Sunday, 30 October 2011

A dog saves the day

A dog might prove to be the unlikeliest saviour of Formula 1, a sport that is direly in need of saving . Bravo India, for unwittingly pointing the way ahead for the sport.

Today is the first ever Indian Grand Prix - held at Noida, at the Buddh circuit, just off Delhi. Why it has come up in Delhi is a mystery - the racing capital (of whatever racing there is) of India is Chennai or Coimbatore. But Delhi it is. This is the fag end of the Formula 1 season; the championship is already decided and there is very little to drive for. But then Bernie Eccleston, the boss of F1, has grasped that the future of the sport  depends on the growing audience in Asia - that's why in the last three or four years, new Grand Prixs have come up in Beijing, Singapore, Bahrain, Abu Dhabi, Istanbul (almost Asia !), Yeongam (Korea) ; to add to the more traditional Asian venues Suzuka (Japan) and Sepang (Malaysia). Now India.

Formula 1 has become a bore. The results are completely predictable; superb safety measures have ensured that there are far fewer crashes and  rules are changed every 15 days until nobody knows what they are.  There are no more flamboyant personalities of the likes of Ayrton Senna - today's drivers are more technical automatons. Even the pretty girls hanging around in skimpy clothes seem to be rather muted. I haven't watched a Formula 1 race for the last two seasons - its become that boring. When a sports nut like me does that, there is something seriously wrong with the sport.

India might offer the redemption. On the first practice session on Friday, a dog ran on to the track and the session had to be stopped for some 20 minutes. This was the most happening thing that day - the rest of it was predictably boring. Now, any Indian knows that a car tyre is irresistible to a dog.  In some cases, it is even irresistible to humans, but we shall let that pass.

So here are some very Indian ideas to make the sport hugely more exciting and get the fans back

  • Introduce the Indian cow (preferably with a calf) to roam the circuit at random
  • Two wheelers featuring two types of Indian drivers must be in the circuit - the rambo who thinks he's Rajnikanth (or whoever) and revs up his pitiful 85cc mobike and tries to do a wheelie or the uncle and aunty (100 kgs each) with three kids on a wobbly moped.
  • The tractor who comes in the opposite direction to the racing  with headlights on 
  • The overladen truck who is parked right in the middle of the fastest section of the track, camouflaged to be invisible. For good effect a small branch with four leaves can be placed 10 metres behind as a warning.
  • One giant crater right in the middle of the first corner (measurements - 1 ft by 4 ft and at least 2ft deep)
  • Four completely invisible speed breakers that will hit the underside of the chassis, placed strategically where the driver will least expect it.
If Sebastian Vettel (the current world champion) can navigate that and win the race, then the crowds will come back for the thrill. Formula 1 will become the most thrilling spectator sport in the world.

18 comments:

Preeti Shenoy said...

Did you know the British bookies had bet on odds of 100-1 on an animal running across the tracks? :)
Poor doggie :) He has no clue he made International news..and if you ask me the doggie is far more cuter than those women who used to run across the cricket ground in Bikinis back in those times when Gavaskar used to bat :) (I was witness to one such incident!)

K.Venkataraman said...

The organizers of the F1 event really failed to foresee and take advantage of the stray dog on the track. They should have made provision with a lamp post or fire hyderant so that the holy dog could have raised its leg and did a "prokshanam." Later it could have gone for a "shit down" and the formal and asupicious puja complete. Truly and great and spectacular opening of the event lost !

gils said...

every dog has its day solvangalay..athu ithaano. namma oorla f1 racing vaikaratha iruntha blorela thaan vaikanum..wud be more like steeple race on car :D

Appu said...

What a lovely wishful thinking to make it more interesting :P :D

Sandhya Sriram said...

One of my close friends was a big F 1 fan and so i decided to follow this to understand what thrills him on this. even after watching for some time, i really couldnt make out. i mean, i just cant understand, what is the point in people going round and round and round and some crashing. the only thing that i understand about F 1 race is the pitstop because it is fancy these days to draw parallel to it in business.

but i can add some creative solutions to your beautifully compiled list

How about..

(i) Gravels, dumped lavishly (Big ones and forgotten to be laid after that

(ii) half constructed over bridges and roads (I mean - a sand pathway which were roads once upon a time)

(iii) water tankers doing the job of religiously washing the roads with water spilling in all directions, allowed to run on the track on any side.

(iv) your favourite road side vendors and rajalakshmi's shopping around them covering up half the size of the road and their better halfs waiting for them parking their cars in the balance half(who fret and fume at Rajalakshmi's shopping thrills - and choose to conveniently forget that they are one of the key beneficiaries)

(v) Call centre vehicles who believe that they are no lesser than F 1 drivers and their USP being the abundant use of their honking. i sometimes feel that they believe the horns in their indicas have magical powers that they can make vehicles disappear.

(vi) last but not the least are our political rallies. depending on the profile of the F1 race, we can choose the politician who leads it.

and possibly, after that, even gnanasoonya like me will find it interesting to watch these races :-)

Vishal said...

Vettel indeed navigated well enough to win the race as expected, lack of thrill was quite visible though! Complete lack of competition to his majesty. Massa was absolutely horrible just like the practice match.

With all the ideas put in place, can I call it MF1 (Masala Formula 1)? Wonder how will Mr. Mallya train Sutil to drive on such tracks... LOL!

Ramesh said...

@Preeti - Didn't know that. Not surprised at all - British bookies take a bet on all sorts of things. And a dog on the track isn't that novel - its happened in other Grand Prixs before. There seems to be some irrestible magnetism between a car tyre and a doggie :)

@Venktaraman - Ha Ha. In top form , you are. Methinks the doggies wandered on to the track for exactly the same reasons you have described :)



@gils - Totally agree that the "steeple race" has to be held in Bangalore, whose roads are in a different league all together :)

@zeno - :)

Ramesh said...

@Sandhya - Brilliant ideas. For sure the next generation of F1 drivers have to be recruited from the call centre clan.

Ramesh said...

@Vishal - I didn't even watch it. Its always a procession with Vettel winning, Webber missing out, and the rest not of any relevance. Any half assed driver in a Red Bull will win this season. Next season or the one after, it will be the same with some other car.

RamMmm said...

ROTFL.

Some of those track specs seem to be from the Bangalorean roads. :-)

And where are the autos and the dreaded share autos of Chennai in the picture for they are the F1 drivers in the making for India? (boy!, the Chennai share autos' stopping skills need to be researched for they can stop dead anywhere on the road as you call the 'a' of auto)

At the end, this F1 dog had its day. :-)

Ramesh said...

@RamMmm - Totally. Bangalore should be the rally capital of the world and Bagaloreans the championship drivers. Arise Sir RamMmm - the king of drivers :)

Prats said...

ROFL!!! but quite agree with your point F1 what is used to be is dead. What is left is a boring predictable race.

hemarao said...

LOL!!
That's a perfect formula fun!:)

The doggie must have taken ' har ek friend zaroori hota hai...' too seriously and ventured on the tracks!

Reflections said...

Hehe Ramesh trust u to write a parallel post when the whole world oh alright the cream of Indian society is going gaga[pun intended] over how Mayawati delivered[pun unintended] and delivered big time. Noida is like on the map now;-o

I dont watch Formula anything but I have a friend whose husband is fanatic abt them. So everytime these races are on he goes crazy & keeps bets with her. And she wins them[bcoz she knows how lucrative it is to keep ears & eyes open;-P] easily & crows abt it to me;-D.
She made 25k last year.
Wish I had a husband who crazy abt races and kept bets with me...not to mention rich;-P(.

Reflections said...

The tractor who comes in the opposite direction to the racing with headlights on"
And the driver will make his headlights blink for right of way..hahahahaaaa....ohhh when is blogger going to give us those over the top emoticon;-D

Ramesh said...

@Prats - So boring it has become. Can you imagine some kid wearing a Sebastian Vettel T shirt ???

@Hema - Ha Ha Ha. Love your sense of humour.

@Reflections - Buhahahahaha. Your puns are superb.

Your friend's husband is a F1 fan and loses bets to his wife ?????? What sort of an expert is he. Beware lady. If Mr A is an expert and places bets with you, you are sure to lose :)

Reflections said...

No, no they dont bet abt who'll win...atleast not all the time....he sort of asks trick questions expecting her not to know the answers like....'who is the speed king of India???' And he expected her to say 'Narain Karthikeyan' given the circumstances. But she said 'Viswanathan Anand' and pocketed the money;-D. But yeah he is a lousy better & she wins everytime.
Mr.A actually Mr.B[A is my dad;-D] is an expert in the sense that he doesnt bet at all.;-(

Ramesh said...

@Reflections. A thousand pardons Mrs B :):)

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