you really need is the circulatory powers of the aforementioned lungi. And yet they willingly submit themselves to the torture of a necktie day in and day out.

It is supposed to be a fashion statement. Bah ! Ugly old men with a fat paunch and who wouldn’t be caught dead wearing anything more controversial that a white shirt, can be seen sporting this monstrosity in fluorescent pink. Especially since the dimensions of their protruberance preclude this fashion accessory from reaching the standard length of the belt buckle. What are they thinking ? And what about the Romeo who loosens his tie and lets it hang loose. Now, even a well knotted tie is, at best, silly. A loose tie ? Eeks !

There are some serious hazards involving the tie that merits a case for a complete ban. Like getting caught between the lift doors and subjecting the wearer to extreme asphyxiation. Or more likely finding its way into the cup of tea in front of you, or even more colourfully, into the sambhar at the lunch table. Of course it comes handy for a Project Manager (like the specimen who is currently casting a shadow over my good friend le embrouille blogueur) when subjecting subordinates to interference with their respiration by compression of the trachea. And its a positive health hazard - the dirtiest piece in a man's attire, since its never washed. So much so that British hospitals have forbade their doctors from wearing one. Its sole utility is that it comes handy when polishing your glasses. But that doesn't make it a redeeming quality.

I am not, normally, a fan of the Islamic Republic of Iran. But on one matter they are dead right. They have rightfully termed the necktie as a decadent symbol of Western oppression. And banned it. So you can wear a three piece suit; but no tie. You’ll be sent to jail as an imperialist if you dared to sport one. I am thinking of moving to Tehran, when I’m done with China !


A journey called Life said...

Awesome awesome awesome ribticking post.. it kept me 'tied' for a long time.. i love sundays..

Anonymous said...

Oh my God!! Your weekend post is something else! You have class Ramesh and your brand of humour will force a chuckle out of a stone too!! :D

The company I worked for had a weird rule for guys - ties on Tuesdays! I have no idea what is it about Tuesdays that merited wearing a tie - but it was easy to guess which day of the week the guys hated the most!! :D Personally, I feel guys in ties look smart and have some purpose in life other than TV!!! ;-) God forbid the day when Lungi and Banian becomes acceptable office wear!! :-O

Well, as much you may say we women don't have nooses around our necks, let me remind you of the most painful irritating piece of cloth the dupatta is!

Today was a wonderful day for me and your post was the cherry on top!! :-)

CMK said...

Thanks for articulating what many men wanted to say (or scream).

You mentioned about Indian climatic conditions which are not conducive to wear the kanta langot - but I have seen this punishment thrust on one as a matter of official routine - in the middle east where the climate is oppressive particularly during summer. The locals there are clever and were a contraption which is not far away from the lungi in its design. However, no such mercy on the others - expats mostly - who have to wear the noose around the neck.

Good to know that Iran happens to be a most sensible country.

Anonymous said...

So, you are not on a business trip today? :P

If a single strip of cloth, hanging around the neck, worn to office makes you rant this long, how much should an average Indian woman who has to drape 6m (which they wear all day through), whose pallu serves as a piece of cleaning cloth for the entire household rant??

But, why do I get a shock at the very word girlie tag??? :P (Twice I peeped and ran away seeing the word in the first para)

Hang said...

I can't agree more. I hate neckties! I don't know who invented it. It's one of the worst thing. Luckily, I'm in China and I only wear it perhaps once every one or two years.

Ramesh said...

@AJCL - :)

@thoughtful train - One of these days I'm going to post on the salwaar kameez - a dress on which I have strong views !! Delighted that you had a great day. Let me guess - long walk, great food, nice book and lots of TLC ??

@CMK - Anbody who wears it in the Middle East must have his head examined !!

@Hang - Lucky you - Unfortunately China has taken to the tie with gusto. Witness all the important leaders at the 60th anniversary parade. Only Hu Jintao who wore the Zhongshan suit looked very cool.

Ramesh said...

@athivas - OMG. Now I hold my ears in my hand and do 108 thoppukarnams ! Never again will I tease athivas with girlie tags. I'll tease her on other things though !! :)

The 6m (yards I presume) dress is a thing of sublime beauty. Not so what goes as standard officewear these days for Indian women - as I threatened the thoughtful train, I'll rant on that awful piece of clothing on another lazy Sunday !!

DA said...

Never thought about it before but the strip of cloth is quite ridiculous. But let's not get carried away here and start extolling the circulation properties of the lungi. It gives me scary visions of men wearing their lungi folded up like mini skirts, as they do in the south - stuff of nightmares! Let's make a deal: no ties and no lungis to work. Waiting for your post on salwar-kameez versus sari... I cant imagine that you have stronger views on the subject than all the women commenting here :)

le embrouille blogueur said...

Thanks for the mention Ramesh .... brilliant and funny ..... and I am sure you will love to read this ...

good stuff !!!

Deepa said...

I am already giggling and waiting for your 'musings' on the 'Salwar-kameez'! :):)

Ramesh said...

@DA - Oh yes - Lungis shopuld strictly be restricted to the backwaters of Kerala. And I think I'm getting into trouble by wading into feminine attire ; have to be fearful of my life now !!

@blogueur - Bangladesh has really done that ? Wow !! Hilarious read

@Deepa - I am now in deep touble :-)

Sandhya Sriram said...

Neck-tie is only symbolic of how we connect professionalism to western outfits and western myths. Why should I use fork and knife when Indian foods are better handled by hand. But Indian woman are still better off. They haven’t surrendered completely. Sarees are still considered an appropriate formal and elegant wear. You Men have to now catch up.

Ramesh said...

@sandhya - Milady, I am prepared to revert to dhothi and angavastram, if you are ready to go back to the 9 yards sari !! :-)

exkalibur666 said...

One of the vestiges of cultural imperialism or so called globalization.. oh yeah burn the tie..

Ramesh said...

@exkalibur - Amen

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